(no subject)

[andrewducker]

I meet a guy, usually under benign circumstances, and we become "friends," we hang out, we go to dinner, movies, we have the conversations about our feelings on the opposite sex without directly talking about how we feel about each other. The relationship goes like this long enough so that I get comfortable, I think, Cool, I have a new friend. I don't think he's interested in being more than my friend, because if he was he would have tried to kiss me, offered to buy me dinner, done something that was more than just friendly. Sure, some part of me secretly wonders why. We're both single, attractive adults, but I'm happy having a new friend who won't talk in the middle of movies and will listen to my stories.

Then it happens, it always happens. Maybe there's too much beer involved; maybe, as in the latest case, there's too little electricity -- whatever. He makes his move. It doesn't matter whether I end up making out with him or I say something along the lines of I'd rather preserve our friendship, because right then, the friendship is over. It never turns into that romantic-comedy mushy romance of my lifetime crap. Either I call too much after that because I still think we're friends or, horror of horrors, I might be hoping that there was more to this than a one-night stand and he thinks I'm being clingy or he gets clingy or I hurt his ego or whatever. It never works out; we never can remain friends.

Observations from the crowd?

Comments

[kpollock.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I generally just jumped people as soon as I felt the urge (well, you know, I might wait for a slightly more private place). Perks of being female I suppose :-) If we all did that then there woudln't be a problem.

Nobody that I was friends with, then slept with seemed to fall out with me or stop talking to me (not even Chris C - we always still talked [shouted, fought] maybe that was the problem :-) )

I am famously oblivious to people being interested in me, though, so I suppose I miss a lot of the first stage for that reason too.

Sex isn't a big deal, either its presence or absence. I don't have much of an ego that way - if you don't fancy me, I won't get upset and I won't stop talking to you. Not everybody likes the same thing - like pizza toppings or whatever.


Of the men I have known for a long time, there have been the ones I fancied but weren't into me, the ones that were interested in me but I wasn't in them (or didn't notice) and the ones where there was mutual interest. Probably on an even split. I can't recall that anybody ever fell out with me over it. (Well apparently Martyn Jack did, but I never noticed).