Abuse

[andrewducker]

There's a meme spreading called No Pity. No Shame. No Silence. whereby women who have been abused in some way tell the world, so that it becomes clear how widespread a problem it is.

I've lost track of how many people who have posted it, and while i've had a variant on this poll before, I think it's time to wheel it out again:

[Poll #331856]

By sexual abuse I mean any situation where there was a sexually unpleasant situation which was against your wishes.  Anything from rape to someone exposing themselves.

If you did your own post and want to link to it, that'd be good too.

Comments

[kurosau.livejournal.com]

Actually, one of the things I like about this article is the fact that it doesn't limit it to women. It's sort of an "everyone against sexual violence" thing, which I find important.

[douglasbryant.livejournal.com]

This is certainly a difficult topic.
It takes guts to post something like this.
Well done.

[allorin.livejournal.com]

It doesn't take Andy guts to post a poll, it takes other people guts to respond to it....

[yonmei.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. And I confess that while I joined the meme on my own journal, where I could write down exactly what happened, I have no temptation whatsoever to join Andy's poll, where I don't.

[nickys.livejournal.com]

My impression was that it wasn't just for women.

[birdofparadox.livejournal.com]

it's not just for women. it's just sadly a) the numbers are definitely higher on the female end of things, and b) there's an eve bigger stigma when it happens to men.

[allorin.livejournal.com]

I've been considering posting about it, mainly after reading yours, but I'm not sure. It's not something I've shared with more than two people. Even my parents and brother don't know.

[birdofparadox.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[cx650.livejournal.com]

It's not something I talk about a lot but if I feel that either the conversation or the person with whom I am having the conversation warrants the mention I will tell of my experience. I am very fortunate in that I seem to have escaped any serious emotional consequences. Also, importantly, some of my female friends have found that it makes me easy to talk to about their own abuse.

[birdofparadox.livejournal.com]

I've come out of it with some nasty scars, but by and large, I feel incredibly lucky that I managed to get through as unscathed as I am. So many of my friends have been nearly crippled by abuse.

The person who managed to pull me out of my silence was an amazing man, who made no bones about what had happened to him, despite what anyone else said (he was usually met with disbelief, and even laughter, as if it wasn't remotely possible.) He was a rock... a very determined, fierce rock, and his insistence that there was nothing to be ashamed of helped me come to a spot of relative peace with it. I'm glad you're sharing, even limitedly (is that even a word? ;-) )..

[douglasbryant.livejournal.com]

I know Men here, who were abused but are not posting, so I think you will find that the numbers of abused are not so biased by gender.

A question I would have though is how many of the Abusers were men.
I have the feeling that most of them probably were.

[birdofparadox.livejournal.com]

I'm merely parroting statistics. Statistics published in the states are exponentially higher for women than for men, though I think they're both lower than reality unfortunately would have it.

[douglasbryant.livejournal.com]

Yeah all in all, a difficult subject to talk about.

What gets me is that some people feel justified in vitimising others.

Oh and I just found out, in Germany, where I live you can get 5/10 years for selling something copyied on cd, but with rape you sometimes get off with less.

Infact you can kill someone and get off with good bahaviour in less than five years.

So the moral is...
If you are caught copying cd's it's better to kill and rape the person and hide the evidence of the copying, and with luck your out in less than 5 years.

I am not one for the death penalty, but a decent sentance of 10+ years would make me happier.

[birdofparadox.livejournal.com]

Excuse my candor, but that's so fucked up, I can't say much more beyond that.

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

At this moment (around 5:30PM, Pacific time) the numbers are running about 1 in 4 male survivors of sexual violence, well over half of women are survivors.

[andrewducker]

And the other half didn't survive?

[birdofparadox.livejournal.com]

It's certainly a better word than VICTIM, don't you think?

Word are very important, and have great power and implication.

[andrewducker]

But 'surviving' indicates that it was likely that you weren't going to.

Victim is the perfect word. It means "one that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent" or "one that is subjected to oppression, hardship, or mistreatment". Both of which would apply in this case.

[birdofparadox.livejournal.com]

Victim is also a weak word, with synonyms like quarry, prey, fool, chump, and sucker.

Survivor IS a rather appropriate word, in my opinion, mainly because I know more than a few people who have barely pulled through, or haven't at all. I know a great number of folks who felt so belittled and worthless afterwards, they attempted suicide.

Survivor

intransitive senses
1 : to remain alive or in existence : live on
2 : to continue to function or prosper
transitive senses
1 : to remain alive after the death of
2 : to continue to exist or live after
3 : to continue to function or prosper despite : WITHSTAND

Survival isn't all about death.

[douglasbryant.livejournal.com]

I remember reading about a "survivor" from a Polish concentration camp.
He said in the end there were only four words that really meant anything to him.
"I am still Alive"..