andrewducker: (Default)
[personal profile] andrewducker
I was chatting to my brother over the weekend, who is currently waiting for a baby to burst out of his partner[1]. And I was thinking about what advice I wish I'd had before Sophia was born. And I passed on a few bits and pieces (much though I feel that new parents are overburdened with advice I couldn't help myself). And then thought I'd share more widely.

1) Remember at all times that no matter how tired you are, your partner is almost certainly much more tired. Basically, give her a free pass for the first few months, if not longer. (The hormonal changes a few days in are no fun either)
2) There is no point just comforting a crying baby - they just don't understand what you're trying to do. Distract the fuck out of them instead. (This from a baby psychologist on a BBC documentary. Obviously if something is actually wrong then fix it.)
3) Babies are their own tutorial. They start off really simple, with about three things to remember, and then once you've got the hang of those things they start adding new ones on. But you don't need to panic about whether you can do it, it's not complicated, just full on.(This was excellent advice Adam gave me before Sophia was born)
4) Bonding - do not panic if it takes you six months (or longer) to fall in love with your child. I certainly felt incredibly protective of Sophia from the moment she was born, but I didn't feel fully connected to her until she was able to smile at me, and we could have some kind of interaction. It's really easy to feel awful because all the TV and movies says it happens instantly, but it can take a fair while, so don't worry about it. (Thanks to Hal for this one)
5) Ignore any advice you don't like.

[1] or Spring Forth from. Or Request An Exit Visa from. I've lost track of the current terminology.

Date: 2019-06-17 09:40 am (UTC)
channelpenguin: (Default)
From: [personal profile] channelpenguin
Is this Mike or Hugh?

Date: 2019-06-17 11:26 am (UTC)
channelpenguin: (Default)
From: [personal profile] channelpenguin
oh right, I could not remember!

Wow. Say congratulations from me.

Date: 2019-06-17 10:22 am (UTC)
aldabra: (Default)
From: [personal profile] aldabra
6) Do not buy newborn clothes that go on over the head, however cute they are.
7) It is possible to read a book by torchlight with a glass of wine while encouraging a baby to sleep; this makes it much more bearable.
8) You're allowed to put them down somewhere safe and take a break before you get homicidal.
9) For the first three months or so, they will go to sleep in restaurants as a defensive response to the noise and stimulation. This is good.

Date: 2019-06-17 11:27 am (UTC)
channelpenguin: (Default)
From: [personal profile] channelpenguin
as a non-baby person, the reason for number 6 is? Is it just awkward to do while properly supporting their head?

Date: 2019-06-18 07:05 am (UTC)
channelpenguin: (Default)
From: [personal profile] channelpenguin
ah, I also thought that might be a reason. I wonder why they hate it so much? As in is there any good evolutionary-type reason.

Date: 2019-06-17 12:13 pm (UTC)
annie_r: (Default)
From: [personal profile] annie_r
Non-parent here, but I would also advise to be on the lookout for post-partum depression. Seems somewhat common but sometimes not noticed/denied due to all the exhaustion and other hormonal stuff. (as a non-parent, my thoughts all go to 'support the one who gave birth at all times')

Date: 2019-06-17 04:12 pm (UTC)
doug: (Default)
From: [personal profile] doug
"Ignore any advice you don't like."

This is my favourite advice. I found this a lot harder once my child was actually born. Before then I felt able to let unwanted advice I disagreed with float over my head, but I found it harder to do that when you have the actual baby in my arms.

Relatedly, probably best steer clear of the baby-rearing wars (feeding, sleeping, etc). Check out a range of approaches and then go with what feels right to you and the child's mother. You will not be on top form for arguing and you do not need to win arguments to care for your child the way you think right. And I say this as someone with very strong Views about the right answer to many of the usual disputes.

Date: 2019-06-17 04:13 pm (UTC)
doug: (Default)
From: [personal profile] doug
Also, it can be really really hard, and it can be really really awesome. Sometimes at the same time. Different people are different.

Date: 2019-06-17 04:21 pm (UTC)
original_aj: (Default)
From: [personal profile] original_aj
Most importantly, do not discard the packaging! ;)

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