Sound of Music Review
Jun. 19th, 2003 03:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
andrewduckerWritten by someone here at Standard Life and far too funny not to share:
Apparently I went to see this every day for a week when I was 5, which my parents are quick to blame on my pestering but I suspect I was a scapegoat, as so often happens with parents, especially those with mountain backgrounds.
So, in support of Miss Elaine "Wedding Barbie" Hynd's quest for perfect wifely examples, we come to this classic tale of Catholic sexual reppression set against a backdrop of Nazi BDSM chic with rock 'n' roll irreverence and wanton musical osmosis.
An Austrian Captain, Georg Von Trapp, [who might've sold the E from his name to Leee John, which would make him an E dealer, or perhaps an e-trader] served in that renowned force of the high seas, the Austrian navy, but is now a widower with 7 rotten kids to raise due to his wife's untimely and unmusical demise. Maybe she fell off a mountain, tra la la. The Malignant 7, Liesl [leader], Louisa [knives], Friedrich [explosives], Kurt [sniper], Brigitta [maps], Marta [getaway driving] and Gretl [languages and forgery] have destroyed many a nanny within the austere confines of Castle Von Trapp but the Captain is in a world of his own after his wife's uncertain footwork and lets them get away with murder, especially in the supermarket where other shoppers are regularly pelted with goat's cheese and cuckoo clocks. They cut that bit out to avoid a more severe censor's rating.
Meanwhile, the boyish Joan of Arc of the local convent, Maria, who has yearned, ached, fantasised of becoming a sistah, just isn't cutting it in the bible-bashing dept. and is frozen out by the old Mutha Superior, who has a postion for her under the Captain. [Did I mention Sid James aided Oscar Hammerstein with the libretto?]
Maria soon has the "kids" eating out of her under-achieving hands when she teaches them to sing. She is like Debbie Allan from Fame but white and with short hair. She has them jumping up and down steps to learn scales, a very good place to start seeing as many rock stars have trouble negotiating stairs at the best of times. Once she knows she has their trust she begins her campaign of corruption with a story she heard about a goat boy, maybe from a Bill Hicks video. The goat boy is getting "high" listening to Cypress Hill and thinking of the cast of Bangkok Ladyboys as he sings, "lady oh lady oh lay he-ho," a he-ho being a male prostitute of some kind, which should please Richard Gere no end. This is no kind of tale to tell Austrians who don't have TV due to bad reception and so are naive to the ways of Maria's red light world.
Finally, the kids are ready for 'Pop Stars - the Rednecks' but the Nazis want the Captain back in the navy as his beloved Muthaland sells out to the German Fatherland. Being a courageous and dutiful Captain he does a runner and he, the brats and his trailer trash nanny who has used his depression to worm her way into his substantial armed forces pension [probably], hightail it to America where they become TV celebrities, changing their name to Brady, Partridge, Jackson etc. to sustain their hold on familial Broadway dominance.
Like Andy Warhol producing Radiohead with a hint of Daliesque perversity, it caused teddy boys to rip up cinema seats, the Beatles to grow their hair long and Buddy Holly to throw away his glasses, not the wisest move when piloting a small aircraft.
See it but don't take your parents.
ObQ: "I wonder what grass tastes like."
Apparently I went to see this every day for a week when I was 5, which my parents are quick to blame on my pestering but I suspect I was a scapegoat, as so often happens with parents, especially those with mountain backgrounds.
So, in support of Miss Elaine "Wedding Barbie" Hynd's quest for perfect wifely examples, we come to this classic tale of Catholic sexual reppression set against a backdrop of Nazi BDSM chic with rock 'n' roll irreverence and wanton musical osmosis.
An Austrian Captain, Georg Von Trapp, [who might've sold the E from his name to Leee John, which would make him an E dealer, or perhaps an e-trader] served in that renowned force of the high seas, the Austrian navy, but is now a widower with 7 rotten kids to raise due to his wife's untimely and unmusical demise. Maybe she fell off a mountain, tra la la. The Malignant 7, Liesl [leader], Louisa [knives], Friedrich [explosives], Kurt [sniper], Brigitta [maps], Marta [getaway driving] and Gretl [languages and forgery] have destroyed many a nanny within the austere confines of Castle Von Trapp but the Captain is in a world of his own after his wife's uncertain footwork and lets them get away with murder, especially in the supermarket where other shoppers are regularly pelted with goat's cheese and cuckoo clocks. They cut that bit out to avoid a more severe censor's rating.
Meanwhile, the boyish Joan of Arc of the local convent, Maria, who has yearned, ached, fantasised of becoming a sistah, just isn't cutting it in the bible-bashing dept. and is frozen out by the old Mutha Superior, who has a postion for her under the Captain. [Did I mention Sid James aided Oscar Hammerstein with the libretto?]
Maria soon has the "kids" eating out of her under-achieving hands when she teaches them to sing. She is like Debbie Allan from Fame but white and with short hair. She has them jumping up and down steps to learn scales, a very good place to start seeing as many rock stars have trouble negotiating stairs at the best of times. Once she knows she has their trust she begins her campaign of corruption with a story she heard about a goat boy, maybe from a Bill Hicks video. The goat boy is getting "high" listening to Cypress Hill and thinking of the cast of Bangkok Ladyboys as he sings, "lady oh lady oh lay he-ho," a he-ho being a male prostitute of some kind, which should please Richard Gere no end. This is no kind of tale to tell Austrians who don't have TV due to bad reception and so are naive to the ways of Maria's red light world.
Finally, the kids are ready for 'Pop Stars - the Rednecks' but the Nazis want the Captain back in the navy as his beloved Muthaland sells out to the German Fatherland. Being a courageous and dutiful Captain he does a runner and he, the brats and his trailer trash nanny who has used his depression to worm her way into his substantial armed forces pension [probably], hightail it to America where they become TV celebrities, changing their name to Brady, Partridge, Jackson etc. to sustain their hold on familial Broadway dominance.
Like Andy Warhol producing Radiohead with a hint of Daliesque perversity, it caused teddy boys to rip up cinema seats, the Beatles to grow their hair long and Buddy Holly to throw away his glasses, not the wisest move when piloting a small aircraft.
See it but don't take your parents.
ObQ: "I wonder what grass tastes like."
no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 07:53 am (UTC)