(no subject)

[andrewducker]

[Poll #141067]

Comments

[ex-digitalis869.livejournal.com]

I wanted to answer this survey, but i wasn't entirely sure how i *should* answer it.

Here's the deal: I have a pretty solid rule never to hook up with friends, for two reasons. If someone *really* is my friend, i'm getting what i want and need from them already, without complicating things with sex and the eventual breakup. If i'm not happy with the friend relationship, then sleeping with them isn't going to fix anything.

Also, i've seen nothing but disaster when someone hooks up with a friend, both for other people i know, and the few times i've broken my rule. (Hey, none of my rules are set in stone).

However, i don't just go around sexing strangers. It just isn't my thing. What happens, generally is that if i feel any chemistry with someone immediately, and they're available, i pursue them. If they're interested, we start "going out". After a reasonable number of dates, when i'm fairly convinced they're not lunatics, and if things are going pretty well and it looks like we're "dating" we will have sex. This time period varies anywhere between several weeks and several months, depending on how much i've seen of this person and other relevant factors, like how many other people i know in this person's life, as reference points to who they really are.

I think my answer (at least for how you phrased it) is probably "Have sex with someone at random and then find out if I want to know them better" although to me it seems like neither answer fits.

[andrewducker]

Most of that seems reasonable, except that I've been friends with most of my girlfriends before going out with them - and I wouldn;t have gone out with them unless I'd already known them well and realised how much I liked them.

I need to grow into relationships - I can't get instantly attracted to people, or trust them instantly (and I won't be sleeping with anyone I don't trust and am not comfortable with).