Socially active

[andrewducker]

[Poll #1763841]

Context for the first one was a discussion with Julie about how some people seem to be able to have sex with people, even if they don't like them, and other's don't seem to be able to do that.
Context for the second one is a discussion with a friend about whether sitting in the same room as other people while you all watch TV is a social activity or not.

I answered yes - because I actively get more enjoyment out of doing things while around other people than doing them when I'm by myself. I like company, even if I'm not actively engaging with them.

Comments

[meaningrequired.livejournal.com]

My definitions of social activities require the interaction of others (and actually I'm using a similar definition in my research, because its all about the interaction).

Sitting in a room reading a book while other people are reading; not a social activity, but on the other hand its a social environment.

[anton-p-nym.livejournal.com]

a social activity, but on the other hand its a social environment.

I like the distinction, and I think it's one worth making.

I'd also like to say that (IMO) watching a movie or play in the theatre with others is the same while you're in the theatre... not a social activity, but it is a social environment. However, it becomes a social activity outside the event itself; coordinating the trip, discussing the film/play, chatting in the lobby, and the like.

-- Steve is a bit narrow in his definition of social activity, perhaps, but he thinks it requires actual exchanges between participants. (Though not necessarily verbal exchanges, granted.)

[channelpenguin.livejournal.com]

I agree, for me, there has to be interaction. With me, there always is :-) I am (as Andy might recall) very much a talker-through-films precisely BECAUSE (to me) the point of watching a film in the company of others IS to have social interaction. I want to knoe what they think and feel *as it happens* when it's immediate and fresh, not just later, after contemplation and having seen 'what happens next'.

On the sex one - yeah, I'd say don't have to like them, hell I've done it often enough with people I don't even *know* and have only met hours previously... but I don't actively DIS-like many people, and my main option for folks who don't get on with (or who dn't get on with me) is just to avoid them, so I'm not sure what my 'real' answer is.

[philmophlegm.livejournal.com]

Is it really prudish and / or naive of me to be a) shocked that anyone would even need to _ask_ the first question, b) be really shocked that anyone would answer it other than 'No' and c) be truly gobsmacked that almost half of people answered it 'Yes'?

[andrewducker]

Yes :->

People pick up other people in clubs all of the time who they don't even know anything about. And people sometimes continue having sex with people after they stop liking them. And people sometimes just really want to have sex, and the person they are finding attractive at that point isn't someone they have a liking for.

Edit: it's split fairly evenly between the sexes too, from the data so far.

[kerrypolka.livejournal.com]

I've certainly had sex with people I didn't actively like enough to want to be friends with or to bother trying to keep in contact with afterwards, but who were friendly, pleasant, fun and attractive-to-me enough for an evening of bonking.

[johncoxon.livejournal.com]

Angry angry hate sex is the best kind of sex!

[jfargo.livejournal.com]

The first one: I just found out that I'm not capable of this. There needs to be feelings there for me. It's a must.

The second bit: meaningrequired brought up "social environment" as opposed to "social activity" but I'm going to (and did) count them as the same thing for this poll.

Strangely, I found myself clicking the button for being in the same room reading a book, but not for being in the same room surfing the internet. My brain wouldn't let me. I think this is why I get annoyed when my friends pull out their phones during "social time" and start surfing/texting/etc; I simply don't think of that as time being spent with each other when we're theoretically trying to spend time together.

I didn't know this about myself.

[jfargo.livejournal.com]

After thinking about this for a moment I think the distinction is that when I'm online I'm usually being social with other people who aren't there. Unless I'm actively involving a second person who is in the room with me (web chat, watching youtube videos, etc) I am focused on my web interactions, not that person whereas when I'm reading books with a friend (yes, I do this)we often will read each other passages that make us laugh/cry/feel and laugh with each other. Or even when we're not doing that we're still with each other instead of focusing on other people.

[ashfae.livejournal.com]

the first three are a shared experience which in almost always discussed afterwards, so they count for me. Reading/internet are usually more private even if other people are in the room, so I didn't count them, though actually I wonder if I should.

[bart-calendar.livejournal.com]

Anyone who has never had Hate Sex is missing out. As is anyone who has never had Asshole Sex (not anal sex, sex with someone who you fuck because they are a complete asshole.)

Both should be sampled rarely, but are seriously gourmet sexual flavors.

[kashandara.livejournal.com]

This

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

If you're female, sometimes how you feel about it doesn't really enter the equation. It's not rape, because you end up saying yes, but you say yes because of all the endless nagging bullying pressure.

[andrewducker]

That's why I specified "consensual". Because I specifically didn't want to include that kind of thing. I wanted people who wanted to have sex with someone, even though they didn't like them.

[andrewducker]

Also, while I appreciate that it almost certainly happens more to women, the above also happens to men.

[bart-calendar.livejournal.com]

I also have female friends who like having sex with guys they describe as "assholes" or "bullies" - because it's a turn on.

And for my part, the more batshit crazy and full of red flags that drive me crazy a woman has the more I find her attractive.

[redshira.livejournal.com]

Re: my yes answer to the first question - it never used to be a problem for me at all, and I pretty much would shag whoever was willing and at hand if I was in the mood for it, but for the last six years or so - handily coinciding with my relationship with James - I've become much less inclined to do that, and would probably not be willing to have sex with someone if I didn't like and trust them.

[kerrypolka.livejournal.com]

Are we defining "like" as "active positive feelings towards" or "absence of dislike"? If you feel "meh" about someone, is that liking them or not?

[andrewducker]

I'd say "active positive feelings towards".

[cavalorn.livejournal.com]

I'm sure I could shag someone I actively disliked, but I'm damned if I can think of any reason why I'd ever want to.

[andrewducker]

The point being to find out how many people think like that, and how many purple are quite happy to have sex with whoever will sate their desires, with personality compatibility not being a deciding factor.

[marrog.livejournal.com]

I've said surfing the net because Erin and me surfing the net usually involves us sharing things we're reading, so it becomes social even though our activities are separate. But generally I would only count as 'social' things where there's some sort of feedback. Actually watching TV/a film could I suppose be social even without talking if it's the sort of show or film that elicits a paralinguistic response such as laughter or tears - Erin and I used to watch streamed telly while on audiochat together when we were thousands of miles apart as a way to 'hang out' with one another - our laughter and comments were a way of feeling that we were spending time together without it having to be all-communication-all-the-time.

Cinema-going is a social activity too, because every good cinema trip involves a drink together or a walk home in the same direction afterward to share initial reactions.

[zz]

if i were just out of practice rather than headfucked as well, i'd almost prefer to fuck people i wasn't interested in beyond that, rather than inflict an unsatisfying experience on someone i actually liked and wanted to have future interaction with. :>

[xquiq.livejournal.com]

The sex thing - when I was younger, perhaps people I hadn't developed a full relationship with; but people I actively dislike - not likely.

Social activities, for me depends who with. For example, if a friend and I sit on the sofa and watch Torchwood, that in itself is not social (although were that to happend, we'd no doubt have something social before or after), but for Tim and I, if we cuddle up on the sofa to watch something in silence that can be social - particularly if one of us has been travelling on business, because communication is not only verbal and after a time away, you get to miss that physical closeness.

[eatsoylentgreen.livejournal.com]

I think I'm going to friend all the people who have had "hate sex". Although I think I myself haven't had hate sex.

Someone I didn't like at the time? There's all kinds of like, I guess. Someone I disliked? Hated? Or just someone that I was "meh" about, but not really liked.

When I have sex with an atheist woman, she's often really really surprised and offended if she finds out that I sometimes have sex without the feeling of wanting to be with that person forever. It betrays the ethics that I do not have, but she thinks that I have.

[eatsoylentgreen.livejournal.com]

as a btw