Something I'd like you not to do in my journal

[andrewducker]

And, frankly, something other people would probably rather you didn't do in
their journal either:

If I post about how awesome X is, and then a bunch of people join in, also
excited about how awesome X is, and we're all dancing in a big circle,
waving our arms in the air and shouting "Woohoo for X!" then please don't
be the person who stomps in and says "X is rubbish."

Because you're taking something that people are happily enjoying, for their
own personal reasons, and mashing it down with a big grumpy hammer.

It doesn't make you cool. It doesn't make people respect your opinions
more. It doesn't change anyone's mind (if I actively enjoy X then I'm not
going to suddenly cry "What was I thinking? X actually made me feel like
someone stole my puppy!"). All it does is give you an outlet for your
venting, while reducing the happiness of the people who were, until that
point, squeeing at each other.

If you actively hate X then the place to vent about it is on _your_
journal.

This isn't to knock positive contributions. If you want to tell me that if
I like X then I might like Y even more, that's great! Deflect my
enthusiasm with your enthusiasm, and I'll feel enthusiastic about listening
to you!

And it's not to say that legitimate criticisms aren't ok - if X is made
from grinding up kittens into paste, and you think there's a chance we
don't know about that, then by all means ask if we know.

Discussion is fine. Legitimately asking why I like X, and what I think is
good/bad about it, also fine.

But please don't leap into a group of happy people and tell them that
they're wrong to like something, because frankly, it's just rude.

(Reviews are a different matter - posting a review which talks about
positive and negative aspects of something is asking for discussion of the
subject matter. I'm talking specifically about exciting, celebratory
posts.)

Comments

[bart-calendar.livejournal.com]

Who shitstomred your journal?

I'm behind on my LJ reading.

[andrewducker]

Nobody. This has been triggered by me getting increasingly fed up with that behaviour in various places.

[bart-calendar.livejournal.com]

Gotcha.

Well, as long as you don't do a long post about your love of Hall & Oates I promise never to do the shitdance in your LJ.

[poisonduk.livejournal.com]

I'm behind this guy 100% although can I add Celine Dion to the list of things that must never be celebrated?

[bart-calendar.livejournal.com]

The Celine Dion fan club has never sent me death threats.

I have, however, gotten death threats from the Hall & Oates fan club. So, I don't feel the need to shit on Celine - the hearing impaired have the right to listen to music too.

[poisonduk.livejournal.com]

May I just say I think X is the best thing since sliced bread! Y is a different matter though - Y is far to pretentious and IMHO smells!!

[poisonduk.livejournal.com]

They've never sent me death threats either, but her music has almost driven me to inserting sharp objects in my own ears!

[poisonduk.livejournal.com]

OH BTW can you review Tinker Tailor please? I actually hold your reviews in more respect than most! Is it worth two hours of my time?

[strawberryfrog.livejournal.com]

Meh, X used to be great, but then it just went mainstream and sold out. Now it's dumbed down and the herd all like it.

[bart-calendar.livejournal.com]

Ha!

My favorite email ever, I have to admit, was when a woman sent me a message that read "I'll have you know that the 98 members of my local Hall & Oates fan club would never want to associate with a person like you."

I also liked this one:

"Hall and Oates can't be that bad or they wouldn't be hanging out and making music with the likes of Chromeo and Gym Class Heros.
If you want to debate bad music, please stop by my Hall and Oates discussion board, our 440 members would LOVE to debate bad music with you.

http://z9.invisionfree.com/HallandOatesForever/index.php?act=Login&CODE=00

G
Have a nice day and go fuck yourself!"

That's when I decided that ANY time there is a chance to make fun of Hall & Oates online I will take it.

[bart-calendar.livejournal.com]

I'll have you know I was listening/watching/masturbating to X before they were popular and were still cool!

[momentsmusicaux.livejournal.com]

What about when Simon and I said 'meh just don't get it' about your mass wagamamma excitement on FB last week?

[andrewducker]

Depends on whether people are offering better suggestions, or just saying "I don't get it, there's lots of better places."

Basically, it's a tone thing. If you come across as accepting that other people like Wagamama, then that's fine, if you're coming across as thinking that you know best, and that other people couldn't possibly want to go there by choice, then that's bad.

[spacelem.livejournal.com]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0la5DBtOVNI

[andrewducker]

Done!

[calum]

Does the reverse apply? If a bunch of people are saying "X sucks! We hate X", and dancing in a big circle going "Down with X".. is saying "X is cool" also spoiling the party?

Should I hide my secret love of Hall and Oates? :)

[andrewducker]

That I'm less worried about (injecting optimism into a mass of negativity doesn't sound that bad to me).

But again it comes down to tone. If you're standing there shouting "You're all idiots for not loving Britney the way I do!!!!!" then that's different to "There's this one song she did that I rather like."

[gwendally.livejournal.com]

The Golden Rule trips me up all the time. I actually prefer to know when I'm talking out of my ass. If someone says "X is wonderful!!!<3" and I figure they've missed something significant I guess I assume they would want to know. I would. But I'm a cold and callous person who lets reason and logic rule me. I understand that most humans are different than me. Better at most things. Worse at reasoning, though.

I have certainly tripped up on that a few times. But the people who are still on my friends list are people who know that I love to dive into meaty ideas. I usually take the devil's advocate position, just because "me too!" has no value in the conversation as far as I can tell.

If it is NOT a meaty idea, if there *is* a clearly nonconsequential issue, I'm never going to go say, "What, you like American Idol? That's trash!" De gustabus non disputandum est. Nor do I get into any of this on Facebook, where people's employment and family members are witnessing. (It that forum I pride myself on not saying stupid shit so no corrections are needed, but, omg, do people ever say stupid shit on Facebook!!!)

So, what do you propose I do when people say, "let's all go shoot those bastards! Yeah, killing, that's the way!" Sadly, I've witnessed a few of those. My training, my instinct, is to pop up and say, "not okay. Hatred not okay. Violence not okay. Stop this now."

Is that okay?

Edited to add: also, from my point of view, hardly ANYTHING is wonderful. EVERYTHING has pluses and minuses, trade-offs. So anyone asserting something is wonderful is automatically wrong. Being okay with the minuses is fine, but ignoring them? That implies something else.

[marrog.livejournal.com]

I know that I piss on popular things around the place on a semi-regular basis, but I hope (!) that I do it in a way that's a little more constructive/inviting of debate than this. Partly because (in my short memory) I tend to be expressing reservations about things I in fact like also but have X or Y issue with - Doctor Who being an excellent example, True Blood or Glee being others. Certainly I never intend to lessen anyone else's enjoyment of a thing.

So if I've been guilty of being pointlessly negative then many apologies - I'll certainly keep an eye on my own behaviour for a bit until I forget again.

[andrewducker]

It's people who don't seem to realise that de gustabus non disputandmum that get to me.

[andrewducker]

Thank you, appreciated, and I haven't noticed you doing that recently!

[chuma.livejournal.com]

"But please don't leap into a group of happy people and tell them that they're wrong to like something, because frankly, it's just rude."

What if someone just voices their own opinion as in "I don't like X because Y"? Surely getting a range of opinions is the point of things like this rather than always having your opinions reaffirmed? Or is it entirely the phrasing such as "X sucks! I have no idea why you like it." being unreasonable?

[marrog.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't know. I know I'm very free with criticism but it tends to be of the:

Them: "OMG THIS EPISODE OF THIS THING I LOVE WAS AWESOME!"
Me: "Really? I thought it was a bit contrived/boring/silly/not up to usual standards for x/y/z/ reason..."

variety, and I'm not sure if what's quite the sort of thing you mean...

[andrewducker]

See the "really" bit at the start of your sentence? That implies that you don't think they really mean it. Or that they should rethink their liking of it. It comes across as thinking that if they were smart/had good taste/better breeding/the mutant X gene that they wouldn't believe that, and that if they thought about it for more than ten seconds they would believe something else.

Which probably isn't what you intend to project :->

Leave it off and it sounds a lot nicer. Add in "I'm glad you enjoyed it, but it didn't work for me because..." at the start and people will almost get a warm glow from your disagreement :->

[andrewducker]

Depends on tone (see above).

Coming in with a positive, understanding attitude, and realising that people may actually like something different is a whole lot better than implying that they only like it because their mother is also their sister.