Review Fist of the North Star
Apr. 14th, 2003 04:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
andrewduckerI was invited round to my brother's house to watch some Anime this weekend. I'm quite happy to watch Anime and very fond of a few classics (Perfect Blue, Akira, Princess Mononoke), so I walked round to join the fun.
At which point I discovered that the videos included such gems as "Fist of the North Star" a movie I'd carefully avoided in the past because a friend's description of it left me with the impression that it largely revolved around people's heads exploding. Now, there's only one true exploding head movie and that's Cronenberg's "Scanners", but by this time pizza was ready so I decided to settle in for duration.
There are times when a reviewer simply can't find the words to describe something, when the depths of emotion they feel simply overpower their meager grasp of the English language. When this happens, there's only one thing left to do - plagiarise.
"This was bad. Bad beyond all possible dimensions of badness. This bad film simply oozed badness from every rotten pore." "Well, maybe it wasn't _that_ bad, but, Lord, it wasn't good."
It's basically one long series of fights set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. The backdrop is pretty nicely depicted, and there's a few nice one-liners, but generally speaking the film was one long exercise in pubescent gore-fulfillment. You can imagine the 'writers' sitting around the table, discussing possibilities: "Dude, how about when he punches people their heads, like, explode!" "Dude, I love it, but how about it takes a few seconds before their heads explode so that we can get a witty one-liner in!" "Dude, that's so cool, but I'm not sure that I can make them very witty!" "S'ok dude, we'll just add extra blood to make up for the lack of wit!" "Dude!!!"
The terrible dialogue is only overshadowed by the plot. In most films, some action happens off-screen to shield us from the gore. In this film, all the gore happens on-screen and the character development happens off-screen. We slowly pick up the fact that three of the characters are brothers, that they have a long history, that there have always been rivalries and that they have plotted against each other. But I gleaned most of this from my friend Rob, who'd read the comics they film was based on. The rule the filmmakers seemed to be following was "If it can't be explained in the dialogue of a fight scene, it's not worth explaining."
Fortunately, I was watching it with a group of friends who didn't take it any more seriously than me. When one of the major characters rescues his sister (apparently his quest of some years) and then we next see him and he's not with her, several explanations were put forward for where she'd gone. These varied from "Shopping" to "In search of a better film."
I recommend that you only watch this in one of three situations: (a) if you have things to throw at the screen (b) while so drunk that you're higher brain functions are unavailable (c) while dead
There's a fantastic guide to the rules of Anime at: http://pantransit.reptiles.org/images/2001-01-14/anime.txt Fist of the North Star ably demonstrates several of these, including:
11.Law of Inherent Combustability Everything explodes. Everything. First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
and
18.Law of Hemoglobin Capacity The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
29.Law of Melee Luminescence Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
Score: 2/10
OBQuote: Ken: "You are already dead" (said repeatedly, after he punches someone and before their head explodes)
At which point I discovered that the videos included such gems as "Fist of the North Star" a movie I'd carefully avoided in the past because a friend's description of it left me with the impression that it largely revolved around people's heads exploding. Now, there's only one true exploding head movie and that's Cronenberg's "Scanners", but by this time pizza was ready so I decided to settle in for duration.
There are times when a reviewer simply can't find the words to describe something, when the depths of emotion they feel simply overpower their meager grasp of the English language. When this happens, there's only one thing left to do - plagiarise.
"This was bad. Bad beyond all possible dimensions of badness. This bad film simply oozed badness from every rotten pore." "Well, maybe it wasn't _that_ bad, but, Lord, it wasn't good."
It's basically one long series of fights set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. The backdrop is pretty nicely depicted, and there's a few nice one-liners, but generally speaking the film was one long exercise in pubescent gore-fulfillment. You can imagine the 'writers' sitting around the table, discussing possibilities: "Dude, how about when he punches people their heads, like, explode!" "Dude, I love it, but how about it takes a few seconds before their heads explode so that we can get a witty one-liner in!" "Dude, that's so cool, but I'm not sure that I can make them very witty!" "S'ok dude, we'll just add extra blood to make up for the lack of wit!" "Dude!!!"
The terrible dialogue is only overshadowed by the plot. In most films, some action happens off-screen to shield us from the gore. In this film, all the gore happens on-screen and the character development happens off-screen. We slowly pick up the fact that three of the characters are brothers, that they have a long history, that there have always been rivalries and that they have plotted against each other. But I gleaned most of this from my friend Rob, who'd read the comics they film was based on. The rule the filmmakers seemed to be following was "If it can't be explained in the dialogue of a fight scene, it's not worth explaining."
Fortunately, I was watching it with a group of friends who didn't take it any more seriously than me. When one of the major characters rescues his sister (apparently his quest of some years) and then we next see him and he's not with her, several explanations were put forward for where she'd gone. These varied from "Shopping" to "In search of a better film."
I recommend that you only watch this in one of three situations: (a) if you have things to throw at the screen (b) while so drunk that you're higher brain functions are unavailable (c) while dead
There's a fantastic guide to the rules of Anime at: http://pantransit.reptiles.org/images/2001-01-14/anime.txt Fist of the North Star ably demonstrates several of these, including:
11.Law of Inherent Combustability Everything explodes. Everything. First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
and
18.Law of Hemoglobin Capacity The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
29.Law of Melee Luminescence Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
Score: 2/10
OBQuote: Ken: "You are already dead" (said repeatedly, after he punches someone and before their head explodes)
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no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 09:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 09:17 am (UTC)Apparently I just don't like exploding people enough :->
no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 11:36 am (UTC)One or two of the fights were mildy amusing, but the pace was remarkably draggy.
Try 'Ninja Scroll' and 'Ghost in the Shell'. And 'Laputa', and all those Evangelion CDs of mine. =)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 11:41 am (UTC)I have Ghost in the Shell, but haven't watched it yet.
Laputa I want to see - there's a complete Studio Ghibli collection available for $50 on import, but I'm trying not to buy it this week.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 11:49 am (UTC)Watch GitS. easy to get into, nice gradual story, and some beautiful animation. It's good, honest. Not *quite* up there with Akira, but very much in the same vein.
(big, stadium-taking-over vein)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-16 05:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-16 11:50 pm (UTC)I do!
My precioussssssss
no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 12:33 pm (UTC)Ninja Scroll and Ghost in the Shell both rock, though.