Reality is what you can get away with.

[andrewducker]

One of the things I've learned from life is to accept my limitations.

This is, of course, the complete opposite of what innumerable pop-psychology books say you should do.

But that's because they're actually saying "Don't accept those things which seem like limitations, because some of them aren't limitations, they just seem that way because you're too scared to try them."

I've learned a lot about myself over the past thirty five years.  I've learned that I can cope with some things for a longer than I'd ever imagined I'd be able to, that I'm quite good at all sorts of things that I didn't imagine were my forte, and that I can turn my hand to most things, if I have to.  I've also discovered that there are some things that my brain just doesn't work well with, some types of work that bore me to the point where I ought to be paid _not_ to do them, and that there are some things I can't cope with at all.

They are my limitations, I am stuck with them, and frankly my life is much happier since I stopped saying "I should be able to do X.  Normal people can do X.  I'm sure that my life would be better if I could do X." and started saying "I cannot do X, I will spend my time on Y instead."

Of course, because I know more about my limitations I know that there are all sorts of things that are well within them, things which might have scared me in the past.  I can focus on my strengths, and get so much more out of them.

I see so many people bashing their heads against brick walls - listening to the popular belief that they _should_ be good at something they're never going to be great at, that they should want things they don't, that they should stretch themselves in ways that do nothing but make them hurt.

So explore your boundaries, learn where you can stretch to, what you can do, where your limitations really are.  But don't feel that you constantly have to be battering against them.

Comments

[johanna-alice.livejournal.com]

I couldn't agree more. Bashing away at my limitations just makes me more ill, whilst the kick from actually achieving something reminds me there are things I'm good at.

However (at least in my case) there are some limitations that you can't give up on. Not quite hopeless case's, but progress seems like biting fingernails and takes forever, but your instinct says you'll get there one day. So perhaps not limitations after all, but personal development targets :)

[ami-bender.livejournal.com]

I would also add that one should always keep ones limitiation under review as they can change. As an example of this my ability to endure tedium has seriously increased over the last 5 or 6 years (funnily enough, thats how long I have worked for the bank....). So things that were not possible then are much more possible now.

[andrewducker]

Oh, you can get better at dealing with things - I certainly have. But if you spend too much of your time 'dealing' then that's not a good situation to be in.

[octopoid-horror.livejournal.com]

For years I tried to be good at doing arty things and/or playing the guitar.

It took a while to realise that I really had no talent in either direction :-(

[anef.livejournal.com]

But did you enjoy it?

[vereybowring.livejournal.com]

Knowing your limits is really essential.
Of course you should continually try new things to find the limits - most people seem to forget that.
I think a great secret is not to be afraid to try, at worst you'll not be very good but at least you then know.
One reason I have such a really odd selection of skills and knowledge is because I generally arse around just doing things to see if I can.

Ayup.

[erindubitably.livejournal.com]

That there's quitter talk.

Re: Ayup.

[andrewducker]

Sure is.

I should note that some of us are rather glad that you quit a certain long term project you had that you was clearly never going to make you happy...

[babydyke-82.livejournal.com]

like rock climbing, you mean, as an example of a limitation successfully pushed? I was v impressed when you did that, tbh.

[andrewducker]

Pretty much - I knew I could do it (I'd rock climed on an Outward Bound course when I was 16), but I was still nervous about it, and I don't like heights, so in some ways it was important for me to prove to myself that I could do it.

An actual limitation would be me realising that I'll never be a good manager - I'm just not that kind of person.

[daisyflip.livejournal.com]

That's why I'm glad I'm brilliant at everything

[andrewducker]

We're all grateful too - it gives us someone to look up to and aspire to being like.

[cdave]

One of the things they said to me on a recent training course, is to not focus all your effort on improving your weaknesses. Be aware of them, and work on them, but you get much higher returns, working on improving your strengths even more.