andrewducker | Proclamation Time

Following my elevation to Minion i/c Being Geeky Enough To Hack Around With Windows, But Not Actually Geeky Enough To Use Linux under the illustrious rule of the uber-benevolent

drplokta (long may his secret police keep the world safe from evil) I have a proclamation or two:

Firstly, if you are not geeky at all, but wish to play games, buy a console. Personally, I recommend the Gamecube, but that kind of thing is outside my remit.

Secondly, if you don't want to play around with your computer and do things that the manufacturer's expected please buy a Macintosh. You will make my honorable co-minion very happy. I've been assured that they're easy to get used to, and although I wasn't too impressed by OSX when I used it, it's probably very easy to switch over to it. Heck, I hear you can even get games for it nowadays.

Thirdly, if you can't be arsed to take care of your computer, keep up to date with patches, protect yourself from viruses, reinstall drivers and generally deal with the horrors that Windows inflicts upon those who use it, go and buy a Macintosh - that way you will not annoy other PC users by asking them questions which you then ignore the answers to, and incessantly asking them how to recover from whatever virus you've allowed to take control of your machine.

Fourthly, if you want to play around with the deep guts of your machine, take total control of every byte, know every detail of how it's put together and generally indulge in a frenzy of computer-love then go and use Linux (or BSD, or ReactOS or any other open source OS you like) - Windows is not for you.

Those of you who are left, I hope you know what you've left yourself in for.

Dictat the first:
Thous shalt use Firefox. At a push thous thalt use Opera, Lynx or some other browser. But thou bloody well shalt not Internet Explorer, even if you _like_ popups, dialer, viruses, ads, spyware and other assorted malware, the rest of us don't like dealing with the consequences. When I get spam from a cracked machine it's all your bloody fault. Stop it at once.