(no subject)

[andrewducker]

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

We all have to make them, small ones on a fairly constant basis, large ones hopefully a little wider apart. They're the junctions of the world, where we choose to make our turnings, and if you joined all your decisions together, you'd see the shape of your life, or at least of those bits of your life you were responsible for.

As I've slowly grown more responsible (or possibly grown more aware of my responsibility), I've become more aware of and focussed on decisions. I found them to be fascinating insights into character - after all, what tells us more about a character than what they choose to do (or not to do). When running and playing games I became interested in the moral choices that people would make, in putting characters into situations where there either was no right answer, or where characters would come up with solutions the others would find abhorrent.

The same was also true of stories in other media - books, comics and films. I lost a lot of interest in stories without a moral dimension - ones where there were no interesting choices to make. I re-read the Narnia series and became disappointed that, as the series progressed, the characters went from making decisions that affected the outcome of events to being pushed from plot point to plot point, being educated at each stage rather than taking any actual part in events.

[Poll #214798]

Comments

[nickys.livejournal.com]

I deliberated quite a bit on that one.
After all I have made decisions about getting married and having children, but in a way those were easy decisions at the time, because they were things I'd always wanted to do.
Similarly, going to university was just something that everyone in our family did. I quite liked the idea, but I never really decided as such.

The thing about the decision to take up Judo when I went to university was that it was very difficult and made me into a very different person that the one I'd been before.
I was very, very scared of men when I first went to university, and with good reason given my previous experiences, so I knew that my options were either to hide in my room for four years or to do something to make myself less scared.
The captain of the Judo club told me later that he couldn't believe I'd even signed up, let alone made it to a training session, because I was such a "nervous little mouse".

What I expected to learn was how to defend myself, but what I actually learned was that men could be just as clumsy and unsure of themselves as I was - in short, I learned that they were mostly not anything like the big hairy, sweaty monsters I'd encountered in the past, but actually fellow human beings.

[heron61.livejournal.com]

One of the interesting things about decisions is how much the way people make decisions and deal with the decisions they have made reveals about someone. I make important decisions quite rapidly, but then frequently angst if I have made the correct decision after it is made, but before the decision becomes irreversible. IME, this makes me a text book example of someone who is Perceptive rather than Judgmental on the Myers-Briggs system.

To me, the most baffling thing about how some people deal with problematic decisions they have made. Many people that I've encountered deeply regret one or more important decisions in their life. I can't think of a single major decision that I regret making. I often regret the external circumstances that forced me to make a particular decision, but in these cases (such as breaking off contact with a friend or lover who has become too difficult to deal with) I may regret the fact that I could no longer deal with the way they were, but I've never regretted the fact that I ceased dealing with them. I minorly regret trivial decisions, like choosing to put on nail polish while I was wearing a good pair of pants and getting the polish on them, but I don't really see how someone could regret making an important decision. It's not like I would make any of mine differently.

[kpollock.livejournal.com]

Sounds very like me.

[kpollock.livejournal.com]

So, what big decision are are you contemplating? Inquring minds wish to know and you can't just keep dropping hints. Or am I off the mark totally?

[stillcarl.livejournal.com]

Oddly, I don't remember giving much thought to the decisions that had a big inpact on my life. They mostly just seemed the right thing to do at the time. This may be because the things I give a lot of thought to I don't actually get around to doing... :)

[yonmei.livejournal.com]

Of course, how do you define "big decision"? I went with "decision that had biggest impact on my life" - the other possible decision would be "deciding to go to London for the lesbian march after my exams in 1985, and staying on an extra day to go to the Horizon B7 meeting on Sunday". But that decision was actually assisted by a decision my grandmother made sometime in the early 1970s, whereas the decision to go to the lesbian meeting was entirely my own and nothing but. You think I'm going to explain this? No. Life is complicated. All decisions impact on each other.

[drainboy.livejournal.com]

Deciding to go back to University for a Masters. It was the first time I'd undertaken education that was just about me wanting to do it. It cost a shit load and there was no real need for it as I'd been gainfully employed for 3 years and was unlikely to have difficulty finding a job. In the end, taking it gave me a big confidence boost and I practically made back the cost of the degree in salary difference over the course of my first year after I graduated. I now have a job that I love as well :)

The decision that had the biggest impact was probably after I did badly in my A-Levels and was, out of the blue and by accident, offered a place in clearing to take a computing degree rather than the psychology degree I wanted. The computing department rang up asking me if I was interested and, when I gave the impression I hadn't asked for them to ring me, the guy almost hung up on the spot. I can't imagine not being a programmer now (and in a good way :))

Mike

[alycekat.livejournal.com]

I had to decide whether to make a police report, in what, for lack of a better term, I'll call an aquaintance rape situation. It happened with someone I had known for 10 years and had thought was a friend, of both mine & my husband.

What made the decision especially difficult was that we have mutual friends, in particular another married couple to whom he is closer than we (my husband & I) are. So, we knew if we did go to the police, that we'd lose the mutual friends, most likely, if they saw it as an attack against him.

On the other hand, I was concerned about someone else being victimized, and I wanted some record of it to be on file, even though I wasnt intending to try & prosecute him.

What disturbed me was that although he admitted to me (in a private conversation) that it would have been "at best!" (his words) a "date rape situation" (my words). Had it happened with a stranger, anyway. Yet, he never saw the need to apologize either to me, or to my husband! He told me, in fact that he was glad it had happened with me, and not with a stranger! Talk about a cruel slap in the face, to be told that. (presumably because he knew I wouldnt prosecute him?)

In the hopes of maintaining our relationship with the married couple (the mutual friends), we tried, for quite awhile, to handle it privately. Finally, though, after he went back on an offer to get counseling around the issue and refused to talk to me/us about it any further (or to ever apologize), we realized that he really just had no intention of setting the record straight, or of making the apology. (which was all we were even asking of him)

He also apparently told other people who knew all 3 of us that it was consensual, even adding on that I'd been coming on to him! So, when that stuff started to get back to us, we realized he had no intention of coming clean about what had really happened.

We got the feeling, in fact, that he'd just been manipulating our trust some more, by even making the offer about therapy. (He bought himself some time, by dangling that offer in front of us, which can matter, in this kind of case, if the victim is actually out to prosecute.)

So, in the end, we did finally make a police report. Then, I had to make the follow up decision about whether to have the police interview him & actually investigate the issue. After a lot more trepidation & careful consideration, I did decide to have them investigate. But it was a very difficult, very painful path to have to decide on.

Bad as that one night was, the aftermath - the lies & slander, the attempts to turn friends against us etc. has been way worse. All because I/we dared to speak out about what happened. (There was never any doubt for my husband, as he saw me immediately afterwards, and saw how upset I was then. Not to mention dealt with the mightmares etc for months, afterwards.)

Later, an ex girlfriend of his (who he has remained on friendly terms with) confided to mutual friends that he was abusive with her for years, prior to their break up.
(I gather she went into it in convincing detail, but I havent heard, nor do I want to hear, the particulars.)

For me, the one potentially good thing about it is thinking that maybe speaking up about what happened to me gave this woman the courage she needed to step forward about what he'd done to her. And in turn, her revelations helped me to understand that I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person. Hopefully, she understands the same thing, that what happened to her was not in some way personal to her, but rather was personal to this guy, who (repeatedly) chooses to treat women badly.

Buy anyway, for your survey, having to decide whether or not to involve the police in a horrible situation with someone you thought was a friend - that was just way painful & traumatic. Something I hope I never have to deal with again!

[andrewducker]

That's a really horrible choice to have to make. Congrats on making the right one. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[alycekat.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the support! I'm gratified to know someone else, who doesnt know either party involved, thinks I did the right thing. I thought so too, of course, but it's nice to get positive feedback out of a difficult situation. ~A

[darkoshi]

i think you did the right thing, too.

[darkoshi]

I remembered some decisions which were more of an ethical nature than the ones I answered on the poll...

- when our cat was sick and diagnosed with diabetes, whether to have him put to sleep, whether to go on daily injections, or to let him die without treatment & artificial means.

- whether to do something, any time i see an animal on the street while i'm driving, especially if it's already injured.

- deciding to become vegetarian, and later, vegan.

- deciding whether certain things were appropriate to spend my scholarship money on or not.