Reflections on my autism diagnosis

[andrewducker]

It's a few months since I got my autism diagnosis, and I've now been asked by a few people if I thought that it was useful.

And in a purely technical sense* the answer is no. It's not made any real difference to my life. I already had a job. The job is already pretty flexible. So there's nothing technical that I need it for.

What I *have* noticed is that I've changed from feeling a defensive "I know what I need to be effective, and I'm willing to fight for it if I need it." whenever I'm doing anything in an unusual way. Instead I feel a "Fuck you, I'm autistic, and this is how I work.", which means I'm carrying around a fair bit less stress**.

Additionally, by me being open about it at work I've had a couple of people open up to me themselves. And I'm getting involved in how we deal with neurodiversity at work. And hoping to make a positive difference to people. And outside of work people have also come to me to talk about issues, and I've (hopefully) been helpful to them.

Plus, of course, I'm no longer carrying around the I'm a bad sparrow voice in the back of my head. Not that I did a lot of that, but it's nice to not have any of it at all. And if I wanted to go to an autism support group or something like that, then I'd be able to do so without feeling as weird about it.

So, although it hasn't made a massive difference to my life, it's definitely made a positive one. And if you were thinking of getting an assessment yourself, then I'd say it was worth kicking off the process, even if the current state of the NHS means it might take a while.


*Which is clearly the best one ;-)
**Although obviously I'd phrase it more politely when dealing with senior management. Probably.

Comments

[channelpenguin]

this is fascinating. I would have assumed that working lifelong in IT, that there would be no practical differences (it is kind of a given that most of us are more or less "odd"), but the emotional dimension is interesting.

I have personally felt pretty much zero need to explain myself in 30+ work years, but maybe I am a) not actually in any way autistic (lol, but it is possible) b) really really thick-skinned / unobservant (hmm yes, probably).

I have always assumed my colleagues all have their "little ways" and pretty much tried to cater for them (where it doesn't get in the way of everything for everyone for too long).

But I grew up with a family of engineers / highly numeric/ musical / odd folks with dubious social skills, and all my partners have been similar, so I guess maybe I was used to such!

[andrewducker]

Most other developers will have their little ways, yes. In my experience it's managers who don't seem to understand at all.

(Not my current ones - current employer is great.)

[channelpenguin]

Ah, ok. Pure managers have never been my direct report, I don't think.