Long-term view

[andrewducker]

The answer, of course, is (and if you're reading down the page in reverse order I recommend skipping down one entry) that finding a happy medium is a bitch.

The simple solution is to take a long-term utilitarian view. Don't be reliable because you want to be nice, but because you want to be viewed as reliable. Keeping your word is a good thing because it means that you're trusted. If you want people to compromise with you, then you have to learn how to compromise.

Learning not to do the thing you want to do right now so that you can do the thing you want to do in the future is a vital part of growing up. Most people are terrible at it. I'm not great at it (I usualyl know what the right thing is, but think I can compromise myself more than I actually can).

And there are always situations where you cannot win - places where you can't do what you want to do and have people like you for it. In which case you have to make up your own mind, take responsibility and live with the shit that it stirs up. You have to decide whether the friends you lose are really the people you want around you, and whether the thing you want is really worth all the fuss.

It's bloody hard being an adult, making your own decisions, living with the results and not blaming other people for how your choices turn out.

I think it's worth it.

Comments

[heron61.livejournal.com]

Learning not to do the thing you want to do right now so that you can do the thing you want to do in the future is a vital part of growing up. Most people are terrible at it. I'm not great at it (I usualyl know what the right thing is, but think I can compromise myself more than I actually can).

Within limits this sort of behavior is essential. However, I see it regularly taken to damaging extremes in Western capitalist culture. People are praised for deferring gratification. As a result, many work extra hours at jobs they dislike to save money for some desired good they can't have for months or years.

I once had a friend who saved for 5 years, spending little money on anything other than absolute necessities to go on a 5 month hiking vacation in Britain. I was baffled and not a little horrified at her behavior. I can't even remotely imagine any vacation being worth that much. I'd far rather have the nice meals, books, and trips to the movies that all that money could have bought.

Many more people put up with jobs or schooling they hate in return for a better job or a promotion to something they believe that will actually enjoy doing. I consider all of this sort of long-term deferred gratification to be an excellent way to lead a wretched and miserable life and make certain to avoid it.

For far too many people being adult is equated with being miserable. I reject this entire equation and refuse to defer gratification for more than a few weeks (at most). If something takes longer than that to acquire, I simply don't need it that badly and if I do not enjoy what I'm doing for that long, I find something else to be doing. One result of my attitude is that I will never be wealthy (or even a member of the middle class) until my parents die, but I'm also extremely happy with the practical aspects of my life.