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no subject
Date: 2010-07-22 11:23 am (UTC)Seriously, ladies, this doesn't 'disrespect' other people's experiences of rape, because that is their experience.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 08:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 08:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 09:07 am (UTC)Some chavvy kids broke into the communal stairwell of a flat I lvied in. As I 'escorted' them out, one of them spat at me (and missed).
A friend was beaten up and his wallet taken.
Both are assault. But they're very different kinds of assault. At no point did I think I was going to die, there were no injuries, and all I had to show for it was a bit of adrenaline. At the end of the year, when the police tot up their assault statistics, they're grouping my piddling confrontation in with a mugging.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 09:17 am (UTC)And what you went through was assault.
And your friend isn't granted some special right to tell you that you weren't 'really' assaulted, or to claim you're insulting or demeaning him by reporting your assault to the police.
Because your experience and your friend's experience are two different experiences.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 09:26 am (UTC)I know the words are stretchy, but if I described 'that time someone touched my behind in a club' as rape...? Or being shouted as as assault? Where's the border?
no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 09:34 am (UTC)It still has no effect on the experiences of people who have been raped or assaulted.
But we're indulging in Slippery Slope arguments here. Even if I conceded that 'touched my arse = rape' insulted me, would I then have to concede that claiming anything other than a direct mirror of my experiences was also insulting? Because I get rather sick of the "what she experienced wasn't real rape" arguments, being applied to anything from sex-with-coercion to marital rape.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 09:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 09:46 am (UTC)I have a strong disconnect between the two, and I sometimes run into difficulty when I forget that some people think I consider them the same.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 09:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 10:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 10:41 am (UTC)I appreciate you're male, and I assume Joe is from the spelling of hir name, but I'm not particularly interested in a conversation about rape from the point of view of people who might be accused of it. My original comment was about victims' experiences.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 10:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 12:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 09:51 am (UTC)Would it be fair to say I'm talking about rape as it's represented publically, and you're talking more about internal experiences? I absolutely have no problem with different people reacting to an event in different ways - we all have different reactions to violence, grief, loss, etc. My reaction to the spitting was trivial, but another person might have been deeply psychologically affected.
But, while this is just a one-off story, if every man and woman who lied to their partner was now defined as a rapist, I'd have a hard time taking stories of rape seriously. That is, I'd have a hard time knowing that, say, increasing sexual assault statistics included a woman saying 'I'll still love you in the morning' or a man saying 'I'm 28' when he's 30. And while I might have every sympathy for an individual and their personal experience however they define it, I'd become somewhat more cynical or distrustful overall. If the boundaries of 'assault' include harsh language or when 'racial hatred' includes Andy telling me a joke about the Irish, I get pretty cynical.
I know what you mean about slippery slope arguments, but for me some terms are only so elastic, and then snap.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 10:09 am (UTC)Don't forget, we're also talking about a situation that's not in our country, and while I'm in no way supporting or ignoring the very strong racila element in this one story, if there is precedent that lying=rape, then there's precedent.
If it helps to clarify my opinion on this one case:
- Because laws are country-specific, the legality of any one action depends on where it takes place.
- Lying to get sex is immoral.
- Rape is sex without the consent of any or all of the parties involved. If that consent is conditional on a lie, than the definition gets blurry. Personally, I think it depends on the lie.
- "He told me he was Jewish!" is a racist argument and one that I find abhorent. I am not, however, a citzen of Israel.
- regardless of your personal opinion of whether act 'X' is rape or not, the attitude "calling it rape is offensive to real victims of rape!" will make me headdesk.
Um, does that help?
no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 10:13 am (UTC)I'd not really thought about how consent (part of the definition of rape) isn't a simple binary, and should actually be _informed consent_.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-23 10:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-22 12:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-22 12:32 pm (UTC)Frankly I think the UK view is far wiser.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-22 06:29 pm (UTC)I think the real difference is that because they wouldn't pass big budget blockbusters except as 18s for violence reasons, studios and cinemas still wanted to show them, so an 18 doesn't kill a movie, to an extent it can help--it shows it's for adults, bit like having an R rating is needed for some films in the US.
But because mainstream big budget films are 18s, there's no stigma, so we can get what we want with just an 18 slapped on it.