I may have changed my mind about New Years resolutions

(I wish that Google Image search had a "Find the copy with the earliest timestamp" option. I originally bumped into this via a share on FB, and used their image lookup search to try and find the original, and it was absolutely no use. I am clearly very tired, because the source is right there, in the bottom-right corner of the image - and now the image link will take you there. But still, how hard would it be for Google to have worked that out for me...)

Hexaflexagons are awesome!

"Hexaflexagons" (Watch on YouTube)

and

"Hexaflexagons 2" (Watch on YouTube)

Interesting Links for 02-01-2016

• George Lucas blasts new Star Wars film for being ‘enjoyable’ and ‘popular’
  • starwars funny satire JJAbrams georgelucas
• Reusable, sugar-based polymer purifies water fast
  • water technology clean
• Why Facebook Won, and Other Hard Truths
  • web Facebook rss design
• Economic growth more likely when wealth distributed to poor instead of rich
  • inequality growth economics
• Who Owns Antarctica?
  • video Antarctic borders
• Testosterone changes brain structures in female-to-male transsexuals (in 4 weeks!)
  • testosterone language
• It's gratifying to know that even when we get things wrong, others can learn from our mistakes
  • advice failure
• A New Years Resolution for the Left: Stop retweeting bullshit.
  • politics Twitter effectiveness
• Tolkien, The Force Awakens, and the Sadness of Expanded Universes
  • history fiction happiness Tolkien writing starwars
• 2015: The Year Mental Illness Finally Got Some Respect on TV
  • mentalhealth tv viaSwampers
• The Nutshell Studies - how one woman became the godmother of Crime Scene Investigation
  • investigation crime history viaSwampers
• What the entire universe looks like
  • universe visualisation
• Barbie ad shows boy playing with dolls for first time
  • masculinity barbie advertising
• Oberlin College Students Claim Campus Food is Culturally Insensitive
  • food culture
• Did you know expats will be able to vote in the EU referendum?
  • Europe referendum voting
• Feminism Mary Sue George Lucas Beauty Standards Racism: And Also Here’s Some Ads
  • viaSkreidle web marketing
• GRRM gives an update on The Winds Of Winter
  • gameofthrones GeorgeRRMartin writing

I am not a naturally good person

Note: I'm making an effort to write more personal stuff on my journal. Sorry if you're just here for the links.

Other Note: This is public. If there's something you want to say to me that's specific to recent events then scroll back to something on a filter and post it there. Or email me.

I've had a few people say lovely things about me recently, and I realised that some people are thinking of me as a naturally nice guy who just naturally does The Right Thing.

Ahahahahahaha.

No.

In my time, I have failed to end relationships for months afteer I should have ended them, because I couldn't bear to face a hard conversation.

I have completely fucked up the ends of relationships by cheating on person A with person B. And then been so messed up by the resulting situation that I ended up cheating on person B with person A.

I have lied. I have pushed people into making the decisions that I wanted them to make using a variety of tactics.

And I have been immature, irrational, and very frustrating to be around in for many people. I have rationalised selfishnesss repeatedly.

I have done these things out of fear. And out of anger. And from having the self-control of a rat on crack.

My niceness is something I have worked on. A _lot_. It's something where I've put in place rules to make sure I do the right thing, and that I take what self-control I do have any make the most use possible out of it.

Rules like "If I'm asking myself if I should tell my partner something or not, then I have to tell them." Principles like "Secrets are impossible. Do not take any action thinking that the person it will hurt most will never find out about it."

And I have done so because, bit by bit, empathy has been beaten into me. Because I have been hurt, and I have not liked it, and I do not want to be the person who hurts others. (Or, possibly, I want to live in a world where people don't hurt each other. And that means doing my bit to make that universal.)

And whenever something happens that hurts me, I think "Did I ever do this to someone else?" And then I think "Shit. I need a new rule/principle."

This happens less and less as I go along. I do seem to be now getting to the point where I'm very rarely hurting other people, and when I do it's because of a disagreement over the best course of action, rather than because I've done something that I thought was the right thing to do..*

This isn't easy. It's work. It means putting a lot of effort in, and thinking about my actions a lot. It doesn't come naturally.

And that's why, when people tell me I'm being a good person I take it as a real compliment. Because it means the hard work is paying off.


*I still do really stupid things. I didn't think before making a post two weeks ago and really hurt someone that I care about a lot. But it wasn't something where I did something thinking it was the Right Thing To Do and then backtracked, I just wasn't awake when I did it, and did a massive "Oh Shit!" when it was pointed out to me how stupid I'd been. And then apologised repeatedly for days.