Morals (Neeeeed Mooooore Sleeeeeeeep)

Was up until about 2am last night chatting to Erin. She was finishing off the first Invisibles collection, covering Transvestite Aztech Shamans, Living Cities, Dead Beatles and the Marquis de Sade as the architect of a Future Utopia. She was a tad confused, not just by the comic (which is confusing, but in a truly fantastic way), but by the way it made her feel.

I remember going through similar things a few years back (note - write something on feeling old, going through phases, and suchlike. Try not to sound too patronising), and how long it took me to reach an internal resolution.
The main problem is with feeling things that you intrinsically feel that you shouldn't feel. In this case, the feelings are to do with the delightful Marquis (and if you havent' seen Quills, go see it now).

I can certainly see where the problem arises - if you find yourself enjoying things that you know are morally reprehensible, then doesn't that make you a bad person?

The answer, to me, is no. You're a bad person if you do things which you know to be bad. To enjoy reading about them, watching them on tv or pretending to do them is perfectly reasonable. Part of this is down to my general belief that people aren't a reflection of some platonic ideal man, but are far more fuzzy than that, being the end result of endless change, process and intermixing. There's no way that people 'should be' or things that people 'should do', there's just the way that people are. Therefore, to feel a particular way cannot be good or bad, it's just there.

I also don't believe in a cohesive personality. I tend to view people (yes, including myself) as shifting groups of feelings, thoughts and reactions, flowing around each other. These feelings and thoughts have their origins in numerous places (nurture _and_ nature, for a start, and nobody has just one source of either), so of course they're not all going to line up in one direction, pointing to "What I really deep down want". For instance, the thought of people running riot with pointy objects, causing massive damage and death horrifies me. I'm really looking forward to Episode 2 because it's going to be full of death and destruction. Want me to reconcile these two views? Not gonna happen. There's a part of me that's horrified by death and destruction and a part of me that thinks that it's rilly kewl.

So, to sum up:
1) People have conflicting feelings about various subjects, which means they may feel good about something they also feel revolted by.
2) To have 'bad' feelings is not to be a bad person, to perform bad acts is what makes you a bad person.
3) I feel stupid using the word 'bad' nowadays, not believing in that kind of thing any more, and I probably ought to write something about that.
4) It's impossible for me to write something serious down without realising that it's going to involve writing two more serious things down.

Of course, by the time we finished talking about it, it was 2am and we were up at 8:30m this morning. And that's why I'm damn tired.

ADSL options

We're currently connected to the internet via NAT, making it impossible to, for instance, run our own webserver (which would be cool).

However, I just discovered that our provider is going to start selling individual IP accounts, which is remarkably tempting. The only thing I have to do now is buy a small box to use as a server (I cant' use any of the existing boxes, as they get used all the time for actual stuff, and therefore get restarted/run intensive tasks, etc.)

Mostly to Annoy Joe

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And if the image should vanish at some point:

5	21	Fives are basically at some level estranged from the rest of the world which forces them to build there own unique world perspective. They like to analyze things and make sense of them (that is their anchor), this makes them great inventors and philosphoers. The immense inner world of fives can cause them to lose touch or interest in reality.
7	18	Sevens are optimistic thrill seekers that see life as an adventure. They are always thinking of new possibilies and adventures. This constant zest for life is often just escapism. Once things lose there fun they are no longer interested, so many projects go unfinished. Essentially, they avoid the difficulties of life because they fear being overwhelmed by them.
9	18	Nines are open minded optimists. They are able to see everyones point of view, and have a natural desire for making peace. Consequently, they are skilled mediators. They often live by the 'go along to get along' creed. However their openess to other people can cause them to lose site of themselves and their own happiness.
4	17	Fours are all about being unique and creating their own distinct culture. They experience the highs and lows of life more intensely than other types. This makes them great creative forces (artists, writers, filmmakers). Fours often feel like misplaced children, and they long for a sense of real family.
3	15	Threes derive self worth from success in the external world. They are highly skilled at adapting themselves in whatever way necessary to achieve success. This external success driven image often comes at a price of having a personal identity and they may lose site of who they really are.
2	14	Twos are defined by their empathy of other people. They are uniquely gifted at tuning in on the feelings of others. This makes them great networkers. They feed on their connection to others, love of friends and family. However being too caught up with other people can drain them, and cause them to lose track of their own personal well being.
8	12	Eights are natural leaders. They are straight forward, direct, large personalities, that are unlikely to back down to adversity. They have a talent for motivating others. They have a strong sense of justice and are often protectors of the weak. However, they also have short fuses and can become domineering tyrants.
1	7	Ones live with an overbearing internal critic that never rests. They want things to be perfect based on what they think perfect is (which can be good or bad). They see other people as slackers, and other people see them as goodie goodies, zealots, or uptight.
6	7	Sixes are defined by anxiety. They are gifted in their ability to see the dark and light sides of the world (and of people and situations around them). This insight into possible outcomes makes them masterful planners. However since they are never sure what will prevail they are always on edge and cling to predictable structures/systems for peace of mind.

Lacking Erin

Erin's off for a film shoot for a few days. I'll see her intermittently, when she gets time to pop back, and it's in Glasgow, where I work, so I'll undoubtably get some evening time with her. But my time for the next two weeks will be largely Erin free.

So, you lucky ladies, feel free to pop round. Ladies? Ladies?

Oh well, I'm still feeling too ill anyway.

The problem with relationships

The problem with being in a relationship (especially after spending 3 years out of one), is that when you are suddenly forced to spend time apart you find yourself missing someone.

Dammit, I spent most of three years sleeping by myself perfectly well, and a good 6 months perfectly happy with my single status. Why am I suddenly not looking forward to going to bed by myself.

Official Pronouncement of the Day: This Officially Sucks