The Rules

[andrewducker]

I don't agree with all of these. But I'd say I've encountered at least 90% in person, and at least 5% more have been reported to me.

You can replace "cars" and "sports" with "computers" and "roleplaying" if you wish.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules. Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that;

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down;

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be;

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way;

1. Crying is blackmail;

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
* Subtle hints do not work!
* Strong hints do not work!
* Obvious hints do not work!
* JUST SAY IT!;

1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question;

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for;

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor;

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days;

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us;

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one;

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
* Not both
* If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself;

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials;

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we;

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
* Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
* Pumpkin is also a fruit.
* We have no idea what mauve is

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.;

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle;

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear;

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really;

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
* Sex,
* Sport, or
* Cars;

1. You have enough clothes;

1. You have too many shoes;

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

And yes. I know that this won't apply to at least some of you. And not all of it applies to me. That's because everyone is a shiny unique snowflake, and any generalisation will fail to apply to some people. If you weren't different to the norm you probably wouldn't be on LJ in the first place...
(stolen from drjon)

Comments

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[cx650.livejournal.com]

If you don't want them looked at, don't display them. It's that simple.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[andrewducker]

Except that women don't actually have a choice about having breasts. Unless they deliberately bind them up before going out in public - which they really shouldn't have to do.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[cx650.livejournal.com]

I can't help having a willy. I just keep it covered.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

And when was the last time you saw a woman walking around topless in public? Now tell me about the last time you saw a pair of pants or shorts being sold in a mainstram store that would have shown any part of your penis, and now tell me what percentage of shirts you see sold for women that don't show any cleavage whatsoever. Seriously.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[cx650.livejournal.com]

You would be surprised by the number of boobies I have seen displayed publicly. The difference is, I choose to wear trousers instead of shorts, in the same way that you can choose between a t-shirt or a halter neck.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

Shorts don't show your penis. That is such a bad parallel that it... well, it isn't even a parallel. In our society kneecaps are not regarded as a sensual body part.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[cx650.livejournal.com]

If you choose to take a 'point of discussion' so literally, I have nothing more to say.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

Are you being a troll?

Because if you're not I'm kind of amazed. When one is presented with a "point of discussion", one is certainly entitled to discuss the issue of whether it presents a fallacious parallel. As yours did. I... oh well. This conversation is obviously going nowhere. Ta.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[andrewducker]

How covered?

Women get things shouted at them in the street and groped while wearing perfectly respectable t-shirts.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[cx650.livejournal.com]

For the record.

I hope that I am an intelligent and reasonable and trustworthy man as you may want to meet. All I'm saying is, it is instinctive for men to look. Just remember that when deciding what to wear and don't complain if they do in fact look.

That is common sense and that is all.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[andrewducker]

Sorry, yes - looking is fine. No problems there at all.

Staring can be considered rude, of course.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[cx650.livejournal.com]

Ah, but looking discreetly is 'furtive' and 'creepy', we can't do it right whatever we do.

If we look, we are blatantly sexist and regarding women as sex objects. If we don't we are ignoring them.

WTF?

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[andrewducker]

If you stared at _me_ I'd find it creepy.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

So I'm supposed to wear turtlenecks in mid-summer because you guys are so uncontrollably horny that you are physically incapable of keeping your eyes off a hint of cleavage? Or are we beyond cleavage now? Should I be wearing a potato sack or, better yet, a burqa lest the outline of my breasts show? Maybe I should just get a mastectomy, huh? Bullshit. Obviously there's a line - see my conversation with andrewducker on that - and it's pretty apparent when a girl is dressing to make you look and when she's not. If she's dressing to make you look, look. If she isn't - if it's a tank top on a hot day or whatever - you've no excuse for leering. You're presumably not stupid. It's not that hard.

Re: I have no idea why I'm in the mood to be more vociferous about my feminism today than usual but

[cx650.livejournal.com]

Don't be so bloody ridiculous! Just wear reasonably covering clothing and don't expose flesh you would regard as private.