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andrewduckerAs I can't edit the previous post from here, I'll add this in here. If you're reading this in reverse order you may want to skip down an entry or two to see the first part...
One of the reasons I messed up a relationship or two is directly related to the stress I feel when something is "wrong"or "broken". When someone comes to me and says "X is really stressing me out"it taps directly into that part of me I've honed into a problem-solving machine.
And then when I can't solve it (and let's face it, most people problems can't be fixed quickly, and almost certainly can't be fixed by anyone other than the person actually having the problem) my stress levels rise. Which is fine in the short run, as I can wave it away or just live with it, but in the long run it tends to cause my underlying stress levels to get higher and higher.
The obvious response to which is that I'm just not someone who deals well with being friends with people who are stressed all the time, and certainly not with relationships with them. Relationships, of course, are even worse because I then feel a sense of responsibility/duty of care, which magnifies the feelings of powerlessness and makes me feel worse. Which then causes me to back way off as a coping mechanism.
I'm much better at this kind of thing than I used to be - which is probably one of the reasons I'm happy to talk about it, or am even reasonably aware that I do it. But I'm not sure it's something I'll ever be entirely over.
One of the reasons I messed up a relationship or two is directly related to the stress I feel when something is "wrong"or "broken". When someone comes to me and says "X is really stressing me out"it taps directly into that part of me I've honed into a problem-solving machine.
And then when I can't solve it (and let's face it, most people problems can't be fixed quickly, and almost certainly can't be fixed by anyone other than the person actually having the problem) my stress levels rise. Which is fine in the short run, as I can wave it away or just live with it, but in the long run it tends to cause my underlying stress levels to get higher and higher.
The obvious response to which is that I'm just not someone who deals well with being friends with people who are stressed all the time, and certainly not with relationships with them. Relationships, of course, are even worse because I then feel a sense of responsibility/duty of care, which magnifies the feelings of powerlessness and makes me feel worse. Which then causes me to back way off as a coping mechanism.
I'm much better at this kind of thing than I used to be - which is probably one of the reasons I'm happy to talk about it, or am even reasonably aware that I do it. But I'm not sure it's something I'll ever be entirely over.
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You missing responses?
Date: 2007-07-23 02:39 pm (UTC)I miss your interjections.
Re: You missing responses?
Date: 2007-07-27 12:19 pm (UTC)Back now, and have lots to do, but will get there over the weekend...