Open letter from a train
Jul. 13th, 2007 02:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
andrewduckerMoving steadily southwards on my way to London. Meeting Lilian, Geneva and Zara for an evening showing of Harry Potter before heading onwards for Southampton.
I've been very aware recently that I don't write in my journal in the same way I used to - that at some point I burned myself out on explanations. I found a lot of the answers I was looking for, and lost interest in the process of thinking-out-loud that my journal had been. Which would explain the gradual devolution of my journal into links and polls, provoking, passing on, but rarely getting anything quintessentially _me_ onto the page.
Occasionally I feel the urge to get the last few bits down - lay out my conclusions, complete the patterns, feel like I'd produced something. But there are so many other things to do that I never seem to have the time.
I was always this way with fiction. I'd produce the first half of a short story out of nowhere and then once the ending had been worked out in my head actually writing it down seemed entirely superfluous. _I_ knew how it ended, what else mattered? The only pieces I ever really finished were for other people, where there really wasn't any choice but to make the potentiallity explicit.
The only other times I'd see a story through to conclusion was in gaming - when other people would have as much influence over the game as I did. And that came to a fiery, crashing halt about 5 years ago, when the gaming group self-destructed and I felt thoroughly burned out by attempts to foist games I wanted to play on players who wanted something quite different.
I tentatively offered to run a game for Morag's lot a few months back, and was delighted to have it go very well. I could see problems in how it worked, but the players liked it and I managed to fit in a few neat scenes with emotional effect, which was enough to keep me happy.
Morag's game, in fact, continues to be good. She's come along in leaps and bounds, and while I could pick holes here and there if I wanted, it's about as good as any long-term game I've played (that is, when it's good it's great, and when it doesn't work it's largely due to glitches or misunderstandings rather than any major flaw). If we could just manage to have all the players be awake on Sundays rather than recovering from hangovers and sleep deprivation we'd be set!
Hugh's game is working somewhat less well. What with the combination of tired players, overstretched GM and a one-year-old on the table we're lucky to get more than two hours of gaming into any one session. I'm also aware that while I like the other players as people they aren't the ideal group I'd have for playing purposes, and the different moods can fail to gel. But it's still fun, and I'm largely thinking of it as a chance to see people I like and play with Noah once a week.
Work's going well as well - I'm off quite a bit this month, what with half days to move flat, a long weekend here, and a week in the Lake District with the family - and that's actually been rather distracting. There's lots of things I want to get done and I'm having problems getting the sustained time in to get them done. But I'm hopeful that once I hit August I'll be able to get into it properly, and hopefully rectify a few bits of design I'm not happy with. It's great working with a bunch of people who care about the work we're doing, are smart enough to work out what the right things to do are, and are fun to work with too.
Meantime, as I said, I'm on a train down to London, and hopefully to a nice relaxing weekend. I don't have email on my phone (as I found it too distracting and stressful to have it available all he time) and I'm looking forward to a few days out of contact.
I hope the rest of you are looking forward to a nice weekend. And the best of luck to you with whatever it is you're up to.
I've been very aware recently that I don't write in my journal in the same way I used to - that at some point I burned myself out on explanations. I found a lot of the answers I was looking for, and lost interest in the process of thinking-out-loud that my journal had been. Which would explain the gradual devolution of my journal into links and polls, provoking, passing on, but rarely getting anything quintessentially _me_ onto the page.
Occasionally I feel the urge to get the last few bits down - lay out my conclusions, complete the patterns, feel like I'd produced something. But there are so many other things to do that I never seem to have the time.
I was always this way with fiction. I'd produce the first half of a short story out of nowhere and then once the ending had been worked out in my head actually writing it down seemed entirely superfluous. _I_ knew how it ended, what else mattered? The only pieces I ever really finished were for other people, where there really wasn't any choice but to make the potentiallity explicit.
The only other times I'd see a story through to conclusion was in gaming - when other people would have as much influence over the game as I did. And that came to a fiery, crashing halt about 5 years ago, when the gaming group self-destructed and I felt thoroughly burned out by attempts to foist games I wanted to play on players who wanted something quite different.
I tentatively offered to run a game for Morag's lot a few months back, and was delighted to have it go very well. I could see problems in how it worked, but the players liked it and I managed to fit in a few neat scenes with emotional effect, which was enough to keep me happy.
Morag's game, in fact, continues to be good. She's come along in leaps and bounds, and while I could pick holes here and there if I wanted, it's about as good as any long-term game I've played (that is, when it's good it's great, and when it doesn't work it's largely due to glitches or misunderstandings rather than any major flaw). If we could just manage to have all the players be awake on Sundays rather than recovering from hangovers and sleep deprivation we'd be set!
Hugh's game is working somewhat less well. What with the combination of tired players, overstretched GM and a one-year-old on the table we're lucky to get more than two hours of gaming into any one session. I'm also aware that while I like the other players as people they aren't the ideal group I'd have for playing purposes, and the different moods can fail to gel. But it's still fun, and I'm largely thinking of it as a chance to see people I like and play with Noah once a week.
Work's going well as well - I'm off quite a bit this month, what with half days to move flat, a long weekend here, and a week in the Lake District with the family - and that's actually been rather distracting. There's lots of things I want to get done and I'm having problems getting the sustained time in to get them done. But I'm hopeful that once I hit August I'll be able to get into it properly, and hopefully rectify a few bits of design I'm not happy with. It's great working with a bunch of people who care about the work we're doing, are smart enough to work out what the right things to do are, and are fun to work with too.
Meantime, as I said, I'm on a train down to London, and hopefully to a nice relaxing weekend. I don't have email on my phone (as I found it too distracting and stressful to have it available all he time) and I'm looking forward to a few days out of contact.
I hope the rest of you are looking forward to a nice weekend. And the best of luck to you with whatever it is you're up to.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-07-13 04:45 pm (UTC)Hope you have a nice time down south.
Still jealous - deepest darkest Cheshire doesn't seem to have many roleplayers. Saying that I appear to have a large red lounge contingent descending this weekend, so you never know.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-13 05:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-13 06:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-13 06:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-13 08:30 pm (UTC)I have not much to say re that post but I read it and found it interesting. There is far too much 'lurk reading' goes on on LJ. Hence, comment.
As you were.
Lizzie x
no subject
Date: 2007-07-13 09:16 pm (UTC)I don't think I'd be able to handle the situation you describe in the current group. When it was clear that R's Star Wars game wasn't working due to player commitments and clashes, I was out of there.