Thanks to Yonmei for finding this...
Dec. 7th, 2003 11:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
andrewduckerLOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER
a romantic comedy screenplay by
www.astonishingtales.com
and
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
FADE IN.
INT. FLOWER SHOP
KATE WINSLET and ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM are selling flowers.
KATE WINSLET
You know, ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM, sometimes I think I should give up my independent florist ways and settle down with a decent man who will take care of me.
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconveniences that may result.
KATE WINSLET nods in thought.
KATE WINSLET
Hmmmm.... I'd never thought of it like that before. Maybe I will keep this flower shop and not fall in love.
Suddenly, GEORGE CLOONEY comes into the shop. He is not impressed with the flowers on offer.
GEORGE CLOONEY
Look here, KATE WINSLET. I am not impressed with the flowers on offer here. Your flower shop is stupid.
He leaves.
KATE WINSLET
How incredibly arrogant that GEORGE CLOONEY is! I don't like him one bit.
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.
KATE WINSLET
That's exactly what I was thinking ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM. Come on, let's continue our work as florists.
CUT TO.
INT. CONFERENCE HALL
THE NEXT DAY
KATE WINSLET and ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM are both at a conference.
KATE WINSLET
I don't believe it, ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM! It's that horrible man I instantly disliked. (Gasps) Oh no, he's coming this way. What should I say to him?
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
No," replies Heisenberg, "but I know exactly where I am"!
KATE WINSLET
I'm not sure that's quite appropriate.
GEORGE CLOONEY wanders up sheepishly.
GEORGE CLOONEY
Hello, KATE WINSLET. We meet again.
KATE WINSLET
Go away, GEORGE CLOONEY. Don't you know that I took an instant dislike to you?
GEORGE CLOONEY
(whispering to ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM)
What can I say to make her love me?
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
(whispering back)
The brightly colored areas in these images mark the nucleus accumbens, the brain's reward center.
GEORGE CLOONEY shrugs and dutifully whispers this in KATE WINSLET's ear
KATE WINSLET
(swooning)
I love you, GEORGE CLOONEY
FADE TO.
INT. KATE WINSLET's BEDROOM.
KATE WINSLET is on the phone to ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM.
KATE WINSLET
Oh... ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM, can it really be only a week since I met GEORGE CLOONEY? I am so very deeply in love with him. Do you know what he said to me last night?
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Dopamine sensitivity is almost certainly going to be determined genetically, alcoholism almost certainly isn't.
KATE WINSLET
(nodding)
Exactly. (sighs) He's such a romantic.
Her phone beeps.
KATE WINSLET
(continued)
That's him on Call Waiting! Gotta go. Thanks for listening ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM. Wish me luck.
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Eventually we are left with a single statement to encapsulate the most complex of events.
KATE WINSLET
Well, I'm not sure that's particularly lucky...
FADE TO.
EXT. A PARK BENCH
KATE WINSLET is crying. ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM is consoling her.
KATE WINSLET
I can't believe we accidentally saw GEORGE CLOONEY out with another woman! I thought he loved me. You were closest to the two of them, what was he saying to her?
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Well, everyone, I am perfectly well aware that Alyson Hannigan has married someone or other.
KATE WINSLET bursts into renewed tears. GEORGE CLOONEY comes running up to them.
KATE WINSLET
I don't want to talk to you, GEORGE CLOONEY. I heard what you were saying to that horrible other woman.
GEORGE CLOONEY
But KATE WINSLET, this is all a ghastly misunderstanding of some kind.
KATE WINSLET
Leave me alone. I have a broken heart.
GEORGE CLOONEY
I guess I will take that job in that other country then.
GEORGE CLOONEY leaves
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Blond, admittedly, but very attractive despite that.
KATE WINSLET
Thank you, ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM. That's just what I needed to hear now that I have a broken heart. No wonder you are my best friend.
CUT TO.
INT. A BUSY AIRPORT
THE NEXT DAY
GEORGE CLOONEY is preparing to leave forever.
CUT TO.
INT. A TAXI
KATE WINSLET
Hurry, TAXI DRIVER. GEORGE CLOONEY is about to get on a plane and leave forever and I've just realised that it is because of a ghastly misunderstanding.
TAXI DRIVER
Sorry, KATE WINSLET, but we are in a traffic jam that has dramatically sprung up in order to create dramatic tension.
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM suddenly climbs on top of the roof of the taxi.
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
(yelling)
' Instead, I merely replied, gently, but firmly, 'Don't touch the glass - you'll leave smudges.
The other cars, hearing what ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM has to say, suddenly all pull over and let the taxi through. It races to the airport just in time.
KATE WINSLET
(yelling)
GEORGE CLOONEY! GEORGE CLOONEY!! Don't go! I understand now that it was all a ghastly misunderstanding.
GEORGE CLOONEY
Okay. I won't go.
He doesn't go.
KATE WINSLET
I love you, GEORGE CLOONEY.
GEORGE CLOONEY
I love you, KATE WINSLET.
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Yes, I probably will write about the whole situation at some point.
GEORGE CLOONEY and KATE WINSLET
Hahahahahaha!!!!
THE END
-- Make another movie
a romantic comedy screenplay by
www.astonishingtales.com
and
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
FADE IN.
INT. FLOWER SHOP
KATE WINSLET and ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM are selling flowers.
KATE WINSLET
You know, ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM, sometimes I think I should give up my independent florist ways and settle down with a decent man who will take care of me.
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconveniences that may result.
KATE WINSLET nods in thought.
KATE WINSLET
Hmmmm.... I'd never thought of it like that before. Maybe I will keep this flower shop and not fall in love.
Suddenly, GEORGE CLOONEY comes into the shop. He is not impressed with the flowers on offer.
GEORGE CLOONEY
Look here, KATE WINSLET. I am not impressed with the flowers on offer here. Your flower shop is stupid.
He leaves.
KATE WINSLET
How incredibly arrogant that GEORGE CLOONEY is! I don't like him one bit.
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.
KATE WINSLET
That's exactly what I was thinking ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM. Come on, let's continue our work as florists.
CUT TO.
INT. CONFERENCE HALL
THE NEXT DAY
KATE WINSLET and ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM are both at a conference.
KATE WINSLET
I don't believe it, ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM! It's that horrible man I instantly disliked. (Gasps) Oh no, he's coming this way. What should I say to him?
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
No," replies Heisenberg, "but I know exactly where I am"!
KATE WINSLET
I'm not sure that's quite appropriate.
GEORGE CLOONEY wanders up sheepishly.
GEORGE CLOONEY
Hello, KATE WINSLET. We meet again.
KATE WINSLET
Go away, GEORGE CLOONEY. Don't you know that I took an instant dislike to you?
GEORGE CLOONEY
(whispering to ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM)
What can I say to make her love me?
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
(whispering back)
The brightly colored areas in these images mark the nucleus accumbens, the brain's reward center.
GEORGE CLOONEY shrugs and dutifully whispers this in KATE WINSLET's ear
KATE WINSLET
(swooning)
I love you, GEORGE CLOONEY
FADE TO.
INT. KATE WINSLET's BEDROOM.
KATE WINSLET is on the phone to ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM.
KATE WINSLET
Oh... ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM, can it really be only a week since I met GEORGE CLOONEY? I am so very deeply in love with him. Do you know what he said to me last night?
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Dopamine sensitivity is almost certainly going to be determined genetically, alcoholism almost certainly isn't.
KATE WINSLET
(nodding)
Exactly. (sighs) He's such a romantic.
Her phone beeps.
KATE WINSLET
(continued)
That's him on Call Waiting! Gotta go. Thanks for listening ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM. Wish me luck.
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Eventually we are left with a single statement to encapsulate the most complex of events.
KATE WINSLET
Well, I'm not sure that's particularly lucky...
FADE TO.
EXT. A PARK BENCH
KATE WINSLET is crying. ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM is consoling her.
KATE WINSLET
I can't believe we accidentally saw GEORGE CLOONEY out with another woman! I thought he loved me. You were closest to the two of them, what was he saying to her?
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Well, everyone, I am perfectly well aware that Alyson Hannigan has married someone or other.
KATE WINSLET bursts into renewed tears. GEORGE CLOONEY comes running up to them.
KATE WINSLET
I don't want to talk to you, GEORGE CLOONEY. I heard what you were saying to that horrible other woman.
GEORGE CLOONEY
But KATE WINSLET, this is all a ghastly misunderstanding of some kind.
KATE WINSLET
Leave me alone. I have a broken heart.
GEORGE CLOONEY
I guess I will take that job in that other country then.
GEORGE CLOONEY leaves
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Blond, admittedly, but very attractive despite that.
KATE WINSLET
Thank you, ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM. That's just what I needed to hear now that I have a broken heart. No wonder you are my best friend.
CUT TO.
INT. A BUSY AIRPORT
THE NEXT DAY
GEORGE CLOONEY is preparing to leave forever.
CUT TO.
INT. A TAXI
KATE WINSLET
Hurry, TAXI DRIVER. GEORGE CLOONEY is about to get on a plane and leave forever and I've just realised that it is because of a ghastly misunderstanding.
TAXI DRIVER
Sorry, KATE WINSLET, but we are in a traffic jam that has dramatically sprung up in order to create dramatic tension.
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM suddenly climbs on top of the roof of the taxi.
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
(yelling)
' Instead, I merely replied, gently, but firmly, 'Don't touch the glass - you'll leave smudges.
The other cars, hearing what ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM has to say, suddenly all pull over and let the taxi through. It races to the airport just in time.
KATE WINSLET
(yelling)
GEORGE CLOONEY! GEORGE CLOONEY!! Don't go! I understand now that it was all a ghastly misunderstanding.
GEORGE CLOONEY
Okay. I won't go.
He doesn't go.
KATE WINSLET
I love you, GEORGE CLOONEY.
GEORGE CLOONEY
I love you, KATE WINSLET.
ANDREWDUCKER.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Yes, I probably will write about the whole situation at some point.
GEORGE CLOONEY and KATE WINSLET
Hahahahahaha!!!!
THE END
-- Make another movie
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-12-07 03:20 pm (UTC)Hee, this is fun.
Date: 2003-12-07 06:46 pm (UTC)CATHERINE ZETA-JONES
Hurry, TAXI DRIVER. LEONARDO DI CAPRIO is about to get on a plane and leave forever and I've just realised that it is because of a ghastly misunderstanding.
TAXI DRIVER
Sorry, CATHERINE ZETA-JONES, but we are in a traffic jam that has dramatically sprung up in order to create dramatic tension.
LIVEJOURNAL.COM (VENGEANCE IN PALE JADE) suddenly climbs on top of the roof of the taxi.
LIVEJOURNAL.COM (VENGEANCE IN PALE JADE)
(yelling)
Sweet christ with a little paper umbrella -- have you looked out the window lately?
The other cars, hearing what LIVEJOURNAL.COM (VENGEANCE IN PALE JADE) has to say, suddenly all pull over and let the taxi through. It races to the airport just in time.
CATHERINE ZETA-JONES
(yelling)
LEONARDO DI CAPRIO! LEONARDO DI CAPRIO!! Don't go! I understand now that it was all a ghastly misunderstanding.
LEONARDO DI CAPRIO
Okay. I won't go.
He doesn't go.
CATHERINE ZETA-JONES
I love you, LEONARDO DI CAPRIO.
LEONARDO DI CAPRIO
I love you, CATHERINE ZETA-JONES.
LIVEJOURNAL.COM (VENGEANCE IN PALE JADE)
I can spend a month craving agedashi, because I usually can't afford Japanese restaurants.
LEONARDO DI CAPRIO and CATHERINE ZETA-JONES
Hahahahahaha!!!!
THE END