Emailed from Hal
Dec. 2nd, 2003 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
andrewduckerHow to Bath the Cat
1. Thoroughly clean toilet.
2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.
3. Find the cat and soothe him as you carry him to bathroom.
4. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on top, so cat cannot escape.
5. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this)
6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective.
7. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as possible and quickly lift both lids.
8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where he will air dry.
Sincerely,
The Dog
How to Bath the Dog
1. Call Fire Brigade.
2. Wait till they are at the end of the road (no sense being needlessly cruel..)
3. Dowse stinking, flee-bitten mongrel in petrol.
4. Ignite.
5. Draw attention of Fire Brigade to burning dog.
6. They'll do the rest.
Affectionately,
Soggy and P**sed Off Cat.
PS Try that again, Buster, and you'll be singing Soprano.. I haven't forgotten that trip to the vet.. oooh no...
1. Thoroughly clean toilet.
2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.
3. Find the cat and soothe him as you carry him to bathroom.
4. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on top, so cat cannot escape.
5. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this)
6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective.
7. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as possible and quickly lift both lids.
8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where he will air dry.
Sincerely,
The Dog
How to Bath the Dog
1. Call Fire Brigade.
2. Wait till they are at the end of the road (no sense being needlessly cruel..)
3. Dowse stinking, flee-bitten mongrel in petrol.
4. Ignite.
5. Draw attention of Fire Brigade to burning dog.
6. They'll do the rest.
Affectionately,
Soggy and P**sed Off Cat.
PS Try that again, Buster, and you'll be singing Soprano.. I haven't forgotten that trip to the vet.. oooh no...
