Affirmations by Ellen Degeneres

[andrewducker]

Via aint2nuts

I am the worlds tallest midget.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout.

I bet nobody knows I'm crazy.

I look good in bell bottoms.

Archie would rather date me than either Betty or Veronica.

I can walk through walls. Ouch! No, I can't.

I mean for my hair to look like this.

The Great Spirit smiles on me. On me and only me. The Great Spirit hates everybody else. We're best friends.

I don't need to exercise. I have the perfect shape.

I'm smarter than my dogs. Well, smarter than one of my dogs.

I look good with back hair.

Being grubby equals being cool.

I sing better than Bonnie Raitt. I have as many Grammys as Bonnie Raitt. I am Bonnie Raitt.

It's not important to know what everybody else seems to know. I dont care how much they laugh at me.

La la la la la la la la la la-Talk all you want, I can't hear you-la la la la la la la la. La la la.

If I put my mind to it, I could do anything. I just don't feel like putting my mind to something. So there.

I have X-ray vision. Wait a minute. I don't. These glasses are a rip-off.

I meant to get ripped off.

I've fallen and I can get up.

I'm good at watching TV.

I can come up with better affirmations than these.