Life with two kids: The difficulty level.

[andrewducker]

1) Parenting one child between two parents is easy mode. Totally. (It's still really hard sometimes, but so much easier.)

2) The main thing you lose is the ability to just hand your child to your partner and suddenly have free hands/time. Now either you're swapping them for the other child or you're staggeringly aware that you've just left your partner with *two* irrational monsters who have different requirements and no truck with the idea that they should wait to have them fulfilled. (Sophia will actually wait for a bit nowadays. Unless it's something important. Or she's hurt herself. Or she's sleepy. Or she's gotten herself worked up)

3) I am *really* glad you get to practice on one kid before you have to manage two. I'd already had a ton of experience on "What to do in 300 different child-related situations and how to do them on only four hours sleep."

4) I have *so much respect for people who have twins. Particularly if they had them first time out.

5) My friend Nikki who had her twins as a single parent is a goddess and I do not understand how she did not die. But I do totally understand why she basically no memory of the first 6 months of their lives.

6) I've got mixed feelings about what it would have been like to have three. We're, frankly, too old to have a third, and don't have the house space. But it would have been an interesting challenge.

7) Good luck to my brother Mike and his wife Helen, whose second child was born on Friday!

Comments

[threemeninaboat]

I was a nanny for triplets and their older brother. I don't have my own children, I'm DONE parenting :)

[andrewducker]

I'm not surprised!

[altamira16]

My cousin who already has a child had twins during the pandemic. I do not envy her life.

[andrewducker]

Me either!

[calimac]

7) Ooh, cousins! I never had any, so I'm envious of that in your children.

[mtbc]

Agreed. My first was easier than I expected, my second (incrementally) harder than I expected. In general I'm a big fan of there being at least as many caregivers as those needing cared for.

[conuly]

Once the baby isn't a baby anymore, it'll get easier. Everybody says that two is easier than one because they entertain each other, and in my experience, everybody is absolutely right.

But three is rough, because you're outnumbered! Also, three makes a triangle, and there's always an odd kid out.

[andrewducker]

My parents said they were happy with three. Because with 2 they can just not be talking to each other, whereas with three kids two could gang up on one, but which one was out used to change every five minutes, so we never got "stuck".

[alithea]

My sister said before she had my nephew that she didn't want him to be an only child. Then she had him, has still not had a decent night's sleep 2 years later and discovered her husband is pretty useless... I do not think I'll be getting another nibling!

[alithea]

I think a lot of it probably depends on the kids' personalities. An old school friend of mine has 3 and didn't find it more work than 2 when no. 3 was a baby, but now she's at primary school and has definite opinions, it is more work, because the rest of the family all enjoy similar things whereas the youngest is not a big fan of outdoor activities and has to be bribed and placated to join in.

[andrewducker]

Ah yes. If your partner is not helping then you definitely don't want two!

(And should probably get rid of the partner too)

[andrewducker]

Just let them bring a book/phone!

[alithea]

Yes well, I am not the biggest fan of my BIL as you may have gathered... She's gone back to work and left him no choice in parenting when nephew isn't at the child minders. Hopefully he'll buck his ideas up!

[danieldwilliam]

It does get easier as they get older.

They become more teamy. More patient. More able to sort themselves out and then able to help out.

Currently I'm thinking about what a reasonable set of household chores are for the Captain.

[andrewducker]

I've never been close to my cousins. They're generally perfectly nice people, but I've only ever seen them once or twice a year, and not even that for the last couple of decades. Being sprinkled all over the country tends to have that kind of effect.

[andrewducker]

If we have any more we'll have to go poly!

[andrewducker]

Fingers crossed!

[andrewducker]

Yeah, things had already improved quite a lot by the time Sophia was 18 months old, and she's changed dramatically again since then. Really interested to see how things are over the next few years!

[haggis]

My mum stayed with us for thw first two weeks after Zoe was born. The difference between parenting 3:1 and parenting 2:1 was really noticeable!

[andrewducker]

Definitely! I'm glad she could help out at the start.