I just said goodbye to my eldest child

[andrewducker]

That's Sophia dropped back off to nursery for the first time since Christmas.

I've been feeling bad for feeling good about it up until now, but my overwhelming feeling right now is a slightly tearful overwhelm.

She didn't cry today. She was a little bit overwhelmed with trying to explain to me what was going to happen today, and a bit solemn when she stepped through the door to the carer, but she waved goodbye to me and blew me a kiss.

It's definitely the right thing to do. As Jane reminds me, she really needs the socialisation. We went to the play park two days ago and she just got frightened at how many children were playing there (and it wasn't *that* many). This is the same as the first lockdown, and she was much better with other kids after two weeks back.

I suspect tomorrow there will be tears at drop-off, as she realises that she's back for good. But hopefully I'm wrong and she looks forward to it. She's talked about her nursery friends several times when she was off, and is clearly now reaching the age where she wants to play with other kids, even if they are a bit scary.

I just want her to have some stability. She was in first nursery for four months, then we moved.
Second nursery for three months, and then Jane got through to me that it wasn't a good fit for Sophia.
Third nursery (much better) for four months and then lockdown for four months.
Then back to third nursery again (but in a different room) for five months, then lockdown 2 for two months. And now back to nursery three again, for the third time. Hopefully this sticks!

Comments

[f4f3]

My days of dragging reluctant small person to school are long gone, but I can sympathise with the welter of feelings. One thing not to worry too much is about S's lack of stability. To her, this IS normal. They get to have a new normal every day, and she has the stability of you and J through it all.

[calimac]

Someday she will want you to outline all these events from her confusing early history to straighten out her vague memories.

[andrewducker]

Yes. At some point someone will mention the pandemic and she'll have questions.

I'm not sure kids tend to have memories from under 3 when they're older though. It must vary.

[danieldwilliam]

I think not very coherent memories, the occassional snapshot.

[rmc28]

Yeah, I have some clear individual memories of things that happened when I was under five, but not much.

[danieldwilliam]

One of my sharpest memories (or perhaps the memory of remembering the memory is sharp) is wearing wellies and standing in a shallow river on a hot day when I was three. No idea where it was, or when exactly, or who else was their or why.

[calimac]

Sometimes descriptions can cause only half-realized things to sometimes "click" into focus. I've seen that happen to people. As an adult I re-visited an elaborate mausoleum (the tomb of assassinated President James A. Garfield) that I'd visited only once before, when I was 3, and I suddenly realized its enormous pictorial influence on my childhood imagination.

[andrewducker]

Oh yes, definitely. It all influences us, even if we don't have conscious memories of it.

[cmcmck]

No one in authority seems willing to have an adult conversation about how much this is screwing up kids' lives.

And you can imagine how a teacher is feeling about it!

[andrewducker]

I've seen lots of discussions about it, and certainly Nicola Sturgeon talked in detail about how reopening schools was the first thing they would be doing when anything reopened. I believe that England is also opening schools up before anything else. So it's clearly a priority.

[danieldwilliam]

My son's school have just started offering counselling sessions to P6 and P7 kids who are in need of it.

[danieldwilliam]

Is she suffering a lack of stability? Or is she just experiencing change? Or perhaps benefiting from a variety of experiences?

[andrewducker]

She is much happier when she knows what's happening and she definitely gains a lot from being around other kids regularly.
She has liked being at home, but she's more bored than she is at nursery, where they have a lot more resources for her.

[danieldwilliam]

When you say she's happier when she knows what's happening do you mean when she is familiar with the pattern of events or when she gets a good explaination of the future?

[andrewducker]

The pattern of events. She's definitely happier when there's a structure going on. She doesn't have a great grasp of time, but it feels like she flounders a bit. She asks more questions about what's going on, and she's clingier.

Oh, and there are definitely adjustment periods to each new unfamiliar place/people. That definitely leads to fear and tears.

(It's possible I'm reading too much into lack of structure, of course. There are a lot of conflating issues.)

[snippy]

I always felt conflicted-I wanted what was best for my children, and me. But also I wanted things that maybe weren't best for us but would be fun in the moment. Sometimes I selfishly wanted to be everything to them!