Childish things

[andrewducker]

Once, I believed that when I was an adult I'd have the answers. It seemed perfectly reasonable, after all adults definitely had the answers - my parents were never at a loss for answers to my questions, my teachers were the ones with all the facts, presumably when I was older I'd somehow become an adult (although, thinking about it I never really imagined becoming an actual adult).

I can't remember when I realised that I was never going to become an 'adult' (that is, what I held in my mind as an adult, a knowledgable, reasonable, mature person) and that the vast majority of the actual adults in existence were nothing like this image. Amusingly, it was surprisingly recent. I remember a change from feeling like I was a constant student, struggling towards something, to a sudden loss of interest in the many teachings I saw around me. Suddenly these teachers weren't on a higher level, offering advice to me to bring me up to their more-sacred level, they were just people with a few insights, spreading them around. These people weren't any better than me, and an awful lot of them didn't even measure up to me in many ways.

To cheat horrifically and use lyrics, I went from:

If there's somebody up there, could they throw me down a line
Just a little helping hand, just a little understanding
Just some answers to the questions that surround me now

to

"No more heroes anymore"

Which isn't, to be sure, to imply like I feel I know everything, or that I have all the answers, but more an admission that nobody has all the answers.

At which point it becomes obvious to me that I'm talking about the limits of knowledge again. Wich I've done on several occasions in the past, so I'll switch tracks and go back to my original sentence and try again:

Once, I believed that when I was an adult I'd have the answers. Kirsty has frequently said that she was never like this, that as far back as she can remember she was very aware of the hypocrisy and fallibility around her. Which largely makes me glad that I had/have parents that were atheists, reasonable and fairly adult. Who may have argued from time to time, but insofar as I can tell were the most reasonable parents of anyone I know. No, they weren't perfect, but if I was to someday be a parent (and I hope not to be), I'd feel extremely good about myself if I could do as good a job as they did. Similarly, although many of my teachers weren't great, they were certainly at the least dedicated and competent, with some fantastic ones. If this led me to naivety about the quality of adults and the very state of adulthood itself, then I'm happy to put up with that side-effect.

Comments

[cangetmad.livejournal.com]

I felt the same way as you, and, yep, I had mostly competent, sane adults around me. The side-effect for me is an ongoing sense of surprise when I get a glimpse of how I look from the outside: I really am a functioning adult. It looks like it should look, but it just doesn't feel like I thought it would feel.

[andrewducker]

I think that's it. I don't feel like I thought adults would feel. I feel unsure of myself and like I'm learning all the time. I assumed that adults would feel like they'd arrived, rather than like they were still journeying.

On the other hand, feeling like I wasn't still on a journey would be fairly horrible, so I'm glad I don't feel like that.

[heron61.livejournal.com]

Once, I believed that when I was an adult I'd have the answers. Kirsty has frequently said that she was never like this, that as far back as she can remember she was very aware of the hypocrisy and fallibility around her. Which largely makes me glad that I had/have parents that were atheists, reasonable and fairly adult. Who may have argued from time to time, but insofar as I can tell were the most reasonable parents of anyone I know.

While I'm certain that there are some emotional benefits to assuming adults are infallible, it seems to me that the practical benefits of knowing that everyone can be (and frequently is) wrong and hypocrisy is rampant are quite significant. Then again, in addition to having fairly dubious and incompetent (but thankfully non-horrific) parents, I also remember the end of the Vietnam War and Watergate as a child - I grew up knowing that unless proven otherwise people in authority are self-serving liars and that anyone with power over you is not to be trusted. These beliefs fit the modern US exceptionally well and I'm very glad I learned those lessons while I was quite young. I consider trusting authority figures to be at best foolish and at worst dangerous.

On a related note, reading lots of SF written by Andre Norton helped instill the same messages, and so I recommend it highly as books for people to give their children.

[allorin.livejournal.com]

So there have been no good Presidents of the USA?

[diffrentcolours]

Have some of them proved themselves to be other than self-serving liars?

[allorin.livejournal.com]

Ya know what I mean. Some do more good than bad. Can't think of any American examples, but what about Mandela?

What if I teach my kid that all people in power are untrustworthy, and then a good one comes along?

I'll educate Con, but I'll teach him to keep an open mind, and more importantly, make up his own mind about things.

[darkoshi]

What about Jimmy Carter? He always seemed like a pretty good person to me. And although I was too young to know much about what went on while he was in office, he seems to have been doing a lot of good since he got out. Like working with Habitat for Humanity, creating the Carter Center, being involved in peace negotiations and promoting democratic elections in other countries...

Or am I deluded and lacking facts about bad things he may have been involved in?

[heron61.livejournal.com]

So there have been no good Presidents of the USA?

Not in my lifetime. OTOH, some people in authority are better than others - Jimmy Carter was far superior to everyone after who has come after him. However, I still don't trust any leaders or believe that they are ever more devoted to what the people under them want than to their own agendas. I do admit that elected political leaders are in general less self-serving than business leaders and corporate CEOs because business leaders have far less need to consider what others think.