I am not impressed by dating sites.

[andrewducker]

Idly looking at dating sites, and seeing what the options are. I figured that doing so while it doesn't feel urgent is a good approach. I can take my time and faff about with them.

And being frankly amazed at how much dating sites charge before you can even tell if the site is any good.

Elite Singles: minimum cost is £150 for three months.
Parship.com: minimum is £90 for three months.
Match.com: Will let you sign up for a single month. For...£43. But you have to hunt to find that option. The cheapest they show by default is three months for £90.

Now, I don't mind paying for a decent service, but frankly the basics I've seen from looking around these sites haven't filled me with hope that they're where "my people" are. Most of them seem more focussed on looks than anything else, and the assumptions they make around hobbies tend not to include things like "playing with technology" or "computer games", or even "board games" a lot of the time. The music choices range from "Opera" to "pop", and if you're lucky they might mention "hard rock". Which isn't to say that I'd only date someone who played euro-style board games and listened to dark electro. But when everything on the site screams "Pretend to be bland! It's what everyone wants!" I find myself completely turned off.

So, meantime I've been playing with my OkCupid profile, in an attempt to find a description that feels like me, so that when I decide what sites _are_ worth using I've got a starting point. Much as when I last wrote my CV, I want something that puts off unsuitable people as much as it might attract someone who would suit me. I think I'm getting there, although I'm still not entirely happy with it. If anyone has comments/suggestions then shout.

Comments

[miss_s_b]

I've never used a dating site, but everything I've heard about them tells me that what you say here is true.

[doccy]

Literally the only thing I've heard of dating sites lately is someone that used OkCupid, to great* success.

So... That's one vote in favour of OkC?

* She convinced a man that she was not also a man, they met in person and she seems happy :)

[myka]

Tinder is free... just sayin'

hahaha

:-D

[andrewducker]

Not terribly comfortable judging people basically on their looks.

[myka]

Good point, and this is why I was initially reluctant to use it.

However, I realized the photos can tell you a lot - context, environment, so on. Plus people sometimes link to instagram and/or write little blurbs that give clues.

In 6ish months using it off and on I have met a few really lovely people, some nice people for friends, and a couple of kind of awful people. I feel like the lovely people made it mostly worth my while. However, I do think that the experience of men looking for women on that app may not be as satisfactory as apparently they are targeted by spammers.

I had a quick look at your OKC profile, at least what I could see of it, and it looked good :-)

[andrewducker]

Thank you!

[altamira16]

Is Bumble a thing there? I see references to it popping up lately.

[andrewducker]

It is.

I am now using it.

Nobody has messaged me.

But it has only been 18 hours.

[laserboy]

I met my husband through friends I met through someone I dated through a friend I met on a dating site. Not sure it really adds anything to the discussion, except maybe just meeting people through people.

[andrewducker]

Yeah, if nothing else I think that expanding my friends group is a good idea.

[andrewducker]

I shall hope that someone convinces me that they're not a man.

[birguslatro]

This made me check out NZ's main dating site. It seems they have 10% of the population on it...

https://www.findsomeone.co.nz/

A nephew of mine met his current partner through a dating site, (which I assume was the above), and the relationship seems good, so I'd say they're as good a place as any to meet someone of a like mind.