Flirting

[andrewducker]

Flirting is tricky. I feel uncomfortable hiding the fact that I'm attracted to people (and I'm attracted to a fair few). But on the other hand, I know that being found attractive makes some women feel uncomfortable. I find it hard to find a level where I can low-level flirt with them without making them feel creeped out, or me feeling like I can't relax.

Bloody imperfect world.

Comments

[weetanya.livejournal.com]

"compliment her shoes."

- president's daughter from The American President.

[andrewducker]

I know _how_ to flirt. The problem is that I like flirting with people, but they don't always like being flirted with.

[allorin.livejournal.com]

Ah, and there's the rub, isn't it? Who wants to flirt, and who doesn't?

In my experience, it's reasonably easy to tell. Any woman I've flirted with has clear boundaries, and at the first point you hit up against them, you back off. I generally just treat it as a game, or a challenge, which I guess is easy 'cos I'm married and not interested. I only _ever_ flirt for fun. I'd hate to be actually doing it for real!

[cruft.livejournal.com]

I have the opposite of your problem. Please teach me to flirt.

[andrewducker]

Bearing in mind that I can only flirt with people that I already know and am relaxed around, this should be taken with a huge pinch of salt (the words "Andy is giving people advice on flirting." will have most of the people I know in stitches).

1) Be confident. Nothing's more of a turn off than uncofident people or desperate people.

2) Pretend that you assume the other person wants to sleep with you. "You have work tomorrow? I'll be sure to make you breakfast nice and early then." Don't take yourself too seriously here, or you'll come across like an arrogant dick.

3) Be over-complimentary about them. Not sexually (necessarily) in a "Hey, nice breasts, I'd like to rub myself all over them." but just "Hey, nice top." or "I like the way you dance." Make them feel special.

At the very least, if you do all three of those, people will get on with you better and you'll have a good time.

[heron61.livejournal.com]

I've noticed a difference between complimenting people and flirting with them, part of the difference (for me) is that I can easily do the first and not the second. I also am quite good at reading people, but I never notice if someone is flirting with me, unless they are doing so to such an obvious and blatant degree that it makes me recoil with horror. In part, this is likely made worse by the fact that almost no one in my in-person social group (10 people) ever flirts with each other, so I have no exposure outside of (shudder) media portrayals which generally make both gender relations and all forms of romance look both horrific and vastly offensive.

[wordofblake.livejournal.com]

"I know that being found attractive makes some women feel uncomfortable"

I've always had a problem understanding that. I'd like to have people attracted to me. Especially if I could have a way of knowing at the time. When people say "I used to really fancy you" it doesnt help.

[andrewducker]

Imagine if people you weren't attracted to kept telling you that they wanted to have sex with you.

A lot.

Sometimes complete strangers and real dickheads.

People that were physically much stronger than you.

You'd be worried too.

Re:

[wordofblake.livejournal.com]

see there it's the continual nature, the urgency, and the lack of respect that are the problem, rather than the actual attraction.

[andrewducker]

True.

But after a while, people make associations.

[kpollock.livejournal.com]

It can feel like a threat cos some blokes don't ask nicely (or at all) and won't take no for an answer.

[octopoid-horror.livejournal.com]

Flirting strategy from the mind of Nick: Ensure that people are convinced you are very, very gay indeed. Then it becomes not only acceptable, but expected. Well, that's what I found.

And if you want to flirt with me Andy, you can.

Say, that's a -nice- bike...

[kpollock.livejournal.com]

I don't flirt, I never did. What's the point? If I express interest, I am always deadly serious (and willing to admit it). If the other party is willing then it will happen, and as soon as possible. If they are nto then I'd liek to find out ASAFP so I can stop wasting my time and theirs. Rejection (at that sort of stage) doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Not that that applies to anybody other than hubby these days (because that's how I've decided it will be).

I therefore don't like people attempting to flirt with me, but then I can be quite oblivious, so I'm rarely too disturbed.

[davecleghorn.livejournal.com]

Everyone, male or female appreciate a complement – a genuine complement. Who doesn’t like to be told something nice about them? I think the best way to feel relaxed with someone you’re attracted to and make them feel relaxed around you is to act like you would with a good friend. Just be you. The flirting is secondary and consequent and after being cool with someone, totally acceptable.