Houston, we have a gift problem
May. 20th, 2012 12:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
andrewduckerOne of the things remaining on our slowly diminishing wedding to-do list is "Make a gift list."
The problem being that there's very little we actually want. It's not like in ye olden days when a wedding was the point where children moved out from their parents and set up their own home, needing sheets, plates, etc. to get them started. We've been living together for two years, we've both been living away from home for many years, and we have pretty much everything you need to run a home.
Julie's currently clicking through the John Lewis website, looking at crockery and trying to decide if these are things we actually want people to spend money on. I've stared blankly at the numerous other tabs, thinking "Well, yes, a 93" TV would be lovely, but I'd feel actively guilty if people spent cash on a new TV for me when the current one is great."
The things we do want feel like normal household improvements. We'd like to replace all the curtains, because they suck. We need a new kitchen, because it's godawful. I suspect we're going to say "Please give us vouchers, and we will use them to replace our curtains and kitchen appliances." But we can't even say "Please give us a new dishwasher", because the whole kitchen needs to be ripped out, and that's not happening until the PhD is finished (a month-ish after the wedding), and we don't have anywhere to put a dishwasher for a month.
The problem being that there's very little we actually want. It's not like in ye olden days when a wedding was the point where children moved out from their parents and set up their own home, needing sheets, plates, etc. to get them started. We've been living together for two years, we've both been living away from home for many years, and we have pretty much everything you need to run a home.
Julie's currently clicking through the John Lewis website, looking at crockery and trying to decide if these are things we actually want people to spend money on. I've stared blankly at the numerous other tabs, thinking "Well, yes, a 93" TV would be lovely, but I'd feel actively guilty if people spent cash on a new TV for me when the current one is great."
The things we do want feel like normal household improvements. We'd like to replace all the curtains, because they suck. We need a new kitchen, because it's godawful. I suspect we're going to say "Please give us vouchers, and we will use them to replace our curtains and kitchen appliances." But we can't even say "Please give us a new dishwasher", because the whole kitchen needs to be ripped out, and that's not happening until the PhD is finished (a month-ish after the wedding), and we don't have anywhere to put a dishwasher for a month.
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Date: 2012-05-20 10:14 pm (UTC)Mat and I always said we'd ask people to contribute to a fund for the honeymoon.
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Date: 2012-05-21 09:13 am (UTC)But yeah, the problem with most "house" stuff is people usually *have that stuff*. A lot of people I know have asked for consumables (like wine) or money (to go towards the honeymoon or a big project like "new kitchen" which no-one would buy you all of) or charity donations.
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Date: 2012-05-20 11:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 11:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 11:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 11:22 am (UTC)I have no easy solution for you. Vouchers are a good idea. On the other hand, "we already have the usual stuff" a great excuse to give to folks you want to have at your wedding but who are too hard up to contribute (we are, after all, in a big-ass recession right now) and who you don't want to guilt-trip.
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Date: 2012-05-20 11:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 11:42 am (UTC)This!
Date: 2012-05-20 02:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-21 12:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 12:21 pm (UTC)In fact, I even managed to find our list from thirteen years ago:
1) Bookends
2) Adoption share in an animal at Chester Zoo
Our favourite animals are:
sand lizard
tawny frogmouth
serval
maned wolf
3) sharp chopping knife
4) 8in sharp carving knife
5) Debenhams Combi cube salt and peppermill acrylic
6) flatbottomed stainless steel 27-30cm fryingpan - must be dishwasher safe
7) 2 Large wicker laundry baskets - 'Ali Baba' style
8) 2 electrical extensions with 4-way multiplug
9) Mathmos lava lamp
10) Night sky globe
11) plasma globe/lightning ball
12) big outdoor candles
13) stuffed swordfish
14) water bubble column lamp
15) miniature pocket binoculars
16) soapstone or Zimbabwe stone hippos
17) Gift vouchers - Virgin, Masai Mara, HMV
18) book tokens
19) Djungelorm (2-meter furry snake) from IKEA
20) Braun Oral-b electric toothbrush
21) Proper dartboard and darts
22) Toilet brush (anything other than dark wood or pink plastic!)
23) 3 storage jars
24) Star Wars lego
25) Cordless kettle (preferably dark blue)
26) Volkswagen Karmann Ghia convertible - must be yellow! (bunn isn't content with two sports cars)
27) Scale model of a Volkswagen Karmann Ghia convertible - must be yellow!
28) Dremel Multi
29) Anything over 400 years old EXCEPT spurs or riding equipment
30) Anything clearly identifiable as being made in Cameroon
31) A stone or bronze hare (not rabbit)
32) Blue wine glasses
33) A hollow clear glass human head - c£7 from Staks
34) Aqua mini clock blue or Zeitgeist thunder clock
35) Boots spacetimer radio controlled digital alarm clock
36) Past Times Gothic mirror
37) 5 sticky clothes rollers for removing cat fur.
38) Electronic desktop barometer
39) pruning saw
40) 6-string pullout clothes airer
41) 6-pack tall tumblers (hi-ball)
42) Halogen desk lamp - black or chrome.
43) Red or blue wastepaper basket
44) Ratchet screwdriver with swappable heads
45) Guide to British Insects (illustrated)
46) Large black stapler with lots of staples
47) Sheepskin rug
48) up to 4 large photo albums
49) Tandy - phone socket lightning protector
50) Tandy - 10m phone extension kit
51) Full size stereo headphones - the soft, leathery kind, not the hard stick-in-your ears kind
52) microphone
53) snipe nosed pliers
54) wire strippers
55) insulated tweezers
56) antistatic wrist strap
57) The growth of the American Republic Volume 1 only (we have vol 2), Morison, Commager and Leuchtenburg
58) History of the Peloponnesian War - Thucydides
59) Oxford Illustrated Prehistory of Europe - £30
60) Penguin Atlas of Ancient History - £8
61) Star Wars - A Visual Dictionary
62) The Campaigns of Alexander - Arrian
63) Oxford Companion to Classical Civilisation
64) The Silmarillion - JRR Tolkien - (with Ted Nasmith illustrations, hardback)
65) History of Middle-Earth - JRR Tolkien -Vol 3 The Lays of Beleriand
66) History of Middle-Earth - JRR Tolkien -Vol 5 The Lost Road
67) History of Middle-Earth - JRR Tolkien -Vol 4 The Shaping of Middle-Earth
68) History of Middle-Earth - JRR Tolkien -Sauron Defeated
69) History of Middle-Earth - JRR Tolkien -The Treason of Isengard
70) History of Middle-Earth - JRR Tolkien -The War of the Ring
71) History of Middle-Earth - JRR Tolkien -The Peoples of Middle-Earth
72) History of Middle-Earth - JRR Tolkien -Morgoth's Ring
73) History of Middle-Earth - JRR Tolkien -The Return of the Shadow
74) History of Middle-Earth - JRR Tolkien -The War of the Jewels Vol 2
75) History of Middle-Earth - JRR Tolkien -The History of the Lord of the Rings
76) The Punic Wars - Nigel Bagnall
77) Journey to the Vanished City - Tudor Parfitt
78) The "Agricola" and the "Germania" [of] Tacitus - Cornelius Tacitus
79) The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire - Edward Gibbon
80) The Lancaster and York: the War of the Roses - Alison Weir
81) In Search of the Trojan War - Michael Wood
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Date: 2012-05-20 02:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 12:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 02:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 01:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-21 01:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 01:40 pm (UTC)A few people insisted so we told them to make us something or bring us something they didn't use any more. We got loads of jam, chutney, home made booze and lovely mismatching crockery and glasses that way. A couple of people slipped 20/30E into our wedding cards (we went on a road trip camping round europe for a month as our honeymoon) and someone bought us a le creuset casserole dish. Most people expressed relief at not having to buy anything (or stay in a hotel, the wedding was in a field). But then a lot of our friends are pretty broke, like us :)
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Date: 2012-05-20 02:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 02:16 pm (UTC)If people want to give me something then they should bloody well give me something. If they want to support a charity, then that's fine, they can do that in their own time.
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Date: 2012-05-20 02:19 pm (UTC)If you weren't inviting people who would be over-sensitive, you could say something along the lines of "You don't need to get us anything. However, if you DO want to get us anything then you can imagine the kind of things that we would like. If you can't imagine the kind of things that we would like, then you probably don't know us that well, so really - don't feel you need to buy us anything if that's the case."
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Date: 2012-05-20 02:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 02:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 02:23 pm (UTC)"We really value your presence rather than your presents on our
special day. we appreciate the effort and expense of attending our wedding (most people are travelling and staying overnight) so please do not feel obliged to buy us a gift as well. If you would like to..."
I like the presence presents!
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Date: 2012-05-20 02:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 02:33 pm (UTC)And yes, I suspect we'll go for a kitchen fund, John Lewis vouchers for people that don't like doing cash, and people thinking up their own ideas for presents if they want to do something personal (which is always awesome of course).
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Date: 2012-05-20 02:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 02:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 02:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 03:21 pm (UTC)I also gave an option of some charities we liked, but only one person gave to charity.
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Date: 2012-05-20 04:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 05:20 pm (UTC)In the end I asked for "better" version of things I already had, such as egyptian cotton towels and sheets. As a result I will never need to buy a towel ever again and my children will probably inherit unused towels.
I also asked for a particular pattern of wineglass, and would have asked for a dinner service had I not recently inherited a very nice one. I also had lots of fun asking for things from Lakeland- I'm still using the non-stick baking liner 11 years on.
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Date: 2012-05-20 05:46 pm (UTC)I don't think I've ever given anything else than money for a wedding, either.
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Date: 2012-05-20 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 08:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-20 08:32 pm (UTC)We strongly considered IKEA, they do gift vouchers!
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Date: 2012-05-20 08:34 pm (UTC)Oh - and reply to the email I sent you earlier!
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Date: 2012-05-20 11:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-21 12:12 am (UTC)And don't forget to write thank you cards. My cousin didn't do them after her wedding and BOY am I pissed off.
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Date: 2012-05-21 09:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-21 12:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-21 12:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-24 01:04 am (UTC)For their wishlist, they put on lots of different sorts of stuff: their favorite charities (RSPCA for those in the UK & for her family/friends in Tassie, a local US pet shelter for USian friends/family), the makings for soda (as they have one of those carbonation-adder-thingies that apparently work just as well, are much cheaper, & don't have HFCS), a few other low-ticket items along those lines, gift cards at their favorite shops, and then they went "nuts." By "nuts," I mean they added high-end luxury cars they wouldn't actually want but certainly wouldn't turn down, castles, islands back in Tassie, and the like.
If nothing else, it was good for a laugh as everyone who knows Rand knows that she'd prefer folks to be there rather than give gifts or that those who really want to give something give a donation to the critters instead. But for those who just can't stand merely showing up or donating to the animals, there were options from under $5 (or however much the soda bits cost) up to well over a million.
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Date: 2012-05-27 08:07 pm (UTC)