This is all pickwick's fault

[andrewducker]

[Poll #1616590]

Comments

[pickwick.livejournal.com]

I have and it was an improvement, but I chose to do it - if I didn't think it was going to be an improvement I wouldn't have done it!

[zz]

I don't understand what you mean by changing one's personality.

[matgb]

My personality has changed since I moved in with SB (you may've noticed things like the lack of obsessively posting stuff online), but that was neither intentional or deliberate.

I think I'm just, well, happier, or at least more relaxed.

Hence I ticked the bottom two, I didn't do it in order to be with somoene, it happened as a result of being with someone.

[chuma.livejournal.com]

I cannot answer your poll. Unless my personality changes naturally through circumstance, then it hasn't changed, I am just faking it in which case it will ultimately fail.

If you mean knowingly, then 0%. If you mean naturally, I have no idea.

[dpolicar]

I'm not sure how to answer this. I've certainly changed my personality as a consequence of relationships I've been in, but I'm not sure if that's the same thing.

[darkoshi]

I can't visualize how someone would purposefully change their personality, as personality is such an integral part of a person. One could change one's habits and actions, which might make it appear to someone else that one has a different personality, but... I dunno. If you become used to those new habits and actions in place of your old ones, does that indicate that your personality has changed?

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

Depends much more on which bits than how much...

[andrewducker]

Same here, for the conscious stuff.

Sadly, I also changed in relationships unconsciously, because of the way I was treated.

[randomchris.livejournal.com]

I think I've changed my personality as a result of being with someone, but not in order to be with someone.

[lebeautemps.livejournal.com]

What do we mean by personality? In principle, I'd never change my personality and I don't see how you could, but I do compromise my daily MO in certain areas, putting up with certain behaviours that I would, on paper, never accept. I think this is due to the overall relationship-win. If someone wanted to change me or suggest that my personality changed, I wouldn't be with them. I do chase N to pick up after himself and do chores. I don't accept that his inability to do so is a personality trait.

[andrewducker]

Interesting. If someone keeps behaving in a particular manner, how is that different to a personality trait?

[ashfae.livejournal.com]

I don't think I'd know how to change my personality. I've changed behaviors and habits, because they were reasonable compromises to make, and that probably led to minor personality change, but I wouldn't have the foggiest idea how to assign a percentage scale.

[alextfish.livejournal.com]

Yes, this.

[lebeautemps.livejournal.com]

N really doesn't think about day to day stuff like that - his head is usually away with the fairies, or should I say Dark Eldar, planning his next Warhammer army or thinking about a mediation strategy for work. Personally, I think if there's no puzzle involved, his mind blanks it out. He knows there is a problem and is perfectly good-natured about it. If I say something about it or leave a note, he'll do stuff without question and with apology. So what personality aspect is that? He's not lazy, he just lives on another planet most of the time, a mental state of affairs where practical day to day matters don't register. We do joke that he's borderline autistic and the book "Loving Mr Spock" (how to have an aspbergers relationship)was very close to home...!

[andrewducker]

Sounds like he has a particular personality type (borderline aspergers) which makes it less likely that he'll notice enough of the outside world to tidy up. This doesn't make him _unable_ to tidy up - but it certainly diminishes his general ability to do so, I'd say.

[lebeautemps.livejournal.com]

It's certainly very interesting. If he was definitely autistic, I would say that his inability to clean up was primarily a neurological disorder, which affected his behaviour. In terms of personality, it's not something he can change. Up till now, I hadn't really thought that personality was more than simple behaviourial concepts, such as kindness, cruelty or generosity, but I considered them all mutable to some degree and wrapped up with a some kind of emotion. There's no emotion attached to N's inability to see chores unless it gets tied to general introversion...?

[andrewducker]

Yeah - it really does depend on what you mean by "personality".

Julie has ADD, which is a disorder of attention - this means that getting her attention focussed _on_ something, or changing her focus off of something she's deeply into can be hard. Is it part of her personality? Well, it affects her actions (although she tries hard not to let it get in the way of things or use it as an excuse), but it's not an emotional issue per se, it's just a facet of who she is.

[avatar.livejournal.com]

Resisting change is overrated.

Not keen on how you said "actually" like "this option is unlikely", but I know it's just semantics on a poll. :)

[undeadbydawn.livejournal.com]

it took me a very long time to grow the confidence to 'be myself'
the biggest change was for the woman who became my wife [now ex]. I absolutely hated it.

now I'm not capable of altering myself for others. That can cause problems, but I'm *vastly* more stable find everything works out much better that way - even if some people find I'm like having a conversation with a wall

[nb. if I _do_ feel like a wall, it's because you're saying something grossly inappropriate. I either switch off or become extremely unpleasant in your general direction, which you do not want]

[undeadbydawn.livejournal.com]

I, until very recently, had a similar thing. I pretty much just didn't notice mess until it got to the point that i couldn't physically manouver through it. Chaos was fine, because I saw inherent structure and could follow it.
Now, since I have have a sparsely decorated flat, mess bothers me considerably - in a large part because I know there is no need for it. I should have minimum 80% clear floorspace, including furniture. I have one plate, one knife, one fork, one cup, one desk, two chairs.
the fact that I have no excuse to live in mess changes everything. my headspace has also shifted into 'stuff has to be clear and make sense' mode, without which life would rapidly start to fall apart, just as it did late last year [as Andrew will recall]

and that can't be allowed to happen

[lebeautemps.livejournal.com]

I need the physical space at home or else I just can't think straight. I would say we need a bigger flat but we've already tried that: Warhammer ate the "study".

Interesting that some mess is structured clutter, and therefore ignorable.