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Aug. 2nd, 2023 12:51 am
That's the kids dropped off. It may be a tad moist out there.
Original is here on
instagram.
Aug. 2nd, 2023
So, I got an autism diagnosis
Aug. 2nd, 2023 08:59 amYesterday afternoon I got an email from the people who have been assessing me for an autism diagnosis, saying simply "I met with .. and our colleague .. this morning and an Autism Diagnosis has been confirmed."
And I instantly went from "Here's an amusing post I have in my head that I can stick up, complete with quiz." to "I don't know how I feel about this."
So I gave myself permission to just process my feelings for a couple of days, and not post anything until I'd thought it through.
I've been *pretty* sure that I was autistic for about 20 years. Since the first time I encountered online autism tests and went "Hmm, that's a remarkably high score." and then went and looked at the diagnostic criteria. I've spent a fair bit of time on a variety of neurodiverse sites where people gave each other advice, and I've adopted anything that looked like it might be useful. Not because I was sure I was autistic, but because I was interested in any tools or techniques to help me manage my life better.
But I've never been particularly interested in a diagnosis before, because I mostly wanted to be treated as *me*. I felt like I had a setup that worked well for me, and gaining an official diagnosis wouldn't actually gain me anything. There's no medication that would make life easier, no specific reasonable adjustments my employer could make that I wasn't already getting by dint of working for reasonably decent employers who didn't want to burn out their employees.
The reason I went for a diagnosis in the end was that that Jane has a diagnosis, Gideon is going to be seeing an expert to investigate getting him a diagnosis, Sophia is *clearly* masking a chunk of the time, and I was fed up of conversations that started "Yes, it's likely that Gideon is autistic, particularly as Jane has a diagnosis." - it felt like I was covering up whatever contribution I was making, and letting it all fall on her instead.
And, while considering it over the last day or so I've realised that my main worry is that people will no longer see me as "Andy, who is a massive geek, and thinks about things a lot, and plays games, and reads science fiction, and enjoys long walks, and plays with his kids a lot." and instead see me as "Andy, who is autistic and thinks about things autistically a lot, and plays games autistically, and autistically reads science fiction, and enjoys long autistic walks, and plays with his autistic kids a lot."
Which isn't to say that I want to hide that part of me. I just don't want it to be the first, or only thing that people see about me. I don't want to have opinions dismissed with "Well, what do you expect, he *is* autistic."
And I'd hope that my friends wouldn't be that way. Particularly not as I suspect a fair number of them already have suspicions about me in that direction, and a slightly smaller number have suspicious about themselves in that direction. But still, I worry.
It won't stop me, of course. I will be open about this, because I'm rubbish at not being open about everything. I'm just nervous. Hopefully that will fade as it stops being novel, and I can get on with being me, just with an additional label to add to all of the other ones I carry around.
Next up: Meetings with my manager and the head of the diversity and inclusion team! (Although not today because I'm working from home.)
Oh, and you still get the poll:
And I instantly went from "Here's an amusing post I have in my head that I can stick up, complete with quiz." to "I don't know how I feel about this."
So I gave myself permission to just process my feelings for a couple of days, and not post anything until I'd thought it through.
I've been *pretty* sure that I was autistic for about 20 years. Since the first time I encountered online autism tests and went "Hmm, that's a remarkably high score." and then went and looked at the diagnostic criteria. I've spent a fair bit of time on a variety of neurodiverse sites where people gave each other advice, and I've adopted anything that looked like it might be useful. Not because I was sure I was autistic, but because I was interested in any tools or techniques to help me manage my life better.
But I've never been particularly interested in a diagnosis before, because I mostly wanted to be treated as *me*. I felt like I had a setup that worked well for me, and gaining an official diagnosis wouldn't actually gain me anything. There's no medication that would make life easier, no specific reasonable adjustments my employer could make that I wasn't already getting by dint of working for reasonably decent employers who didn't want to burn out their employees.
The reason I went for a diagnosis in the end was that that Jane has a diagnosis, Gideon is going to be seeing an expert to investigate getting him a diagnosis, Sophia is *clearly* masking a chunk of the time, and I was fed up of conversations that started "Yes, it's likely that Gideon is autistic, particularly as Jane has a diagnosis." - it felt like I was covering up whatever contribution I was making, and letting it all fall on her instead.
And, while considering it over the last day or so I've realised that my main worry is that people will no longer see me as "Andy, who is a massive geek, and thinks about things a lot, and plays games, and reads science fiction, and enjoys long walks, and plays with his kids a lot." and instead see me as "Andy, who is autistic and thinks about things autistically a lot, and plays games autistically, and autistically reads science fiction, and enjoys long autistic walks, and plays with his autistic kids a lot."
Which isn't to say that I want to hide that part of me. I just don't want it to be the first, or only thing that people see about me. I don't want to have opinions dismissed with "Well, what do you expect, he *is* autistic."
And I'd hope that my friends wouldn't be that way. Particularly not as I suspect a fair number of them already have suspicions about me in that direction, and a slightly smaller number have suspicious about themselves in that direction. But still, I worry.
It won't stop me, of course. I will be open about this, because I'm rubbish at not being open about everything. I'm just nervous. Hopefully that will fade as it stops being novel, and I can get on with being me, just with an additional label to add to all of the other ones I carry around.
Next up: Meetings with my manager and the head of the diversity and inclusion team! (Although not today because I'm working from home.)
Oh, and you still get the poll:
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 50
Andy's autism diagnosis
Interesting Links for 02-08-2023
Aug. 2nd, 2023 12:00 pm- 1. UK's first drone mail service begins in Orkney
- (tags:royalmail postoffices scotland drone )
- 2. The Good Omens graphic novel is now on Kickstarter
- (tags:kickstarter CrowdFunding neilgaiman terrypratchett comics )
- 3. Covid breach MP loses seat after recall petition
- (tags:UK politics Pandemic )
- 4. Meta loses battle in EU, will ask for consent to show personalized ads on Facebook and Instagram
- (tags:advertising surveillance Facebook Europe )
- 5. UK to keep EU safety mark in post-Brexit climbdown
- (tags:UK Europe standards )
- 6. Trump indictment: a brief introduction
- (tags:USA politics republicans crime )
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