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Emotional Explanation
Jan. 2nd, 2002 11:54 pmDave Sim is right. In a limited way. About this one thing. (Don't want to be seen to be giving him too wide an endorsement, well, not until I find out how serious he's being).
Specifically, he's right when he says that emotion trumps reason. At least, I think he's right if you care about the person you're arguing with.
You know the situation, you've been there. You've said something, or done something, or not said something or not done something, and dramatically upset someone. You didn't mean to, you had no idea you would, and you certainly don't want them upset at you. But you don't feel you've done something wrong, or at least not very wrong, or at least you feel it was the kind of thing that anyone would do, so you can't apologise.
Well, not that you can't apologise (because obviously you could), but you don't feel it would be right to apologise (to me, anyway, making an apology you don't mean when you don't even really understand what you did wrong, is pretty much the heigh of hypocrisy, and I hate hypocrisy above all things. Well, above most things. Well, I'm certainly not in favour of it. Except when necessary).
So (you think), I can try and explain why I was right in what I did. Except you can't. Because it doesn't matter how rational your explanation is (or how logical it sounds you anyway), because the other person has been hurt by your action, so no amount of explanation will make them less hurt. The only thing that will make them less hurt is an apology and reconciliation.
The strange thing being that apology from one side in these situations pretty much always leads to the other side admitting they were overreacting just a tad, or even quite a lot, and that when you get right down to it whatever it was really wasn't worth falling out over.
But still, someone has to make the first apology, which is damned hard. After all, nobody likes apologiseing when they feel only partly inthe wrong.
So I'm gonna do it now and forever. I apologise. It was me. I didn't mean it. At least I didn't mean to upset you (whoever you are). I shouldn't have done it, or not done it, or said it or not said it, or been early or late, or had that look on my face, or that tone in my voice. I didn't mean to upset you, I didn't realise I would upset you, and if I had realised I was gonna upset you, I would have done something else instead (probably involving baking you a cake, which is generally accepted by most people to be the act least likely to cause offence).
Now, can we be friends?
Specifically, he's right when he says that emotion trumps reason. At least, I think he's right if you care about the person you're arguing with.
You know the situation, you've been there. You've said something, or done something, or not said something or not done something, and dramatically upset someone. You didn't mean to, you had no idea you would, and you certainly don't want them upset at you. But you don't feel you've done something wrong, or at least not very wrong, or at least you feel it was the kind of thing that anyone would do, so you can't apologise.
Well, not that you can't apologise (because obviously you could), but you don't feel it would be right to apologise (to me, anyway, making an apology you don't mean when you don't even really understand what you did wrong, is pretty much the heigh of hypocrisy, and I hate hypocrisy above all things. Well, above most things. Well, I'm certainly not in favour of it. Except when necessary).
So (you think), I can try and explain why I was right in what I did. Except you can't. Because it doesn't matter how rational your explanation is (or how logical it sounds you anyway), because the other person has been hurt by your action, so no amount of explanation will make them less hurt. The only thing that will make them less hurt is an apology and reconciliation.
The strange thing being that apology from one side in these situations pretty much always leads to the other side admitting they were overreacting just a tad, or even quite a lot, and that when you get right down to it whatever it was really wasn't worth falling out over.
But still, someone has to make the first apology, which is damned hard. After all, nobody likes apologiseing when they feel only partly inthe wrong.
So I'm gonna do it now and forever. I apologise. It was me. I didn't mean it. At least I didn't mean to upset you (whoever you are). I shouldn't have done it, or not done it, or said it or not said it, or been early or late, or had that look on my face, or that tone in my voice. I didn't mean to upset you, I didn't realise I would upset you, and if I had realised I was gonna upset you, I would have done something else instead (probably involving baking you a cake, which is generally accepted by most people to be the act least likely to cause offence).
Now, can we be friends?
