Best Agony Aunt Ever

[andrewducker]

<sub>Dear Auntie Oxidant

I think my boyfriend might be a bit Aspie. He can't pick up on hints, never realizes when I am miserable (even if I am crying) and can't make conversation with my friends. I have described his behaviour to some of my online friends and they seem to think he has Aspergers.

Yours, Twilight Fan</sub>

Dear Twilight Fan

Your boyfriend is not 'a bit Aspie'. He's just a bloke. He can't pick up on 'hints' or tell when you are miserable because, as an adult, he has progressed beyond responding to passive aggression or sulking. He probably chooses not to talk to your friends because they are asinine bores.

As forgetting your online friends to diagnose him? If your cat was sick would you get a bunch of women who spend all their time online posting pictures of 'Edward the vegetarian vampire' dolls' they have knitted from their own pubic hair trimmings to diagnose him? No, I thought not.

From

Comments

[meaningrequired.livejournal.com]

You know, I actually feel this is a real issue. The line between a "disorder" and the realms of "normal behaviour" can be difficult to judge.

I've seen in forums, women discussing their partner's symptoms, trying to understand if he is just a jerk, or if he has an issue. If he is a jerk, then at least they can feel less guilt about leaving him. If he has an actual condition! Well then! That can change the way a person perceives a relationship.

Oh god, I'm never going to get out of academia - an interesting study would be to ask people about their perceptions of a series of behaviours, where one group is told that the owner of the behaviour has a condition, and the other is not. Throw in something to add variation and to further our understandings - and you've got yourself a study.

[likeneontubing.livejournal.com]

I'd love to see the results of that.

[davesangel.livejournal.com]

I agree - in cases where the woman is actually crying (people don't cry for no reason) or is being very clear about what is wrong yet he still doesn't get it then I definitely think it's possible that it's a disorder and something that needs to be talked about. It's become pretty common now - the idea that blokes can't pick up on hints, etc, but I feel that this may have bbeen adapted as an excuse or a mask for something more serious (in some, not all, cases).

[bracknellexile.livejournal.com]

On a side note, I wonder if one could do a meta-study - a study of those who feel compelled to study. Not just you with your apparently irresistible urge to find out what makes people tick, but I find sometimes I can't listen to music (specially the more exotic progressive rock) without subconsciously analysing the odd chord changes or weird time signatures and I know several English students who can no longer just sit and read a book without analysing and dismantling it.

I wonder if a study of those who study would show they do it because their brains inherently work that way, or they can't help but analyse, even when "off-duty" because it's now second nature....

[rosamicula.livejournal.com]

Thank you!