andrewducker | One of _those

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One thing I'm intermittently paranoid about is the idea that my friends aren't telling me things. Several times now I've discovered after the fact that my friends all thought I was doing something stupid _and weren't telling me_ - which meant that (a) I didn't know and (b) I couldn't talk to them about whether it even was stupid.

I crave honest feedback and communication - it helps me to improve as a person, and it can highlight things I either miss or don't consider important. Having other people's views on things is very helpful to me.

So, I'm temporarily turning on the ability to leave anonymous comments, so that people who aren't comfortable telling me things can leave feedback, and throwing this one open - is there anything you think I should know? If so, now's the time to tell me...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From: (Anonymous)

DOH I thought you meant screened comments, not anonymous. Deleted comment, but I'm happy to email it to you if you didn't get it.

From:

andrewducker

Or you could delete this comment, and then leave an anonymous one with the original contents. That way I can reply in public :->

From: (Anonymous)

Man it took me a really long time to figure out how to leave an anonymous comment there - it seems you have to click on 'More options'.

So anyway, I think the issue with this approach is, most of those 'things' (especially 'things you do' or 'things people say') are not solely about you, if that makes sense. I wouldn't be comfortable putting anything in a public forum which in any way 'implicates' or concerns anyone else, because you might be fine with 'things about you' being public but other people might not. See if there was anything juicy and scandalous going on, which there isn't (shame really), and I was going to tell you about it, then I would be a lot more interested in protecting other people's - your friends' - identities than mine. Does that make sense??

From:

andrewducker

Absolutely. I assume you'd obfuscate other people's identities as well as your own :->

From:

zornhau.livejournal.com

Life is too short for nuance.

From:

red-phil.livejournal.com

Sometimes I think something somebody is doing is a mistake, but that they probably won't agree with me until after it has proven to be a mistake.

If I point out my feelings I risk upsetting them for no real gain.
If I stay quiet, it still goes wrong, and hopefully they learn from the experience.

Obviously if the mistake is going to have serious impact I will try to stop that happening, but most mistakes are not that serious.

From:

marrog.livejournal.com

Sometimes I think something somebody is doing is a mistake, but that they probably won't agree with me until after it has proven to be a mistake.

Andy actually made a whole post about this a while back.

Although actually in my case, a year later, I still think he was wrong, on balance. But.

From:

andrewducker

I'm absolutely fine with being wrong. But, as your friend, I felt I had to say what I felt - and then let you get on with it. I'd much rather do that than not have that conversation with you.

From:

poisonduk.livejournal.com

I think I have always been open and honest with you and have never held back. I have never felt a requirement to be anonymous as my approach in life is 'If I can't tell you to your face then I shouldn't be thinking it'. I offer you the same respect and value your critisisms or observations and I appreciate sometimes I have ignored these observations(as have you) and I know I can acknowledge with hindsight that you were right. This is a momntous occasion which Roy will note donw - It's not often I admit to being wrong but several times you have proved my choices are poo!

From:

nickys.livejournal.com

> I crave honest feedback and communication

Well, you're probably the only person who does. :-)
As Phil's said, mostly you don't get any thanks for pointing out that things are a bad idea.

In fact, by an incredible feat of twisted logic you can sometimes be blamed for stuff when you've tried to help people avoid it by pointing out the probable outcome of their actions. :-)