Shocking, shocking news

[andrewducker]

Women choose wealthy partners, men choose sexy ones. - one wonders what the conflation between "wealthy" and "good at something" is in that study.
Also Kissing means more to women than men - apparently women use kissing to assess the person they're kissing. Which strikes me as a good reason why so many women end up with appalling partners.

Comments

[dougs.livejournal.com]

> But men placed less importance on it, using it to increase the likelihood of sex

Is "less" a typo, do you think?

[andrewducker]

I'm assuming either that the writers place less importance in sex than the majority of men, or that because men use it for sex and women use it for sex _and_ relationships, that's automatically less (which seems like an odd, but somehow vaguely justifiable statement).

[rosamicula.livejournal.com]

Which strikes me as a good reason why so many women end up with appalling partners.

Rough translation = Why so many women fail to end up with me ?

[andrewducker]

Oh Good Lord No.

I feel sure that Lilian has told you of various ways that I've been an appalling partner in my time...

[hfnuala.livejournal.com]

I knew I shouldn't follow that first link.

While humans may pride themselves on being highly evolved, most still behave like the stereotypical Neanderthals when it comes to choosing a mate.

What utter, utter bollocks. People from a society where they are told from a young age that looks are important when men chose partners and money is important for women, when put into an nonsense situation[1] act on this message. This proves fuck all about evolution.

[1]is speed dating in any way like how mate selection has been done over evolutionary time? I don't think so.

[channelpenguin.livejournal.com]

never been speed dating, but it takes me no more than one good look at someone (in motion) to decide whether I'd be willing to have sex with them - subject to a close up check for smell etc.

it was a stupid way to phrase it (not east cos we have very little idea about neanderthal social behaviour), and cultural influences do have some effect, but there are physically based reasons why males and females might have differently weighted priorities in mate selection, since breeding is more resource-draining on a female.

[drainboy.livejournal.com]

For a start I don't think the authors ever actually met any neanderthrals, let alone enough to make a judgement on what would constitute a stereotypical one.

[channelpenguin.livejournal.com]

"Which strikes me as a good reason why so many women end up with appalling partners"

For that to be true, the supply of appalling partners has to be pretty abundant, eh?

As to the kissing thing - I am honestly surprised that anyone doesn't consider being decent at it to be important. Anyone for the male POV here? Do guys *really* not care that much? Is it just that in a straight choice between good kiss and no sex and iffy kiss and sex that he latter scenario wins out? Cos that's a bit more understandable (though I must admit that I wouldn't be expecting the sex to be any better than iffy).

If affectionate or sexual contact with the person is not pleasant, I can't see why you'd do it - and therefore why you'd be be in a relationship with them - as opposed to being just friends. I know people do it - and intellectually, logically, the partner may have every other good quality going - but I can't see how that can be expected to work *as a relationship* if you dislike the way the smell/can't bear to touch/kiss them/be touched by them/kissed by them or if you don't enjoy the sex.

Unless, of course, neither of you is ever interested in that sort of thing with anyone, then I could maybe see it.

Otherwise the partner is going to sense that physical reluctance as emotional distance, if nothing else. Close physical contact is incredibly bonding - and that is something most people want/need at an emotional level, at least to some degree. If you don't get it from each other, then what happens?

[andrewducker]

I am honestly surprised that anyone doesn't consider being decent at it to be important.

Who doesn't? According to the article pretty much everyone does - just not for all the same reasons.

[channelpenguin.livejournal.com]

not from what i picked up. seemed to say to me that men would generally would have sex with a crap kisser and women generally wouldn't.

[andrewducker]

Oooh - good point. Sorry, I was mis-remembering part of that.

Men do tend to be much more basic about this stuff. Provided there's some sort of friction being applied to their penis they don't give a damn about anything else (generalising wildly).

[channelpenguin.livejournal.com]

ROFL!!!!

i do hope to do rather better than that, generally (and it does seem appreciated).

[lilitufire.livejournal.com]

Couldn't go out with a crap kisser. It's a deal breaker for me, sort of like being a really heavy smoker or hating cats :)

[ishkhara.livejournal.com]

I remember once having a date with a guy I really liked and everything going really well until, at the end of the night, he kissed me tightly on the lips like I was his favourite auntie. It totally put me off and I never saw him in the same way again.

[lilitufire.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's the sink plunger types that put me off :)

[neferet.livejournal.com]

Hmm, if there is actually any weight behind either of those articles then I should be male. I find wealthy partners intimidating, definitely need my partner to be at least a bit sexy, and as for kissing; I can really take it or leave it!
Gotta love articles that try to pin down gender-related behaviour / gender-differences.

[surliminal.livejournal.com]

moi aussi - but then I am generally assumed to be a gay man in a woman's body :)

[channelpenguin.livejournal.com]

aha, so, can you tell us why, for you, kissing is a take it or leave it thing?

I give not a sh*t about the financial status of my partners either way. Maybe that's common in women who aren't looking to be financially supported.

They *do* have to be sexy - oh yes, very much so....

[andrewducker]

Asking people why they don't care about something is generally on a hiding to nothing. People rarely know why they _do_ care about something.

"So, why don't you care about having your elbows rubbed?"

[channelpenguin.livejournal.com]

point taken.

OK, neferet - what DO you care about more than kissing??

[neferet.livejournal.com]

lol, I've always perceived kissing (as in not the peck on the cheek variety) as a prelude to sex rather than a means of guaging affection or personality or whatever. Coming from that angle, if someone wants to kiss, then we'll kiss, if they don't, then we don't, I'm really not fussed :)

The article says women use kissing to assess a partner - I use appearance, conduct and scent - and to maintain intimacy/guage the staus - I generally work on whether they want to a) cuddle up and b) want sex. I just don't see how a kiss can give you a decent picture or a person or where you stand with them.

[ishkhara.livejournal.com]

As far as I'm concerned it doesn't make a blind bit of difference to me whether a man is wealthy or not. I place more importance on personality and attraction than I do on how much they earn, which should be painfully obvious from my previous choices of partners. I need to feel attracted to someone so I have to find them sexy to be with them. I can't imagine being with anyone whom I didn't find sexy or didn't enjoy kissing! I love kissing: to me it's a way of showing affection and I don't analyse the kiss itself, I enjoy it for what it brings - a sense of closeness to my partner.

[channelpenguin.livejournal.com]

well said that woman!!!

I'd add that kisses are damned sexy as well as affecionate. It's a whole body thing, not just the mouth/tounge, ya know? Or at least the way I do it is (some people have found that [pleasurably] surprising, though, so clearly not everyone does the same).

[ishkhara.livejournal.com]

I'd certainly agree. A lot of the pleasure in kissing is to do with the body lanaguage, they way you lean into each other and can feel the other person's body heat. It's the way you touch each other - I find the look my partner gives me just before he kisses me highly erotic.