Miscommunication time again

[andrewducker]

As I mentioned numerous months ago, Erin and Meredith (my brother Hugh's wife) are not on speaking terms (for reasons I really can't be arsed to go into). Numerous of my friends, in fact, don't talk to other ones.

Due to various problems, at the time of my house warming, Scott wasn't comfortable being at my flat if Joe was going to be there, so I told him that I'd invite him round when I got back (along with Rob - his flatmate, and Neil, a good friend of theirs and mine).

Neil's currently doing a PhD in London, but when I was down there I chatted to him and he told me he'd be up this weekend, so that'd be a good time for him to come over and see the new flat. I confimed this with Scott about a week and a half ago. Erin was happy because she enjoyed staying with Neil in London.

Then, earlier this week, Rob sent emails to all the ex-players of the Deadlands game that Hugh ran (including Meredith, Hugh, Me and Neil) saying that as the other player (George) was about to leave the country for 9 months of travelling, we should get together on Thursday. After much going back and forth this was agreed, especially as Meredith would enjoy the company as Hugh was off running a LARP somewhere down south.

Wednesday night I called Rob and said "Are we meeting tomorrow?" and he said "naah, George can't make it" and I thought no more about it. I chatted to Scott yesterday over MSN and confirmed I'd be seeing the trio today around 6-ish.

So I then got a call today at 3:00 from Hugh asking why I was dragging the group away from Meredith when they'd come through to hang out all together.

Apparently he'd thought that we'd just postponed the thursday meeting to today, and Meredith was feeling that I was taking the meeting (or hijacking it, or something, it was a bad mobile line) over to my place. She seems to think that I'm in danger of being turned against her by Erin. As it happens, it's pretty much impossible to turn me against anyone, and irrelevant of my feelings on the Erin/Meredith problem I'm not going to stop talking to either of them.

So I chatted to Hugh, agreed that I'd go hang with the guys and Meredith over at her/Hugh's flat until 6-ish (maybe a bit later) and then drag them over here so that they could see the place and Erin could hang out with them. I then called Meredith to talk it over with her, got a very flat response when I said "Hello" and decided to just tell her I'd be over around 4-ish to say "hi" and explain what the mixup was. I then raced around getting the hoovering done so that the place is vaguely presentable for people turning up. And now I'm going to go over and hang out and hopefully get things sorted.

In the words of the great Archibald Tuttle - why can't we all just get along?

Oh, I'm also in the process of buying a flat, but that can wait until after soothing social ruffles.

Comments

Can't contain

[tisme.livejournal.com]

I am getting really fucked off with this. I really, really am. This is so fucking stupid, and yes, I am typing this into Andrew' live journal. And no, I don't give a flying fuck who reads it. Shall I tell you something funny? Andrew is an odd person. He has fantastic qualities and not so fantastic qualities, much, I suspect, like most of us. One thing he's not very good at is remembering to fill people in on stuff that goes on in his head. Did you know that I had no idea that there was a meeting of people that were all involved in Deadlands? I know of Deadlands, yes. I know George is going away. I know that Rob said George wasn't available on Thursday. I knew Neil was coming up from down south. I know they all went to Uni together. I figured that Neil wanted to see George. I know Neil wanted to come see us, so they were killing two birds with one stone. I didn't even fucking know that there was a meeting with Hugh and Meredith planned. Andrew didn't tell me, there's no reason he should have, and it didn't come up, suprisingly enough. And why is that? Because my life, since about August, has been going at the speed of a freight train. Sometimes I'm so busy that I'll ate whatever is in the cupboard just to stave off the hunger pangs. Andrew and I got to spend some time together last night and this afternoon for the first time in about three months, and my head has been full of Scotland's most eligible men and women for about two weeks solid (don't even ask). So, guess fucking what? I couldn't give a jiggedy rats ass what is happening in Meredith, Hugh, or George's life. A sentence which will get me called all sorts of names, but will hopefully convey once and for fucking all that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS SHIT! I have soooooooooooo many other things to do be doing with my mental, emotional and literal energy. And as for trying to hijack a fucking meeting of roleplayers, wtf? Do you KNOW how much work I have sitting on my desk? NO! But obviously I'd rather be playing host to a bunch of guys who don't really know me, in a dirty flat that I'm ashamed of, with no food or drink to offer them, than getting on with finishing my latest project and hopefully making enough money to pay Andrew back some of the enormous debt I owe him. Which brings me to another point. I found out recently that apparently Andrew's whole family have had 'doubts' about me from the very beginning. Get this: I'm using Andrew because I can't support myself. I'm making do. Yeh. Uh huh. Cos Andrew is the easiest fucking person on the planet to live with. He doesn't require effort and extreme patience and understanding at allllllllllll. Noooooooo. Its a peach. I get my rent paid, boink him once a week, and do whatever I want the rest of the time. I must be imagining all the fucking time I spent worrying about him, ironing his shirts, doing his dishes, shopping for his food, making sure we have exactly the right brand of apples in, and then picking up the cores with knives in that he leaves around the house. And I don't know about you, but I couldn't handle the dirty underwear of anyone I wasn't in love with. All of which doesn't mean that I'm at all a good person, or any easier, but jesus, a fucking lab monkey could have worked out that I was hardly a gold digger by now. I took him home to meet my fucking family. At Christmas! Which should have fucking sealed the deal and caused him to run screaming. But it didn't. God knows why. Anyway. I even invited Meredith over to Andrew's 30th, at which we even managed to talk for a bit because she filled me in on something in Oedipus REx that I didn't get, and that was great. But obviously I'm still crouched over my cauldron in the broom cupboard desperately trying to cause warts to grow on her feet or make Andrew realise that he doesn't like her. For goodness sake! have you ever tried to convince Andrew of something he doesn't want to believe? have you got five years or so? Why would I waste my fucking time and energy? For the last time: YOU ARE NOT WORTH IT. GET A LIFE. GET OVER IT. AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

[wordofblake.livejournal.com]

In all fairness Andy, you know</> why people dont get on.

"Why cant we all get along?"

because feelings arent as trivial as you seem to think.


Even you agreed it isnt fair to say "I'm an arse so just put up with it"

[andrewducker]

Oh, absolutely. But that doesn't mean that people can't apologise and sort out the problems.

I'm not saying "Ignore the problem", I'm saying "Sort the problem out" - and no, I'm not saying that it's down to _you_ to sort the problem out, before you take it that way.

[heron61.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean. In my case it's dealing with a 4 year long grudge by one friend that effectively split one group of my friends into two groups that interact only occasionally. That sort of behavior utterly baffles me because I find myself completely unable to hold a grudge longer than 3 or 4 days.

[spaj.livejournal.com]

MONK3H!!!! LOOK AT TEH MUNK3H!!!!

Mr_S.

[derumi.livejournal.com]

My head is spinning. 9_6 Whatever. Hope it all works out, and you know I already wish you the best with the new flat and all. ^_^

Leave off

[(Anonymous)]

First time I have ever commented on Andy's journal but as Erin's big sister I feel the need!!! I know a lot of the background to this and I also know Erin can be a pain in the ass sometimes - but vindictive and calculating I don't think so. Personally I think Hugh should get a back bone and Meredith should get a life!!! Erin has much better things to be doing (in case anyone didn't notice she is a very successful journalist, producer, director etc) than trying to screw up an already neurotic American's life!!! Thats about all I think so hope neither Erin nor Andrew have a problem with me responding but my big sister claws are out.

[(Anonymous)]

Erin, learn to use the return key. It'll make what you have to say approach understandability.

Ho hum, abuse on the internet from people I don't even know. I have a backbone, its the thing that stops me from flopping over all the time when I walk. As Erin has seen fit to post here, I feel I should post a reply.

As to Saturday, it was a miscommunication about what was going on. The rest of the problems Meredith has with you have been there for a long time, pretty much since she's met you. Some people just won't/don't get on, the way they interact with the world is too different.

If you hadn't noticed we have been trying to leave you alone (apart from feeding your cat when you were away). So FUCK OFF.

Hugh

[tisme.livejournal.com]

Hugh said: Erin, learn to use the return key. It'll make what you have to say approach understandability.

As opposed to the scrunched up piece of paper I received from Meredith, scrawled in five different highlighter pens, with illegible handwriting, telling me to go fuck myself because I asked if we could sort things out, and could she not go through Andrew as it was unfair?

I was very upset at the time, and pouring my feelings out. I think pressing the return key was the last thing on my mind.

Hugh said: Ho hum, abuse on the internet from people I don't even know. I have a backbone, its the thing that stops me from flopping over all the time when I walk.

As opposed to abuse from people that you've been _trying_ to get along with for months, and still won't make the effort know you, and consign you to the 'bitch' category within days of first contact?

Hugh: As Erin has seen fit to post here, I feel I should post a reply.

But you don't actually reply to anything I said. Strange.

Hugh: As to Saturday, it was a miscommunication about what was going on.

If you re-read Andrew's journal, you'll see there's slightly more to it than that. Eg. accusations (surprise, surprise) from Meredith that I'm spending my time trying to turn Andrew against her, and that I deliberately tried to 'hijack' the Deadlands meeting. The one that I didn't even know was happening?

Hugh: The rest of the problems Meredith has with you have been there for a long time, pretty much since she's met you. Some people just won't/don't get on, the way they interact with the world is too different.

Yep. And you know the funny thing? I actually did like Meredith when I first met her. I thought she was interesting and cool and very creative and spunky. I tried to be friends with her (oh, don't start, I did, ok?) and then when I sent a note expressing my frustration with her 'go-through-Andy' tactics, and asking if we could sort things out, even if just for Andrew's sake, I was told to go and fuck myself. But as you so rightly say, she decided long before then what I was, and there was bugger all I could do about it.

Hugh: If you hadn't noticed we have been trying to leave you alone (apart from feeding your cat when you were away). So FUCK OFF.

No, I hadn't noticed, what with finding out that you and Meredith have been basically negative about me from day one, and continuing to have discussions about how I am bad for Andrew up until this very day. What is your actual view on Andrew's 30th? Seriously, I'm interested. You can ask Mike how much preparation went into it, and how worried I was about whether me being there would be a problem, and how I wanted to make sure everything went ok. Just humour me and explain how the hell that fits in with your opinion of me?

And you're right about the cat, that was a very nice thing to do, and I had forgotten about it. I thank you heartily and apologise for not taking it into consideration. Although, is it too 'manipulative' of me to point out that Denver is now officially Andrew's cat as well, and you _were_ looking after her because I was going down south to visit Andrew. You know, the guy who I'm with just for his money. And that I've lied to. Oh, except you haven't actually been able to tell either of us what these lies are, despite multiple questioning. Interesting, that.

[(Anonymous)]

I didn't say "Meredith has hated Erin from day one and thinks she's an evil spiteful bitch of all hate" I said "The rest of the problems Meredith has with you have been there for a long time, pretty much since she's met you. Some people just won't/don't get on, the way they interact with the world is too different."

I never said Meredith didn't like you when she met you. I said that the problems she's had with her have been there from the start. You two do not look at the world the same, do not interact with the world in the same way and do so to such an extent that you just don't get on.

What problems Meredith has with you is for her to say and she did in a letter to you. She only wrote that letter because you spent two weeks writing a letter that slagged her off in a half dozen ways after we tried (not very well I'll admit) to sort out some problems. Yes, both people were bloody annoyed (your reply and her reply to your reply) and both of you are stubborn as all hell, so both of you know think that the other is an insane/evil/bitch queen. Please don't pretend that you were all love and kisses in that letter and I won't pretend that Meredith was reasonable in her reply.

My view on Andrew's 30th was that it was a very nice/good party. You were a good host and everyone had a good time. Do you have a problem with that?

As to the cat. I looked after the cat, cos it was a cat that needed looking after. I have no problems with the cat. The cat is fine. I'm happy to look after cats anytime.

Hugh

Tara again

[(Anonymous)]

Its rather ironic that Hugh is complaining about receiving abuse from someone he doesn't know considering Meredith and he are doing exactly that to Erin.

I am not naive enough to believe that everyone in the world gets on but as Erin seems quite willing to stay out of Meredith's life why can't Meredith return the favour? For someone who doesn't like Erin she seems to expend a lot of energy involving herself in Erin's business.


I think Andrew is old and wise enough to choose his partners - brotherly caution is perhaps understandable but psychotic sister-in-law concern is a bit much!

Re: Tara again

[(Anonymous)]

Tara, I wasn't complaining, I was stating a fact. Meredith has stayed out of Erin's life. She hasn't called her, emailed her, has avoided her in the street when they were working within 5 minutes of one another at Haymarket and generally not talked about her to any of her/andrew's friends.

She has spent energy, but its been in avoiding conflict because she doesn't want anything to do with Erin. Or hasn't that been obvious?

Re: Tara again

[(Anonymous)]

Obviously not considering according to Andrew's entry that the whole cause of this debacle on Saturday seemed to be coming from Meredith - Iam only going by what Andrew has written as I haven't spoken to Erin about this. So I am not the only one with the opinion that Meredith seems to be looking for an excuse to have a dig at Erin. I don't think there was a direct qoute/response about/from Erin but there were several about Meredith.

I was not meaning to abuse you at all but I just don't understand why Meredith can't deal with Erin directly - Andrew and you shouldn't have to be involved except indirectly and I think thats all Erin wants as well.

I would really love it if either Meredith or you could actually explain your problem with Erin? From what I know Erin was very fond of both of you - have had several phone calls to her whilst she was staying with you. If you could clarify the issues Meredith has with her then maybe it could be resolved and don't you think it should?