andrewducker | So sad, and yet so marketable

(A grief-stricken KING THEODEN surveys grassy mounds, peppered with white flowers, outside the walls of Edoras. GANDALF watches with great concern.)

THEODEN: Simbelmyne. Ever has it grown on the tombs of my forebears.

(GANDALF places a comforting hand on THEODEN's shoulder.)

GANDALF: And ever will it, thanks to the Miracle-Gro LiquaFeed system. (Hands him the product.)

THEODEN: (Heartened.) Really?

GANDALF: (Nodding.) With the new ready-to-use hose attachment, feeding is as easy as watering. When Theodred's spirit finds its way to the halls of your fathers, he shall look upon it with pride.

THEODEN: No parent should have to bury their child, but at least this hallowed ground will be beautiful, colorful, and lush, thanks to Miracle-Gro. (Cries bitterly.)

and

DENETHOR: Wellbutrin?

PIPPIN: Taken once daily, it can help you feel like yourself again. And there's a low risk of sexual side effects.

DENETHOR: I release you from my service. And myself, from the symptoms of clinical depression.

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