Falling out
Jan. 28th, 2004 11:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
andrewduckerA long time ago, I had a minor falling out with Rob, which now seems fairly surprising, considering how laid back we both are.
I don't remember the exact situation, save that I said something, he took it the wrong way and became upset at me, I explained that I hadn't meant that at all and we returned to getting on well. It wasn't something I said in person, and text being the multiply interperatable medium it is, it was very easy for him to take whatever it was the wrong way.
What, I seem to recall, surprised and outraged me at the time was the fact that someone who was apparently my friend, on discovering something upsetting that I'd said about him, didn't come to me for clarification before becoming upset at me.
I mean, surely, if I'm your friend, I have at least _some_ presumption of innocence? Surely you should at least say "Oi! Andy! Why did you say X?" before you decide I'm Satan?
It reminds me somewhat of the overused plot in superhero comics where Spiderman encounters The Thing in a suspicious situation and rather than asking him what's going on, assumes the worst and launches into an attack. 15 pages later it's all resolved, except that half of Manhattan's been levelled because neither of them thought to presume innocence.
There's also an old quote concerning how we should always assume stupidity over conspiracy.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, the moral is: if someone does or says something that's hurtful to you, and that person is a friend, your first reaction should be to say "You did X and this hurt me. Were you trying to hurt me, or is there a mistake?"
This will neatly short-circuit the 3 months of snubbing each other and social panic before you realise that you are, after all, friends and resume relations.
For God's sake, people, is it so hard to assume that your friends aren't deliberately out to hurt you?
I don't remember the exact situation, save that I said something, he took it the wrong way and became upset at me, I explained that I hadn't meant that at all and we returned to getting on well. It wasn't something I said in person, and text being the multiply interperatable medium it is, it was very easy for him to take whatever it was the wrong way.
What, I seem to recall, surprised and outraged me at the time was the fact that someone who was apparently my friend, on discovering something upsetting that I'd said about him, didn't come to me for clarification before becoming upset at me.
I mean, surely, if I'm your friend, I have at least _some_ presumption of innocence? Surely you should at least say "Oi! Andy! Why did you say X?" before you decide I'm Satan?
It reminds me somewhat of the overused plot in superhero comics where Spiderman encounters The Thing in a suspicious situation and rather than asking him what's going on, assumes the worst and launches into an attack. 15 pages later it's all resolved, except that half of Manhattan's been levelled because neither of them thought to presume innocence.
There's also an old quote concerning how we should always assume stupidity over conspiracy.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, the moral is: if someone does or says something that's hurtful to you, and that person is a friend, your first reaction should be to say "You did X and this hurt me. Were you trying to hurt me, or is there a mistake?"
This will neatly short-circuit the 3 months of snubbing each other and social panic before you realise that you are, after all, friends and resume relations.
For God's sake, people, is it so hard to assume that your friends aren't deliberately out to hurt you?
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no subject
Date: 2004-01-28 04:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-28 08:15 pm (UTC)-sadly yes:( but then i'm old and cynical
no subject
Date: 2004-01-29 02:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-29 09:59 am (UTC)When you're depressed, yes, it is.
Re:
Date: 2004-01-29 10:46 am (UTC)Should I for example assume that Charlotte (private ref) isn't out to get me? the way I feel at the moment if she said "Do you want sugar on that?" I would assume she was being derogatory about my weight & glare I expect.. .
no subject
Date: 2004-01-29 11:17 am (UTC)Bwahahaha
Re:
Date: 2004-01-29 11:44 am (UTC)too right, both Linda and I (and our marriage) were almost a victim to this.
One day I shall post the original email that kicked the whole "me being stalked and having my life nearly destroyed" saga off.
On a different note, sometimes people aren't the people we expect them to be - and can be easily led.
Loved the spidey metaphor tho Andy, that really appealed to my inner-geek :)