Life with two kids: Midnight pop quiz

[andrewducker]

Pop quiz:
You're woken around midnight by your 4-year-old child crying.
You go through. They tell you that they had a nightmare and don't need the toilet.
You give them a hug but they refuse to curl up and go instantly back to sleep like they usually do.
They tell you that their knee hurts because they bashed it "just now" (which you totally didn't see).
After a few minutes they fall asleep, but then wake up again 90 seconds later, crying.
And the same two minutes after that.
What do you need to do to put them back to sleep?
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Answer:
Ask them a fourth time if they need a wee, carry them downstairs to the toilet where they do a wee with a volume that you'd estimate to be larger than their body, and then slide them back into bed, as they've already fallen asleep as you were carrying them back up the stairs.

Comments

[juan_gandhi]

❤️

[simont]

This reminds me of a time when I was a student, and a friend rang my doorbell in the middle of the night.

She'd gone out for some evening event, leaving her room key with me. (I don't remember why; maybe she was wearing a dress with no pockets or some such.) It turned out she stayed out later than expected, so instead of waiting up, I went to bed anyway, expecting (rightly) that the doorbell would wake me when she did get back.

The doorbell rang. I got out of bed, picked up her key, went to the door, and gave it back to her.

"Did I wake you?" she asked, after a look at my general expression.

"No," I replied, completely inaccurately, and went back to bed.

Why did I say no? It was not an intentional white lie to save her feelings. It was, quite simply, because I was too sleepy to determine the correct answer to her very easy question!

[andrewducker]

Which is totally fair. I don't think Gideon really woke up enough to answer the question properly either.

[calimac]

To "Did I wake you?" I would have, assuming my grogginess was not too great to think of this, replied, "No, I had to get up to answer the doorbell anyway."

[simont]

That would have been excellent, but if I was not awake enough to get the right one of "yes" and "no" I certainly was not awake enough to think of that!

I have to assume the only reason I was able to bring the key to the door was that I'd planned that part before going to bed, and was able to follow my pre-prepared plan. Only original thought caused me trouble, like answering a question.

[armiphlage]

There's an Australian show for dogs that our puppies like, with a bit that might be good for your kidlings:


Bluey S01E08 Fruitbat.

Bingo: Even though I don't really need to do a wee, I'm going to do one anyway, otherwise I might wet the bed.

Bandit: That's very clever, Bingo.

Bingo: It's called a tactical wee.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ3brbAr4BY

[andrewducker]

They have seen *all* of Bluey.

And Sophia regularly uses the phrase tactical wee :⁠-⁠)

(But thank you, I appreciate the thought)

[threemeninaboat]

I have a Bingo and she has only incorrectly weed when she was sooooooooooo high after being spayed.

We show her Bluey so she can connect with her culture.

[armiphlage]

I shall use that to explain why our puppies watch it.

[cellio]

"Tactical wee" -- laugh

[fanf]

As well as cuddling and transporting the child to the toilet, I tried to defuse nightmares by explaining that they are invariably just your body waking you up to go to the loo, and it’s being an arsehole by waking you up in a horrible manner. Bodies, eh?

[andrewducker]

That's an excellent suggestion. I'll try that one.

[calimac]

I have found by tough experience that thinking "No, I don't have to wee" is immediately followed by regret when it's too late to change my mind (e.g. going off on a car ride, sitting down for a concert), so I've learned to go anyway. But that's the sort of internal self-knowledge that a 4-year-old can't be expected to have acquired.

[andrewducker]

Absoutely. Normally he's pretty good with this. And Sophia is great - she takes herself off for a tactical wee regularly. But they aren't going to be perfect.

[fanf]

That is what we call a “secret wee” and the routine before leaving the house is to make sure everyone has discharged their secret wee even if they don’t think they need to (how could they, the wee is hiding secretively).

Dunno if a secret wee is different from a Bluey tactical wee 🤔

[simont]

They're opposite sides of the same thing, aren't they? The purpose of a tactical wee is to (ahem) flush the secret wee out of cover.

[azurelunatic]

Small children always need the toilet. It is known.