Poking and prodding

[andrewducker]

I'm not good with people. Well, I am in some ways. I don't tend to judge, which means people feel more comfortable unburdening to me, which is good. But my lack of empathy means that I don't tend to think about the effect that what I'm saying has on others. A few times recently I've taken something people have said, generalised it and posted something about it on my journal. I'd just like to say that I've never intended this to offend anyone - it's always because the ideas behind it fascinate me and I want to either examine them or get feedback from others about their opinions.

If I take your personal, private life and poke it back at you on my journal and you don't like it, for goodness sake tell me. I'm not promising to take things down, but I'm very happy to at least look at what I've done and try to make things less offensive.

Comments

[kimberly-a.livejournal.com]

I hope I didn't give the impression that I was offended by anything you've written that related to me. I'm easily hurt, but not easily offended. Mostly, you've just made me think.

[kpollock.livejournal.com]

:-) I've been there (not in journal really but in life)

You are looking for the rules/patttern/logic behind social interactions, it seems (as I do, as is natural to people with a certain type of mind). E.g. seeking a general rule that explains a set of more specific behaviours.

Most people don't do this. Most people just think 'it's obvious' and rarely question their social reactions. Some (most?) people are actually very hostile to any attempt to deduce the underlying rules and motives, indeed deny vehemently that they exist (in my unhappy personal experience).

In short, everybody starts off assuming that everybody else is pretty much like them. This works well when you are near the 'mean' (for your society, though at base most human societies are the same, just the 'rituals' differ) and less well the further out you actually are.

I consider the emotional/intellectual effect (Obviously i'm ignoring any purely physical thing, like shoving them or something) my actions have on others to be their 'problem'. After all, their thoughts and emotions are a product of their mind, not mine. They decide how to act upon them, not me.

[andrewducker]

I consider the emotional/intellectual effect my actions have on others to be their 'problem'. After all, their thoughts and emotions are a product of their mind, not mine. They decide how to act upon them, not me.

Well, in some ways yes. In other ways I don't want to upset people I like. So it is my problem.

[kpollock.livejournal.com]

Whereas I'm not that bothered about upsetting people (whether I like them or not). My actions might depend upon what actions they are likely to take and how much it affects me, but not really on their emotional response. I mostly don't care if I piss someone off as long as they they don't hit me and they eventually get over it. If they don't get over it then I can't be doing with them anyway. I'm not deliberately hurting people (as I've been accused of), it's just that they aren't as important to me as me (and to me this seems obvious and right, they should be like that too!). I go by people's actions - this is the end point of their decision making process, I don't need to know the details.

Conversely, it doesn't matter what I feel or what I say, it's what I do that counts! E.g. if I complain but do it, then the whinging doesn't matter, I've weighed it up and decided to do it.

I can't imagine doing something I didn't want to just to please other people. I can't imagine anybody not expressing an opinion if they are pissed off (in varying degrees of politeness depending on circumstance, but always obvious).

Apprarently, I'm strange... can't see it myself :-)

[aberbotimue.livejournal.com]

oh, oh...

me, me

poke me, poke me