One thing that I've spent a lot of time thinking about is how much to change for other people, and how much to expect them to change for me.
On the one hand, I've spent a lot of time trying to be me, getting over the unpleasant bullying I put up with from the ages of 11-17, the general societal emphasis to conform, etc. Nowadays, I'm very happy being me (in general - I'm no more perfect than the next person), and the last thing I want to do is try and pretend to be someone else.
On the other hand, the last thing I want to do is upset the people I care about. I like having friends, and the last thing I want to do is drive them away.
The observant amongst you will have noticed that there are two "last things" there, which leaves me with a conflict. And as usual, when dealing with those terribly frustrating things that we in the industry call "people", the answer tends to be a very fuzzy and personal one.
That is, I have to weigh up how much I'm willing to change myself, versus how much I'm willing to offend someone. When you look at it that way, it's not surprising that most people stick to "their own kind", spending time with people with similar values.
I've been discussing this recently, and found a variety of attitudes, from the hard-core libertarian "I'll do whatever I like, people should just put up with it or leave." to the hard-core political-correctness of "If you care about me then you wouldn't do these things that hurt me." To be honest, I find both of these attitudes rather dogmatic and unlikely to work well when faced with the complexities of life.
Instead, I find myself walking a balancing act, deciding what values are important to me, which ones I'm willing to compromise, and how much by. Some of it falls under simple, general, politeness - I try to avoid swearing in front of a fair chunk of the population, for instance. I avoid spoilers in front of most people, but I make a special effort in front of Guy, because I know he hates them. I don't wave pictures of crustaceans at Ed. I don't wave pictures of spiders at Julie (and I'd like to hope that you wouldn't wave them at me). On the other hand, I'm not about to take up going to football matches, or watching Hollyoaks for anyone - nor am I going to change the way I dress, outside of the occasional specific situation.
Every case is an instance by itself. Balance, balance, balance.
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Poll #1204346]
