Feeling the need to say _something_

[andrewducker]

I just got unfriended by someone who's been on my friends list since, ooh, 2001.

When I first joined LJ I added a whole bunch of people I didn't know, anyone whose journal interested me, anyone who seemed like they might be a friend, if only they lived in the same place I did.

And then, over time, as more local friends filled up my friends pages, some of these people got moved off of my commonly viewed friends pages. They never vanished entirely, and I'd check in on them occasionally, but I don't spend _all_ my time online, and there was no way I could keep up with everyone on my friends list and ever leave the flat.

But it seemed churlish to remove people who had been reading me all that time - even if they weren't actually reading me back either (and I had no real way of telling). I almost never write friends-only, but I felt that preventing perfectly decent people from reading the posts that were filtered purely to prevent work/parents from reading them was a bit churlish. And so they sit there, largely unread, largely uncommenting.

Part of me feels like having a clear out, and reducing my friends list down to people that either _are_ friends, or are actually read by me on a regular basis.

Part of me thinks that I shouldn't make that decision tonight.

Comments

[flickgc.livejournal.com]

I'm fairly sure that I can't be the only person on LJ who actively doesn't believe in using a default view for reading: if you're on my FL, I read your LJ; if you aren't, I don't. I don't really understand the idea that you keep people on your FL but don' read them (it's ok, though: half my FL regularly tells me how wrong I am on the subject).

That said, there are some people on my FL who've been there for years and years. Some of them I no longer have anything at all in common with, and I do occasionally think aout ditching them, but I never seem to get around to it....

[poisonduk.livejournal.com]

You could consolidate a bit and make your life easier. I always read you and never bother with default views and filters but I don't have that many friends.

[miss-s-b.livejournal.com]

I generally have a big purge every 6 months or so. People tend to be understanding. I always flag it up in advance.

[onceupon.livejournal.com]

I think waiting on that decision is probably wise - I try to be very "put the letter in the drawer" about things like this.

It's interesting - I don't recall the exact point at which we became friends. I do miss our email correspondence about books, but I also realize that our lives, in the intervening years, have gotten considerably busier! I find myself reading but not often commenting and I have no idea if you read my journal at all.

It's so strange, the connections we make here and the way those connections shift.

I think I will have another glass of wine.

[astartesyriaca.livejournal.com]

I enjoy reading your journal, although I don't comment much. Mostly because I don't know you, and you do seem to have a strong network of friends here. But I enjoy your links, and oddly enough, enjoy the posts about you and your Lady, because I think that is the way love should be, and it is nice to see that lovely people have that.

I think I friended you because you were a gamer, and at the time I was looking for people I could potentially play with. I miss gaming, but as I am writing a PhD, I don't really have the time. So it isn't anything I've ever been so bold to ask about, and it seems you've been a bit busy for that, too.

Anyway, that is a bit of a ramble to say that although I'm not very vocal, I enjoy reading.

[onceupon.livejournal.com]

I read everyone who's on my friends list. I get behind sometimes but I don't see the point in friending someone who doesn't interest me on some level! So, you aren't alone.

[lilitufire.livejournal.com]

No, I do this too. I do admit to different skimming speeds though!

[sterlingspider.livejournal.com]

I read everyone. Everyone that's a discrete person at least (if I had to keep up with all my communities... yai!)

Sure there are some people I read with a little less probing depth, but I still take the time to at least get the gist of what they are saying and will focus in if it seems like something is going on.

[marrog.livejournal.com]

I do this too - I do have a filter, but it's for a set of people I'm friends with through a specific interest and they're still on my main (ie completely unfiltered) view - it's just a way to see just their posts when I need to.

[seph-hazard.livejournal.com]

Though I do read everyone on my flist (I think - I have filters set up so that I can split up different groups and sometimes people fall through the gap, but it's not intentional) the best argument for this is probably that there is a difference between having the time/energy/whatever to read someone's journal and minding weather or not they can read yours. I can certainly imagine not being arsed to read someone because they annoy me or whatever but not minding that they can see my (entirely flocked) journal if they want to.

[chipuni.livejournal.com]

Remember that this is your journal. You have the right to kick people out without a reason -- and other readers have the right to stop reading you.

I'm sorry that your reader didn't give a comment.

[sneakingyoda.livejournal.com]

Ah! I see!

But the real question is, If you put a Jawa and an Ewok in a closed room with 50 strange droids, that wear storm trooper helmets, which one will dismantle or use the droids for personal amusement the fastest? Please do account for height, weight, and relative walking speed and give me a complete answer in- oh, the next five minutes? Thanks.

~Elaine

[sneakingyoda.livejournal.com]

Oops, in an unrelated note- I had no intention of replying to your reply. Even though that makes my reply that much more amusing.

[chipuni.livejournal.com]

In the time that you wrote that message, the Jawa has already stripped the strange droids of all sale-able parts and sold them to the Ferengi.

The Ewok would be too busy dancing and holding drinking contests with the Yeti that somehow entered the room.

[awdrey-gore.livejournal.com]

I seldom comment on the entries of yours that I read. What with all the bad pharmacology and attempts at leading a semi-normal life, I seldom comment in anyone's journal. I hope no one takes it personally. But I do read - every time I come here to make an entry I read up on my friends list, but then again, mine is smaller than yours.

But I warn you: Even if you do end up cutting some of the more aloof readers, or those not on the default list and I am in their number, you're still staying on my friend-list. Like you said, you seldom post f-only, so it won't be any skin off my nose if I am cut. I'll still get to read you. Do what you have to do to make your journal what you want it to be.

[likeneontubing.livejournal.com]

I'm the same as most of the folk up top there, in that I always read my f-list, but recently had a clear out because I *didn't* like the idea of someone having access to my journal if they didn't post themselves. It was mostly the lurkers and the quiet journals I took off really.

I think I'm mostly against filters, although I can understand why you would need them given your situation.

[shannon_a]

The decision to call it a "friends" list instead of a "reading" list has caused people to put entirely too much emotion into who's on what list.

[lebeautemps.livejournal.com]

I read my flist entries daily but am not a great commenter. It doesn't mean that the posts are not enjoyed or appreciated. I learned this lesson earlier this year. Does it show on LJ Toys that someone has read your post through their default flist or does it only register those who have deliberately gone to your journal's homepages?

I agree with all the sentiment from the previous commenters - and it is YOUR journal, so YOUR flist to do with as you will.

[andrewducker]

I've got 527 feeds, communities and people on my flist. And there's no way I can read them all without removing a chunk of those.

I think a minor pruning is in order - but even that's not going to mean I can read them all all the time. I just don't have enough hours in the day.

[drjon.livejournal.com]

Blarg. I read everything. That can be the downside.

[zz]

I just read my default view, skimming over things that don't interest me. But then I spend most of my waking life in front of the internet, so there aren't that many new entries between refreshes.

Very occasionally I'll use ?show=P|C|Y.

(I appear to have clicked the wrong "reply" link.. :)

[broin.livejournal.com]

Indeed!

In much the same way, it'd be nice to corral groups on Facebook so not everyone had to read I had a cold, say.

[andrewducker]

You can have friends groups in facebook - but I think it's just for stuff like inviting people to events, or sending messages. Your status is entirely public.

[ashfae.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't see you often in person, but I'm very fond of your entries.

[palmer1984.livejournal.com]

When my flist gets out of hand, I'll just set up custom groups so I can read a smaller group.

I like being in "friendly contact" with lots of people, and leaving them on my flist seems a way to sustain this!

[wolflady26.livejournal.com]

I usually don't filter, but lately I've been noticing that I scroll past a whole lot of entries, and I don't really have time. I'm also considering whether I should cut or start a filtered view. Filtering seems so... dishonest, though.

[daisyflip.livejournal.com]

I have only about seven friends on LJ. You are by far the most prolific poster, and your journal has been a very satisfactory procrastination method on many busy days. I know that doesn't help. Maybe start again, under a new identity. Leave andrewducker behind, tell everyone he died then start a new, uncluttered life in Cuba.

You is welcome.

[andrewducker]

I drop in on your journal intermittently, but it's not on my daily reading list any more - for reasons that are due largely with lack of time.

And yeah - I miss email correspondence with a multitude of people, you included.

I've made a decision about LJ, which I'll post shortly, and it's largely down to people like you - and the thought that if I was going to be in your part of the world, or vice versa, I'd love to meet and catch up.