I have news for you

[andrewducker]

If I know you well, and we've spent any significant time together, then you have almost certainly pissed me off.

Maybe not in a serious way. And maybe not over anything important. But you have either let me down, or expected too much, or said something I disapproved of, or treated someone badly, or changed plans on me at the last minute, or insulted me, or overreacted to something trivial, or committed some other minor crime.

It is highly likely that at some point later that day I will have turned to some other friend and said "Goddamn, today I was talking to X and you will not believe what they did!"

Yup. That's right. I will have bitched about you behind your back.

Not only that, but it's almost certain that the person I was talking to will then have reciprocated along the lines of "I know! They did the same thing to Y just the other day!"

Yes - it's worse than you thought - _all_ of your friends bitch about you behind your back.

And there's fuck all you can do about it.

Not that you should care. Because you do it too. We all do it. Every single one of us.

Which leaves me fucking _baffled_ why people would act surprised, shocked and hurt that their friends would invade their privacy by talking about them when they aren't there. Or feel that because their friends bitch about them they aren't _really_ their friends. Of course we are - if we didn't care about you then we wouldn't care what you did - and we certainly wouldn't expend energy on bitching about you.

We bitch because you're human - and that means that now and again you suck. We bitch because we need a release - to let out the stresses that occur in any relationship.

We bitch because we care.

==
I wonder how many people think this is directly aimed at them...

Comments

[fjm.livejournal.com]

Many years ago I once had to explain this to a friend. The short form goes:

"Enemies bitch about you to people who can use the information to harm you. Friends bitch about you to mutual friends who love you."


However, having said that: there is a difference between what you describe and one or two people I know who seem to arrive at events with a list of people to bitch about, and work through it.

[captainlucy.livejournal.com]

Oh, you fiend! How could you!!!
*goez off for an emo mope*
;)

[atreic.livejournal.com]

*grins*

Well said, that man!

[celiaka.livejournal.com]

I wonder how many people think that this isn't aimed at them.

[andrewducker]

Well, you, I'd imagine :->

[guyinahat.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I might have bitched somewhat about you too...
Though it does depend to a certain degree on what you are saying.

[zz]

this is one of the reasons i can't watch big brother any more. banal contestants are fine, but irrational ones with, despite taking part in a social experiment, less social understanding than *me*, are intolerable.

[joexnz.livejournal.com]

oh thats an awesome post can i steal it?

[andrewducker]

Of course you can - so long as you let them know where you got it :->

[poisonduk.livejournal.com]

Hey we all survive on bitching - it's our way of expressing love.

Nice to see that you're missing Julie so much you feel the need to fill my friends page today!!

I am sooooooo ill - you should have come to the pub after work last night and saved me from myself!! I will be the talk of the dept on Monday I expect.

[neferet.livejournal.com]

Incredibly well said.
I have to say though, I'm not baffled as to why people can react badly if they find someone has been venting behind their back, so to speak. Most of the time, you bitch to let of steam, and it's forgotten about. But sometimes your choice in person to bitch with may be poorly placed, or you rant may be misconstrued, or touch another sore spot....and all of a sudden your therapeutic vent about your friend has grown legs, run off and bit them in the arse. Am using 'you' in a non-person-specific manner, of course. It's like being kicked by a horse; You know the horse doesn't mean it, but you can still get upset with the horse if you think it might kick you again. If that makes sense.

Hmm, that's assuming of course the friend is upset merely at the fact they've found out you've had a good old bitch about them, and are not actually just upset that you didn't feel you could raise the matter with them to face...

[accordingly.livejournal.com]

I'd be more upset if people didn't talk about me behind my back, good or bad :)

[swgaines.livejournal.com]

dude, that was awesome

[channelpenguin.livejournal.com]

I honestly can't ever recall bitching about you (but that could be senility) I could try harder in future if you like :-).

When I was young, I longed to have enough status to be talked about behind my back!

I think maybe a lot of 'nasty' bitching is defensive, pointing up other's imperfections in order to distract from one's own. 'Kindly' bitching I see as driven by the desire for harmony - trying to eliminate those behaviours that cause conflict/unhappiness/disruption.

[khbrown.livejournal.com]

"There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."

- Oscar Wilde

[girl-onthego.livejournal.com]

I have an argument about this but I don't have the time or brain capacity to post it just now, so if you remind me I'll try to say more later, basically my feeling is that if my friends are bitching about me behind my back, then they really ought to be bitching about me to my face, so I can figure out whether I think their complaint is valid, and if it is, change something so we can be better friends, and if it isn't, I can tell them to get over it because if they want to be my friend that's how it is. :)

[andrewducker]

As you seem to have presented your argument here...

We're probably bitching about the latter things. Where you are just being who you are, and that's how it is. And we're willing to put up with you doing those things. But we're still going to bitch about them. Because they're a pain in the arse.

[taromazzy.livejournal.com]

You bastard!
Everything I 've ever said to other people about you IS true!
;-)


heehee