andrewducker | (no subject)

I meet a guy, usually under benign circumstances, and we become "friends," we hang out, we go to dinner, movies, we have the conversations about our feelings on the opposite sex without directly talking about how we feel about each other. The relationship goes like this long enough so that I get comfortable, I think, Cool, I have a new friend. I don't think he's interested in being more than my friend, because if he was he would have tried to kiss me, offered to buy me dinner, done something that was more than just friendly. Sure, some part of me secretly wonders why. We're both single, attractive adults, but I'm happy having a new friend who won't talk in the middle of movies and will listen to my stories.

Then it happens, it always happens. Maybe there's too much beer involved; maybe, as in the latest case, there's too little electricity -- whatever. He makes his move. It doesn't matter whether I end up making out with him or I say something along the lines of I'd rather preserve our friendship, because right then, the friendship is over. It never turns into that romantic-comedy mushy romance of my lifetime crap. Either I call too much after that because I still think we're friends or, horror of horrors, I might be hoping that there was more to this than a one-night stand and he thinks I'm being clingy or he gets clingy or I hurt his ego or whatever. It never works out; we never can remain friends.

Observations from the crowd?

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Sex w/o love has always seemed fairly meaningless to me and also sex (for me at least) is always far better after one is experienced at doing it with someone, otherwise I have far less of a clue about how they react, they have far less of a clue how I react, and in general the whole thing is less enjoyable. IME, there are exceptions, but they are rare.

Sex w/o love has always seemed fairly meaningless to me

Pleasure is never meaningless to me. There are things that are better than pleasure, but pleasure is a definite good in itself, worth experiencing for its own sake. A bar of Valrhona milk chocolate, 41% cocoa solids, is 8 oz of pleasure for its own sake: as is (or can be) a one-night stand.

sex (for me at least) is always far better after one is experienced at doing it with someone

Sex can be good with a partner who knows you and you know her: it can also be lousy. Sex can be good with a partner who you never met before: it can also be lousy. Good or bad sex depends on so many factors. I'm not disagreeing with you that supremely good sex happens when both of you know and care about the other one: just that this is not the only way to have good sex.