andrewducker | (no subject)

I meet a guy, usually under benign circumstances, and we become "friends," we hang out, we go to dinner, movies, we have the conversations about our feelings on the opposite sex without directly talking about how we feel about each other. The relationship goes like this long enough so that I get comfortable, I think, Cool, I have a new friend. I don't think he's interested in being more than my friend, because if he was he would have tried to kiss me, offered to buy me dinner, done something that was more than just friendly. Sure, some part of me secretly wonders why. We're both single, attractive adults, but I'm happy having a new friend who won't talk in the middle of movies and will listen to my stories.

Then it happens, it always happens. Maybe there's too much beer involved; maybe, as in the latest case, there's too little electricity -- whatever. He makes his move. It doesn't matter whether I end up making out with him or I say something along the lines of I'd rather preserve our friendship, because right then, the friendship is over. It never turns into that romantic-comedy mushy romance of my lifetime crap. Either I call too much after that because I still think we're friends or, horror of horrors, I might be hoping that there was more to this than a one-night stand and he thinks I'm being clingy or he gets clingy or I hurt his ego or whatever. It never works out; we never can remain friends.

Observations from the crowd?

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I've had both good friendships that evolved into good relationships and male friends that I knew had a crush on me but who also knew that I wasn't interested in more than friendship with them. It does make things a bit awkward for a bit if a male friend makes an advance and gets rebuffed, but with a little bit of tact it can be smoothed over.

I even had a male friend who totally spooked me out one time by making advances on me kinda forcefully after he broke up with his girlfriend, but even though I was quite literally scared for my safety that night, we remained friends afterwards.

My husband was my friend for about a year and a half before we dated, and my ex, who I dated for five years, was my friend for about three years previously.

So, to sum it all up, my opinion is that it can happen that romantic feelings can mess up a friendship, but they don't have to. And that if you are friends with a girl and want it to go farther, get up the nerve to tell her without making it a huge deal (Hey, Blah, do you think it would be weird if we went out on a date some time?) and accept it with good grace if she just wants to be friends.