andrewducker | (no subject)

I meet a guy, usually under benign circumstances, and we become "friends," we hang out, we go to dinner, movies, we have the conversations about our feelings on the opposite sex without directly talking about how we feel about each other. The relationship goes like this long enough so that I get comfortable, I think, Cool, I have a new friend. I don't think he's interested in being more than my friend, because if he was he would have tried to kiss me, offered to buy me dinner, done something that was more than just friendly. Sure, some part of me secretly wonders why. We're both single, attractive adults, but I'm happy having a new friend who won't talk in the middle of movies and will listen to my stories.

Then it happens, it always happens. Maybe there's too much beer involved; maybe, as in the latest case, there's too little electricity -- whatever. He makes his move. It doesn't matter whether I end up making out with him or I say something along the lines of I'd rather preserve our friendship, because right then, the friendship is over. It never turns into that romantic-comedy mushy romance of my lifetime crap. Either I call too much after that because I still think we're friends or, horror of horrors, I might be hoping that there was more to this than a one-night stand and he thinks I'm being clingy or he gets clingy or I hurt his ego or whatever. It never works out; we never can remain friends.

Observations from the crowd?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sometimes it's possible to remain friends after a one-night stand, but it takes a bit of negotiation, and, importantly, non-fragile egos on both sides.

Both parties need to be able to deal with the fact that they are not being chosen as a longer term partner, and that can be hard to deal with, even when it's somebody you know isn't right for you.
Rejection still hurts, even if you know it's for the best in the long run, and you have to get past that pain before you can be friends again properly.

Good point - it takes self-confidence on both parts, which is rare. At least, very few of my friends seem to have much in the way of it.

Maybe I just know too many goths...

That might be it.

I, on the other hand, have an ego the size of the planet and can cope with anything :-)

Excellently put.

I think if you can persevere it's often worth it. There's nothing like the comfort of being comfortable with an ex, in my opinion. All that potential sexual attraction opened up, played with, dealt with, well in the past, and you can just get on with the rest of your lives.

Heh - I got married to my second-ever one night stand.

Never did get the hang of that one night stand thing....