andrewducker | (no subject)

I meet a guy, usually under benign circumstances, and we become "friends," we hang out, we go to dinner, movies, we have the conversations about our feelings on the opposite sex without directly talking about how we feel about each other. The relationship goes like this long enough so that I get comfortable, I think, Cool, I have a new friend. I don't think he's interested in being more than my friend, because if he was he would have tried to kiss me, offered to buy me dinner, done something that was more than just friendly. Sure, some part of me secretly wonders why. We're both single, attractive adults, but I'm happy having a new friend who won't talk in the middle of movies and will listen to my stories.

Then it happens, it always happens. Maybe there's too much beer involved; maybe, as in the latest case, there's too little electricity -- whatever. He makes his move. It doesn't matter whether I end up making out with him or I say something along the lines of I'd rather preserve our friendship, because right then, the friendship is over. It never turns into that romantic-comedy mushy romance of my lifetime crap. Either I call too much after that because I still think we're friends or, horror of horrors, I might be hoping that there was more to this than a one-night stand and he thinks I'm being clingy or he gets clingy or I hurt his ego or whatever. It never works out; we never can remain friends.

Observations from the crowd?

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True, but maybe it's a guy/girl thing. Guy's feel the need to conceal the way they feel to avoid driving off the women. Eventually the feelings can't be supressed any more and then everything changes.

But why does everything have to change? Maybe it's because of how I view sex and trust, the act reinforcing the feeling; it doesn't have to mean more than that, though it can. But I don't understand why it always has to be such a... Big Important Thing. Sex shouldn't be done lightly or without proper forethought of why, but that doesn't mean it can't be for simple fun and joy and laughter.

- ES

PS: I read your posts through ArkhamRefugee's friends-list, as a placer. :)

I'd tend to agree with you - people should definitely think before they act, and realise that their actions have consequences. But it can all still be fun.

We do?

No one told me that I was supposed to do that...

Sigh. Since when were you even slightly a typical guy?

I hope I'm not a typical guy. The human race is doomed if I am.

Or, of course, it's the feelings themselves that change. Guys, frankly, operate on two base levels - immediate "wanna fuck" physical attraction, and then something deeper that involves trust and understanding.

Sometimes, when the first isn't there, they enter into a frienship with a girl who is undoubtedly incredibly nice and easy to get on with, little realising that the 'something deeper' lurks just round the corner.

It's like a little switch inside us, that suddenly, with no warning, gets flicked, and all of a sudden we're thinking "Hey, she rocks, she laughs at my jokes, we spend loads of comfortable time together and lets face it, she's incredibly, femininely cute - why the hell aren't we sleeping together?"

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. That's what makes it so fun!