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Trying to take control
Feb. 3rd, 2002 08:17 pmYesterday I started trying to document the current situation between Gordon and Joe, the whole roleplaying situation and how we'd got to the current godawful situation.
I spent about 45 minutes talking to Gordon on MSN and saved a copy of the chat to use as reference, grabbed emails from everyone and generally started working it all together.
And then I had to leave it so that I could head through to Edinburgh and see Gosford Park (which is recommended, by the way).
Today, on the train back, I realised that the reason I was doing this was purely to calm my stress at the whole situation. I mean, theoretically I could lay it out and Joe/Gordon could both look at it, see the other one's point of view, take a deep breath and get along again. On the other hand, monkey's could fly out of my butt.
I realised it was just part of the ongoing fascination with science and deconstruction/construction that comes from lacking any control over my life when I was young. I fell in love with computers because I could make them do what I wanted, I loved science because it made a freaky world seem comprehensible.
I wanted to take apart the whole situation and see what made it tick, because once people understand where the problem comes from, they'll understand that the anger they've attached to it isn't really reasonable, won't they?
The answer is, of course, no. I mean, I mostly do. I very, very rarely get angry and I'm never angry at people who aren't being malicious. But most people really aren't like that, and thus putting the explanation up would either be neutral in value to me, or in fact anger the people involved (both of whom are good friends).
So I'm not going to stick it up at the moment. If I do, it'll be up as private, and done for my own amusement only. If anyone actually wants to read it, either email me, or stick in a comment here and I'll give you access.
I spent about 45 minutes talking to Gordon on MSN and saved a copy of the chat to use as reference, grabbed emails from everyone and generally started working it all together.
And then I had to leave it so that I could head through to Edinburgh and see Gosford Park (which is recommended, by the way).
Today, on the train back, I realised that the reason I was doing this was purely to calm my stress at the whole situation. I mean, theoretically I could lay it out and Joe/Gordon could both look at it, see the other one's point of view, take a deep breath and get along again. On the other hand, monkey's could fly out of my butt.
I realised it was just part of the ongoing fascination with science and deconstruction/construction that comes from lacking any control over my life when I was young. I fell in love with computers because I could make them do what I wanted, I loved science because it made a freaky world seem comprehensible.
I wanted to take apart the whole situation and see what made it tick, because once people understand where the problem comes from, they'll understand that the anger they've attached to it isn't really reasonable, won't they?
The answer is, of course, no. I mean, I mostly do. I very, very rarely get angry and I'm never angry at people who aren't being malicious. But most people really aren't like that, and thus putting the explanation up would either be neutral in value to me, or in fact anger the people involved (both of whom are good friends).
So I'm not going to stick it up at the moment. If I do, it'll be up as private, and done for my own amusement only. If anyone actually wants to read it, either email me, or stick in a comment here and I'll give you access.
