The world can't live up to my idealism

[andrewducker]

Way back in June I posted a poll asking whether people were satisfied with life. I meant to post something a few days later explaining why I wasn't - but as usual life intervened. I never seemed to be in the right mood to write about _why_ I'm not satisfied with life. Because I'm fundamentally not.

Which isn't to say that I can't enjoy life (I do, a lot of the time) or be happy (I am, a lot of the time) - it's just that underlying it all is the knowledge that real, actual, physical life doesn't live up to my idealised feeling of how life should be. I'm an idealist at heart - I _know_ how life should be, and I'm disappointed when the realities and complexities of actual life differ from that. Reality feels like a busted wonder, a badly specified system, a brain-damaged genius - there are occasional flashes of how it should be, and a lot of the time you can see the sheer beauty of which it's capable, but there's always a niggling feeling of failure wrapped up in it. The world should have magic around every corner, and no matter how wonderful the things in it are they just don't live up to that.

And I also know that this attitude isn't reasonable, or logical - the world is what it is, and being disappointed because it fundamentally differs from how I'd like it to doesn't help in any way. But this isn't logical - it's pure emotion, and not something I've ever found a way of dealing with. Not that it bothers me much 99% of the time - and not at all 95% of it. But occasionally, when I get into a black mood, I'm reminded of it - and that no matter what, I'm never completely satisfied with the world.

Comments

[lizzie-and-ari.livejournal.com]

There is no such thing as subjectivity when it comes to your experience of life.

What you're looking for is a feeling - therefore instrinsically subjective. Perhaps looking for objectivity is where you're going wrong?

By the way, channelpenguin (was desparately trying to remember how to do the format thing but fuck it), I don't know who you are but I like you. You are managing to say some of the stuff I was trying to say but in a much more articulate manner.

Lxxx

Lxxx

[andrewducker]

There is no such thing as subjectivity when it comes to your experience of life.
Did you mean "objectivity" in that sentence?

Perhaps looking for objectivity is where you're going wrong?
No perhaps about it. It's _exactly_ where I'm going wrong.

Channelpenguin was at my party - female, medium length hair, wearing a black top, IIRC. Passed out reasonably early, so you might not have seen her much.

[lizzie-and-ari.livejournal.com]

Yes I did mean objectivity. Sorry. That's what I get for pissing about on LJ in a secret way when I should be working.

Lxxx

[lizzie-and-ari.livejournal.com]

Also elecicant who I thought was the same person.

[andrewducker]

ElectricAnt is also lovely - but sadly departing for Australia in a couple of weeks time - for two years.

[lizzie-and-ari.livejournal.com]

Well that's a shame. Hope s/he goes to the nice bits. And again, I was trying to type electricant, cam out a bit squoobled. (I like making up my own words cos then I can't get them wrong)

Lx

[andrewducker]

And let's face it, squooble is a perfectly cromulent word.

[channelpenguin.livejournal.com]

thanks! I thought it might be coming over as semi-mystical twaddle (a valid subjective interpretation no doubt). I'm Kirsty if you have ever met me, and Andy and I have been having these sorts of conversations on and off for *censored* years.

I used to be very hung up on objectivity, would you believe.