The world can't live up to my idealism

[andrewducker]

Way back in June I posted a poll asking whether people were satisfied with life. I meant to post something a few days later explaining why I wasn't - but as usual life intervened. I never seemed to be in the right mood to write about _why_ I'm not satisfied with life. Because I'm fundamentally not.

Which isn't to say that I can't enjoy life (I do, a lot of the time) or be happy (I am, a lot of the time) - it's just that underlying it all is the knowledge that real, actual, physical life doesn't live up to my idealised feeling of how life should be. I'm an idealist at heart - I _know_ how life should be, and I'm disappointed when the realities and complexities of actual life differ from that. Reality feels like a busted wonder, a badly specified system, a brain-damaged genius - there are occasional flashes of how it should be, and a lot of the time you can see the sheer beauty of which it's capable, but there's always a niggling feeling of failure wrapped up in it. The world should have magic around every corner, and no matter how wonderful the things in it are they just don't live up to that.

And I also know that this attitude isn't reasonable, or logical - the world is what it is, and being disappointed because it fundamentally differs from how I'd like it to doesn't help in any way. But this isn't logical - it's pure emotion, and not something I've ever found a way of dealing with. Not that it bothers me much 99% of the time - and not at all 95% of it. But occasionally, when I get into a black mood, I'm reminded of it - and that no matter what, I'm never completely satisfied with the world.

Comments

[lizzie-and-ari.livejournal.com]

I disagree that life cannot be perfect - I think all life is in a constant evolving state of perfection - which is to say it will be perfect at one minute, and the next minute perfect thought utterly different.

The reason for this is balance - we are greedy and want perfection in everything we strive for and strive for many different things at once, whereas often you life will be focused in one different area .

I am very blessed and (99% of the time, Black Descensions notwithstanding etc)cannot imagine a better life than I have now. I can imagine certain elements being more ideal, but am confident that this is part of the flux, and part of growing and that they will be. Were I to have more money, more talent, flawless relationships, more time, more respect, etc etc there would be nothing left to do and I wouldn't know how to spend my days - other than creating even more of these things, which means that state would not be perfect.

Anyway, I say that not to brag - I appreciate that whatever metaphysical arguments you put on it, some states people experience are bad states - but wondered if you - or any of the others so dissatisfied with life - have reasons. My method in life is to identify things that I want and work out the best ways of getting them. This can take days, months or years, but the feeling that you are on the path can often be what provides the satisfaction in itself. This has always seemed self evident to me but as I go through life I meet more and more people who are doing jobs they are only satisfied with because they are good at them, hate where they live but they've always lived there so they carry on, and continue to buy eggs; when secretly they want to run off to Poland, live in a caravan and find new types of lace whilst living on sauerkraut. Or, you know, less extreme examples, but any variation on a genuine 'I'd love to do...x y or z' with no intention of ever doing it.

Essentially, people seem to strive towards satisfaction and stop when they have it, but being satisfied isn't actually good enough.

Anyway, sorry. They're just my thoughts today. I'm going to have to go look at shoes or something else incredibly shallow to make up for that long wankiness which may or may not make sense to any other human being.

Lxxx

[andrewducker]

I think all life is in a constant evolving state of perfection - which is to say it will be perfect at one minute, and the next minute perfect thought utterly different.

We clearly differ over definitions of perfection. I'm talking about pure transcendence and joy - the kind of thing that heaven is theoretically supposed to represent, and which actual material things can never live up to, no matter how great they are.

I am actually very happy with my job at the mo - it's pretty much as good as jobs get for me - and the annoyances that crop up in it are more minor than at any previous one. Not everything in my life is as great, but it's mostly at least in the "pretty darn good" stage.

And don't ever apologise for waxing lyrical in my journal again, or I'll hit you with sticks.

[channelpenguin.livejournal.com]

"transcencence and joy"

the way I find that is to pay the most intense attention to the right now and the right here, with every bit of sensory power I possess - balanced with a wide awareness of all that I can't currently detect.

and no fear - there is no need...never any need.