andrewducker | Interesting Links for 20-11-2025

1. Town's Huge Christmas Mural Was Generated Using AI, Resulting in Ghastly Chthonic Horrors: (tags:AI Christmas epicfail )
2. The 10 most important life lessons to master in your 30s: (tags:life advice )
3. Building on Ruins: The Russification of Mariupol, One Apartment Block at a Time: (tags:Ukraine Russia OhForFucksSake )
4. UK Supreme Court rules Christian-focused RE taught in NI schools is unlawful: (tags:law UK religion christianity GoodNews NorthernIreland )
5. Worrying about UPFs is extremely premature: (tags:research food health )
6. Christian school objects to children singing about demons. Even about the hunting thereof.: (tags:singing christianity religion uk )
7. The U.S.'s first out trans diplomat was once considered a hero. Now she may never come home.: (tags:LGBT transgender USA bigotry OhForFucksSake )
8. Pfizer's mRNA flu shot outperforms standard flu vaccine in late-stage trial: (tags:flu vaccine )
9. The Patent Office Is About To Make Bad Patents Untouchable: (tags:patents usa OhForFucksSake intellectual_property )
10. Aging Out of Fucks: The Neuroscience of Why You Suddenly Can't Pretend Anymore: (tags:women age psychology )

I didnt need to age out of it. I have never given that sort of fuck. Yes, I got challenged and I often said things like "if I were a man, nobody would blink at this".

What I DID age INTO is actually MORE empathy, kindness and caring - the real and non-toxic kind.

I am truly glad that i never lived the horrible-sounding people-pleasing overthinking existence described in this article - is it truly "the norm"? Is it genuinely typical? I am really asking because I don't think I have lived, worked or socialised with women like that - maybe that is a selection bias on my part :-)

It does seem to be very common. I can't tell you *how* common, of course.

I suspect I have not as much sympathy as I possibly should. My instinctive reaction is "well, being a people-pleaser is a choice, you don't HAVE to do it. maybe you think it is easier ... but it seems not, at least not long term.

Hmm, maybe we are back to the known genetic variants in how socially conformant one tends to be.

IIRC at Mum's (private, secondary, girls, boarding) school they were specifically taught to put themselves second. Foe example, at some meals they were not allowed to ask for anything; they could only offer to pass dishes and to server each other. It was supposed to make them more aware of the wants and needs of others.

Not sure how much it worked, because even in her thirties she was fighting for us, rather than putting up with the world. One of her school-mates was even pushier. Mum has said that she would have been even more of a feminist, but she had two sons.

How was she at advocating for herself?

This is indeed the relevant question.

Once we had left home she was good, though whether going to uni taught her
or just gave her an opportunity to use it. Even now she is better than me.
I suspect she could and did advocate for herself as a young woman.

But the real point is how was she with us when we were growing up ? I wasn't
sufficiently aware of others to be able to answer, so I showed her the article and this discussion, but thinking back on the discussion she didn't answer it. I don't think she missed out on much for our sakes, though I think she enjoyed being a stay at home mum and we had a a comparatively privileged life and dad wasn't a demanding person so I don't think she had to choose between us and her very much.
She cared for Dad when he had dementia in his last few years; that was probably the time she put someone else first the most.

Interesting Links for 20-11-2025

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